Love lost

Love lost

Shattered secrets

Snape lent his forehead against the cool glass and breathed deeply. It was a welcome relief to be out of the potions class room. He was just beginning to gather his thoughts when a soft, gentle voice interrupted him. "Snape?" He whipped around and found himself face to face with none other than Lily Evans herself.

"Is everything ok?" she questioned.

Snape swallowed and then narrowed his eyes. "What do you care?" he retorted, backing away. He had to get away. He was desperate to escape that vivid green-eyed stare.

"I just want to help!" she called after him, as he strode quickly away.

Two minutes later and Snape was in the safety of his common room. All he wanted to do was relax and forget about Lily Evans. But try as he might, he couldn't. He felt guilty for snubbing her like that. It had hurt to do that to the one person he loved. But it was the only way. She was no good for him. Heck, she was a muggle born! They were sworn enemies. Or, at least, that was what Lucius had been trying to convince him for the past five years...

The next morning, Snape felt a little better. He had pushed all thoughts of Lily to the back of his mind and was determined to get on with his life. Checking his watch, Snape begun to get ready for first period. Defence against the Dark Arts. Once he had gathered is books, he made his way down to the great hall for Breakfast.

Dropping into the seat next to Lucius, Snape reached forwards to grab a slice of toast. As he began to eat he looked around the great hall out of boredom. When his eyes lingered on the Griffindor, he noticed that Lily wasn't there. This shouldn't have bothered him, but it did.

When he reached the Defence of the Dark Arts classroom half an hour later, Snape was relieved to see Lily there. As he was a little late, he was forced to sit in the empty chair beside her. How annoying.

"Oh, great!" she commented. "Isn't there somewhere, anywhere, else you could sit?"

It hurt, but he would be damned if he would show it. Glancing around the room, he leaned in close and whispered in her ear: "What do you think? Do you really think I actually want to sit next to scum like you?"

Lily flinched as if he had slapped her.

"Look, I..."

"Forget it!" she whispered back, her voice breaking. "I couldn't care less what you think of me!"

If only she knew.

They sat in silence for until the last ten minutes of the lesson. Every now and then, Snape would sneak a glance at Lily. She was so beautiful. Those big green eyes... that long, soft red hair...

"What the hell are you looking at?" she hissed at him, noticing him staring. Despite himself, Snape smiled warmly at her. She looked at him, confused, then smiled back at him timidly.

"Um...so..." he began, not knowing where to start.

"Is everything okay?" she questioned.

"Yes, I mean... No. Um...I don't really know how to say this..."

He blushed and fidgeted. This really wasn't his kind of thing. How did one go about this?

"Would you like to talk... you know, some place else?" Lily asked him kindly.

He nodded his agreement, relieved that she was taking control. "Like where?"

She thought for a moment. "What if we met outside later on? About seven?"

Snape agreed. They parted shyly five minutes later, after agreeing not to tell anyone they were on speaking terms.

It was seven o'clock as Snape hurried to meet Lily. He hoped he wouldn't be too late. He wanted to create a good impression and it would make things even more difficult if he upset her in any way.

"Hi!" Snape shouted, trying to be heard over the howling wind.

"Snape! I thought maybe you'd changed your mind!" She tugged her robe tighter round her.

"I'm sorry, Lily. It's so cold. I hope you haven't been waiting too long..."

She tilted her head and peered at him closely.

"What?" he exclaimed.

She smiled. "You called me Lily!"

"Oh," he said as a way of reply. "I suppose I did. Does it bother you or something?"

She shook her head, laughing. "No, of course not! I'm just surprised, is all. We don't normally do first names!"

Snape laughed too. "Ah, I see!"

"So...why the sudden change, then?"

Oh. The dreaded question.

"Well," he started. "I've realised that..."

Lily looked at him patiently. She reached out to pat his arm.

He froze.

She removed her hand at his expression. "Sorry... I don't know what I was-"

Without thinking, Snape pressed his lips against hers. He gently opened her mouth with his, while stroking her lovely hair with his free hand. As the kiss hardened and became more passionate, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into his body. He sighed.

"Well," she exclaimed, as they came up for air. "That wasn't what I was expecting!"

Snape chewed at his bottom lip. "I'm sorry I rushed into it like that but I didn't know what to say. This is what I've been trying to tell you, Lily... I think, I...I like, no, no...I think I'm in love with you!"

Her mouth dropped open. "Since when?"

"First year..." he groaned.

"Oh, Snape!" she whispered.

"Please, call me Severus!" he said.

She smiled at this. "Sorry. Severus... I...I feel the same!"

This time it was his turn to be shocked. "You? Me? What?"

She giggled. "Yes, Sev...Wait, can I call you that?"

He took her hand in his. Honestly, where was all this bravery coming from?

"Call me whatever you want, just promise me that you really mean it!"

She cupped his face in her palm. "I promise!"

Then she kissed him. And again. And again.

"There goes my little secret!" he muttered. But he was pleased.

"Oh, wait!"

He glanced down at Lily, nervous.

"What's up?" he questioned.

"Are we going to tell people? It's just that... I'm worried about what the other Slytherins would say... Won't they be very angry with you?"

He sighed a little. "Yes, they will. Maybe we should just keep it between us? If you don't mind, of course."

She smiled sadly. "I hate to lie but... what choice do we have?"

She was quite right, of course. But as long as he had Lily, Snape could deal with anything. For now.