There Goes The Fear

There Goes The Fear

Out of here

We're out of here

Out of heartache

Along with the fear

Harry looked around the Great Hall at Hogwarts. The summer after Cedric's death. What sort of summer had he had? Well, what do you think?

There goes the fear again

There goes the fear

"Kill the Spare" Words that had been played over and over again, like a stuck record. Fear? He'd been scared shitless at times. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, Dudley. They'd all scared him at times. But fear? Well, that was completely different. Fear was something that ripped your heart out through your throat. Fear made you cry, weep, wail...

And cars speed fast

Out of here

And life goes past

Again so near

Life does go on. Of course it does. How could you stop that?

He couldn't help it. He was so used to doing it, subconsciously, consciously, selfishly? He looked at Cho. She was alone. Alone on a crowded Ravenclaw table.... She wasn't paying any attention to anyone. Eyes downcast, playing with her food.

There goes the fear again

There goes the fear

She looked up, as if aware she was being watched. Harry held her gaze for a second, and looked away. What could he say to her?

Close your brown eyes

And lay down next to me

Close your eyes, lay

Cause there goes the fear

Let it go

What he wouldn't give just to hold her? You think this summer changed anything? Think again. He wanted to sweep her cares away, get rid of all her troubles. He wanted to say that it would get better. Would he be a liar if he said that? Did he believe that himself?

You turn around and life's passed you by

You look to one's you love

To ask them why?

Ron and Hermione. Harry quickly glanced at them. They quickly looked away. They were always there, would always be there? Would they have shunned him if it had been someone they knew and loved, who Pettigrew had killed? He glanced up at Cho. She was still staring at him.

You look to those you love

To justify

You turned around and life's

Passed you by

Passed you by, again

"Kill the Spare" Had Cedric's life passed in front of him? He wondered if he should ask Hermione or Ron? His life hadn't passed him by when Voldemort tried to kill him. Did that mean he'd not done anything worthy? He sighed. He stared down at the food on his plate. He'd barely touched it. Underneath his lashes he looked down the Gryffindor table. Seamus was chatting to Neville and Dean. Pavarti and Lavender were giggling. Ron and Hermione were pretending not to look at Harry.

And late last night

Makes up her mind

Another fight

Left behind

He'd always loved coming back home. Back to Hogwarts. This year though, everything was different. He looked up, over to Malfoy. It was funny how he always looked for him. Keep an eye on him. What was that muggle saying? "Know thine enemy". He remembered the train ride home last term. A ghost of a smile played around his lips. It was gone before it really materialised. Malfoy was crowing as usual. Crabbe and Goyle laughing sycophantically. Honestly, they're like two trained chimps.

He couldn't help it. He looked at Cho again.

There goes the fear again

There goes the fear

What did she think of him? What went on behind those brown eyes? Would he ever pluck up the courage to talk to her properly? He was the Boy Who Lived, goddamit.

Close your brown eyes

And lay down next to me

Close your eyes, lay down

Cause there goes the fear again

Let it go

Was he being weak? Selfish? Cold hearted? What was he supposed to do? Just forget that he had feelings for her?

You turn around and life's

passed you by

You look to one's you love

To ask them why?

He looked up at the enchanted ceiling. It was a cloudy September day. Dull, overcast, miserable. Much like his mood really. Even the fact that Hermione was made a prefect didn't jolly him up that much. How could he care that much? How could he care when someone was murdered in front of him? That he had to see his heartbroken girlfriend every day? Why Cedric? Why did he have to die? Why did his parents have to die? Why was his Godfather still being accused of murder?

You look to those you love

To justify, why?

You turned around and life's

Passed you by

Would it be an insult to Cedric if he tried to get on with his life? Surely he wouldn't want him to wallow in grief and self-pity? He would want Cho to move on as well, wouldn't he?

Think of me when you're coming down

But don't look back when you're leaving town

Think of me when he's calling out

But don't look back when leaving town

It would have been so easy to just up and leave during the summer. He had enough money at Gringotts to change into muggle money and live quite comfortably. He would have been a drifter. I mean, a boy with a scar in the muggle world wouldn't be so strange. He wouldn't stand out in the crowd. But, no, whatever he was, he wasn't a coward. No one would ever say that about him. How could he leave the only place that he called home? His friends? His family?

Think of me when you close your eyes

But don't look back when you break all ties

Think of me when you're coming down

But don't look back when you're leaving town today

He closed his eyes. Cho's face, streaming with tears at the end of last term swirled in front of him. He would be strong. He would be strong for both of them. He wouldn't let her down. She would be everything to him, even if it meant keeping his distance. If loving her put her in danger, what sort of man would that make him?

There goes the fear again, let it go

There goes the fear, let it go

He looked at her. This time she met his eyes. Brown met green.

Think of me when you close your eyes

But don't look back when you break all ties

Desperately trying to tear his gaze away, unable to do so. What did he want to see in her eyes? Guilt? Hate? Compassion?

Think of me when you're coming down

But don't look back when you're leaving town today

Hary searched Cho's face. What did she want from him? Did she want him to look away? Did she want him to go over and say sorry to her about Cedric? No. He realised that she Cho was searching his face. All the pain and guilt, so clearly etched over his face was plain to see. Cho looked again at Harry, and she smiled at him. His face broke out into the first real smile he'd done in months as he smiled back. They would be O.K.

Out of here

We're out of here

Out of heartache

Along with the fear