Hunting For The Sun

CHAPTER FIVE

Bet-Rae-al

Even with that decision made, it was far too late to get a train. Also I wasn´t allowed. The criminal posters had stayed up, even if the reward had been cancelled. Now I was sure it would be reinstated. Malfoy´s nothing if not fast. I would have to stow away, and I didn´t much fancy hanging onto the roof of a train in this weather. Plus Hogwarts was a six-hour journey or so. I would have to find a shorter way, or at least wait for good weather.

I stumbled through the whiteout for about two hours before coming to an old bus shelter. The corrugated iron roof must have leaked or something, because a second, flat roof was built underneath. No one waited there anymore, so I stood on the seat to pull down one of the clumsily nailed-in chipboard panels. I dragged my stiff, frozen body into the triangular gap inside and curled up to sleep.

How I did sleep I´ll never know. The wind howled around my tiny shelter, and the leak became evident before long, but I managed it. Before I fell asleep, however, I considered my options. The sewers weren´t a choice any more. They´d be raided before sunset tomorrow, and I would be killed too, as a traitor to both sides. I plainly couldn´t stay in London. I was a wanted criminal, just for being born to my parents. I could attempt to hide somewhere in the country, but it was all Death Eater controlled and would be raided before long. I was obviously quite important. What I had done was obsolete, irrelevant. I was just a criminal for being.

I awoke sharply from nightmares of my friends dying painfully, and Malfoy laughing at me as I burned to death.

`Kiss kiss,´

he said. `Love to your parents.´

I hated that torturous face. I hated the man behind it too, but that couldn´t help me. I smacked my head on the iron board above me when I woke. Cursing like a sailor, I slithered out of the hole I had made and onto the bench. I stepped down, and walked right into a tall, blond young man dressed in black and silver.

`Well, well,´ Malfoy smirked.

I screamed and tried to dive away to one side, but he clamped his arms around me.

`I wondered when you´d wake up. You sleep like a traitor.´ He smiled at me, but I could almost see pointed teeth closing in a flickering, forked tongue.

`Get off me!´ I yelled.

`No. I think I´ll claim my own award. It saves me having to pay out, you see,´ he said, examining the nails of one hand. Even with only one arm holding onto me he was far too strong. He was a man, and nearly ten years older than I was. `In fact, it´s somewhat of a double prize. This way, I get to catch you and kill you.´ He smiled indulgently.

I couldn´t stop myself, I drew back as far as I could, and spat in his face.

`Didn´t I get enough of your spit yesterday?´ he asked pointedly. I recoiled from the sheer nastiness of him. How could anyone be this way? How could I not have seen it before?

`I certainly got enough of yours!´ I retorted rebelliously. I drew as far away as I could and crouched slightly, ready to run if he let go. He tightened the bracelet of fingers around my upper-arm and I crumpled in his grasp, whimpering weakly.

`On your knees,´ he observed. `The way you should be.´

I cringed from the pain, and gasped frequently.

`Weakling,´ he hissed. `I thought you were strong.´

I couldn´t answer; I could feel my bone bending. I screwed up my eyes. `You are nothing, you are nothing, you are nothing,´ I repeated under my breath, in between gasps for painfully cold air.

`Nothing, am I?´ Draco smirked, twisting my arm back as he stood over me, blocking out the light. His hair let light through like a halo of dark white against the blinding sky. The soft strands blew around his face and highlighted the evil snarl forming on his lips. `Nothing? Scum.´ He swung a booted foot into my stomach, and I jerked in the tearing, crushing pain. This only pulled my arm further back, and I heard my shoulder crack. `You are a fine one to talk. What have you managed to do? Betray everyone who loved you, betray and run from anyone who even cared you were alive. I would call you a nobody, but you aren´t nobody. You´re a traitor. Traitors are less than nobody. I can´t understand how you can live with yourself.´

`You loved me?´ I whispered, squinting up through pain-blurred eyes.

`I cared you were alive,´ he said negligently. `Call it what you will.´

`I won´t lie to you. I´ll be dead before the sun goes down,´ I said. Malfoy gave a curt nod confirming this. I drew in a shuddering breath and began to speak. `When I came into the Ministry as a spy, I wanted to kill you. Potter told me I would think differently of you once I met you, and I did. I saw your point the moment you said it. I think - thought you were beautiful. I was in love with you. I am in love with you. You have kicked me out for what? I gave you information you badly needed, and then objected when you called me a friend then kissed me. Is that what you do to friends? I don´t think that´s unreasonable.´ I was trying with all my might not to cry. He was still gripping my arm. I was only buying time. There was no reason he should know any of this. I just wanted to play my hand before I lost all my money once and for all.

`You love me?´ he asked softly. `Why?´

`I thought I could see through what you said you were to who you really are,´ I said bitterly. `It turns out that I had the right idea when I was trying to kill you.´

`I´m a law unto myself,´ Malfoy mused. `I change to be what I am. Now you´ve told me what you think of me, I´ll tell you what I think of you. I knew who you were the moment you arrived. Even before they told me you were here. I was surprised to find you as you were. I had been led to believe you were some kind of imbecile. In fact, you would have been good as one of us. You were sharp, engaging, fast and a good liar, considering. You´re too skinny, seeing as we´re doing appearances, but you aren´t too ugly. Beautiful in your own way, let´s say.´ He gave a faint smile, and I blushed. `I offered you what I did to test your strength. I would never have forced you to do it. You should know that about me. You did give me some information that I needed, but I could have got it many ways. You weren´t important in that right. I liked you because you interested me. I called you a friend because friends are people who benefit from each other in some way. They interest each other in conversation, or they find each other funny. I found you enchanting, you found me, as you said, beautiful. This is what we gained from each other. Why did I kiss you? Because you enchant me. You´re right, it isn´t unreasonable, but you broke your word, and you are a criminal after all.´

I looked at him in wonder and puzzlement. He was right, but I didn´t like it. I could nod, and say I could do what he wanted then be pardoned, or I could spit in his face again and run forever from the one I loved.

