Strong

Why am I here? I'm screaming and no one is hearing me. They all blame me... really they do. Bastards. But they don't know. What it was like to be part of him. To feel him. Everyone assumed I was strong. That I knew it was wrong and that I would be okay. My mother held me and cried. Cried because she was glad I was alive. She offered no comfort though. She didn't see that I had loved him. She didn't see that I wasn't strong. That I was dying inside. So it built, this turmoil, this anguish, this pain.

Everyone who had ever loved me didn't matter. My silly little crush on Harry... he didn't matter, not really. But he's coming, I know he is. The Boy Wonder is coming to save a girl who doesn't want to be saved. Oh gods why won't they go away? I can feel them on me, in me. My skin is crawling with them. Make it stop. Make this madness stop. I want to be good! I do! Make him leave... but of course he won't. I gave him my soul. All my strength. They think I'm strong. They think I can fight this. That I can push it off... how wrong they are. I'm not strong. I'm broken, alone, whispering madness.

Its coming, it'll come true. They'll fight and one will win, one will lose. But who? We hope it'll be him, Harry, but will it? Harry's broken too... after Sirius' death how could he not be. Now he knows what its like. To have someone you love taken from you. WHY DID HE SAVE ME? Why? That day... I was young, the youngest, but that didn't mean I was stupid! I knew about life, I knew enough to know that I didn't want to live it. I wanted to give my self to him. I was young, only eleven, but I knew.

So now I sit, in this cold, rambling to myself. I can look out the window and see bodies strewn everywhere. I can see them... but only I can. Others look out this same window and see only happy things. Birds, trees, the lake, they don't see the destruction. Only I can...only me. The noise, the screaming. Its all here in my head, and no one else can hear it. I pretend to be happy, all smiles, but I'm not. Really I'm not. No I'm not. STOP! Just stop talking. This me, my body, my head its not yours. Why are you here? Get out!

The screams ... crying. Who's crying? I can here it. Who is it? There's a knock at the door. It's Hermione, she asks me what's wrong. Why I'm crying. So it's me. I'm the one crying. She looks down, at me. Her face is shocked. Why is she shocked? What does she see? What? She's screaming now. Calling Ron and Harry. I can't see her properly anymore. She's starting to blur... what is she doing to me? Screaming... she's still screaming. Her face is half gone, but what's there is filled with tears, Hermione's crying. I reach a hand out to her, to comfort her but she jumps away. She moved out of my reach. And then I see it. I see myself in the mirror. I'm bleeding. Pouring blood from my arms. I see it. Ron came to Hermione screams and I sank down to the floor. Then Harry came. He notices before Ron, Ron is griping Hermione's arms trying to get her to speak in some way they could understand. Harry comes to me; he touches me and asks why. It's all turning black... I can't see them anymore. And god there's still screaming. I'm burning; it's in me, on me, all around me! Too close. Way too close. Someone picks me up and takes me away, where is don't know. I can feel darkness coming for me, and I'll accept it. It's the only thing I can do because you see it's like I've been telling you. I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all.