A Future of Hope

Chapter One: Gone

August

Gone. It's amazing the power that one little word has. "There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...He's gone." Lupin's words still ring in my ears in the silence of the night. The gone he spoke of was that fact that Sirius would never come back; that I would never have the chance to talk with him again. In the months since the battle at the Ministry I've tried my hardest to accept that I'll never see him again, but its just so damn hard.

I don't want to believe he's gone. I don't want to believe that I'm forever stuck with the Dursley's. I had really thought I had a chance of actually being rid of them. I thought that once we caught Pettigrew that things would be all better and I could go live with Sirius. We'd be there for each other when no one else was. He'd be the father I never got to know and I'd be the son he wished he'd had. For the first time in a long time, we'd both be happy. But that can never happen.

I don't want to believe that the once chance of happiness I had will never be. There seems to be a lot of things I don't want to believe. Hell, I'd like to believe that Voldemort didn't really come back. That would make my life so much easier, but its just not true. So what can I do now? Sirius is gone and the grief and anger is swelling inside me all the time. I fear that with my emotions so strong, I'll be an easier target for Voldemort in my sleep. I guess that's why I'm sitting on the Weasley's couch instead of sleeping in Ron's room. If I don't go to sleep, Voldemort can't enter my mind and force me to see tortures and false situations.

It's still really hard to talk about all I've learned this year to my friends. They want to understand but I don't know how to explain it to them. I've learned how to close my mind to Voldemort when I can clear my emotions. The problem is that I can't seem to do that and they understand that fact. But how can I tell them that only I have the power to destroy the most evil wizard alive? How can I even begin to tell them how I feel about Sirius being gone and the battle I was to blame for? Because yes, it was my fault. Everyone says it was an accident and that only Voldemort was responsible, but I know the truth. If it hadn't been for me, Sirius would be alive. How can I tell them that I understand that? How can I even tell my friends that I will probably not survive battling with Voldemort?

"Harry?" Ginny's soft voice interrupts my thoughts.

I turn my head to the direction of her voice, grateful for a reason to stop thinking about things that only hurt my head. She's wearing white cotton pajamas and her hair is sticking up slightly in the back. "What are you doing up so late?" she inquires, walking over and sitting beside me on the couch.

I shrug in response. "Harry, you have to sleep," she says gently, placing her hand overtop of mine.

"I know," I reply, noting the concern in her voice.

"Do you want me to make you some tea? If you're going to sit up all night, you might need it."

For a moment I can say nothing. It amazes me how intuitive the youngest Weasley can be. "No thanks. I just...I have no chance of keeping him away tonight," I reply.

She nods sympathetically. "Do you want company? I could stay here for a while if you wanted. I just came down for some water, but I don't mind sitting up with you."

"Thanks for the offer Ginny. But no, this is my problem. You don't need to worry about it."

"But I do worry Harry. We all do. You've had a rough life and now you lost one more person you care for. How much more can one person take?"

I have to agree with this. How much more can I take? Sirius is gone, my parents are gone, and I have no one left. "That's the point, Ginny. That's what he wants. He wants to break me and make me an even easier target. Its so he can end it."

I notice how Ginny's twirling her finger in her hair. She does that a lot when the topic of Voldemort and what I must do comes up. "I wish he did not exist." she whispers.

"Don't we all."

We sit silently for a moment or two then she looks up at me with a strange expression on her face. "Harry, you can defeat him when the time comes, but its not here yet. Don't worry about things you can't do anything about right now. Wait until the time comes and don't stress over it. It's just going to kill you."

I say nothing. What could I say to that when I don't even know what will happen? "You'll be alright Harry. Just give things time. Goodnight."

She leans over and kisses my cheek before going into the kitchen. She walks out a few minutes later with a glass of water. She gives me a smile before heading upstairs to her room.

As she leaves and ascends up the stairs all my worries for the night seem to go away. Ginny made sense in the fact that I shouldn't worry about things I can't change at the moment. And as I watch her leave, my heart goes out to her and I finally see her for who she really is. A strong, caring, bold witch who wants peace as desperately as I do.

I decide to go back up to Ron's room to sleep. As I lay down on my cot, I clear my mind. And just like that, all the worries are gone.