`You don´t hate me?´

`I couldn´t. You´re too... different. I´ve had girls fawning over me for ages. You fought me because you didn´t want to love me. Two weeks is enough to see that.´

`What can I do to be pardoned?´ For a crime I didn´t commit, I wanted to add, but didn´t. I had planned to object to being described as a fawning girl, but that was secondary.

`Keep your word, and continue to enchant me.´ He smiled, this time showing perfect white teeth. `However, I feel the need to say that by running you enchanted me more. Isn´t life odd?´

`I´ll do it,´ I said, desperate to get back to his good books.

`Suck up,´ he muttered, but used his death-grip on my arm to pull me to my feet. I yelled out in pain, and he frowned. `Are you hurt?´

Prick. Of course I was hurt. He had broken my bloody shoulder.

`Not badly,´ I lied.

`We´ll fix you up once we get back,´ he shrugged. He began to walk away, and I trotted to follow him. `Oh,´ he said, turning slightly, hair blowing across his face, `and by the way, don´t run off again. One time is more than enough. Next time you won´t be so lucky.´ It was a veiled threat. I obviously didn´t mean all that much to him, no matter what he said. It burned inside to be so in love with one so uncaring, but I guess I deserved it. It still burns sometimes, but it´s all pretty much resolved now.

I cradled my arm to keep the pressure off my shoulder, and followed him through the blinding white street. Today there were a few people out, and they saluted Malfoy as we passed, ignoring me. I didn´t care. I was busy looking at the back of Malfoy´s coat. The fabric, tapering into his slim waist hugged his broad shoulders. I was blinking tears out of my eyes at that point. I´d fucked up, no denying, but I seemed forgiven now. You´ll see in due time more about this, but I´m meant to make it through always. I´m a survivor. When the walls have fallen and the fort is burning, I will live. That´s what they promised me. Anyway, I mustn´t get ahead of myself. You´ll hear all about that when I get to it.

It seemed a lot further than I remembered to get back to the Ministry. I suppose I spent a lot of time wandering around in the dark. Malfoy led me inside, catching lots of odd looks from the Death Eaters gathered there. He trod the familiar path to his study, and held the door for me. While I stood awkwardly in the doorway, he sent a servant for a medi-witch to heal my arm.

`Please, sit down,´ he said, closing the door softly. I nodded and went to my usual seat, sinking gratefully into the cushions.

Malfoy vaulted the desk between the chairs and spun to sit, with a great deal of practice, it seemed, in his leather-padded throne.

`So,´ I said, quite bravely, I thought.

`So?´ Malfoy asked blandly.

`What do we do?´

`About what?´ he smiled, pretending he didn´t know what I was getting on at.

`You know,´ I hissed. `Us.´

`Us? My dear, there never was an `us´.´

I felt my mouth open. That wasn´t how it was meant to go. It was meant to be `Us? Well, I want you to marry me, then we´ll have as many kids as we have time for, then we´ll spend the whole time in posh clothes being the `most coveted couple´ in all the world.´ Not `Us? There never was an `us´.´ That´s just not a satisfactory answer.

`How can you be so blatantly flirty with me?´ I stormed. He looked at me for a moment beneath raised eyebrows. Then he threw his silver-blond head back and roared with laughter. I pouted and folded my arms.

`Bastard!´ I snapped.

`Probably,´ he admitted, wiping his eyes. `But I´m a bastard with a huge fucking pile of money and as many girls as I want. I´d say I´m a lucky bastard.´ He attempted to look sincere, but came out looking like a schoolboy who had written `bum´ on the wall in chalk and was getting rebuked by a teacher he plainly didn´t take seriously. The message was clear enough.

`Just bloody take me seriously for once!´ I shouted.

He put on a terrified face and shrank back in his chair, flinging his arms up. `No! Don´t hurt me!´ he cried, then, overwhelmed by his own cleverness, he broke down in gales of laughter, slapping his palm on the polished surface of his table. `No, no. Okay, what do you want me to listen to?´ He giggled and snorted occasionally, but stayed mostly quiet as I spoke.

`You´re flirting and kissing and saying I enchant you, then you say there´s no such thing as `us´. What do you call that? I call it you being a tosser.´ I snorted and folded my arms again, as though I had proved my point.

`You know, I´d love to fall on my face before you, worship you and all that, but it just doesn´t go that way. I have a life. I don´t need to idolise a stuck-up little brat from the sewers just because something important has happened to her. Important stuff happens to me all the time, and no one falls in love with me every time. Deal with it. Flirting and kissing and complimenting? Don´t bother taking it personally. I flirt because it´s fun. I kissed you because I think you´re funny when you get indignant. I said you were enchanting because you are. No one´s as stubborn as you are. I like that. I call it being Malfoy. Also, there would be no point in me being a tosser, because I have whole platoons of people willing to do it for me.´ He leaned back, smiling as if he had settled it all.

`I´d rather be lying dead in a sewer than be here listening to you laugh at me,´ I told him, standing up and walking away. `You may get news of my death when you butcher my friends. I hope I´ll be indignant enough to make you die of laughter. See you in hell, Malfoy.´ I gathered my shattered pride and walked to the door with my nose in the air.

`Don´t go,´ said a voice right behind me. I turned to find Malfoy standing at my back, looking earnest. `Don´t go. I don´t want you to go.´

`Try not laughing at me then,´ I recommended, trying to leave again, but he skipped around to block my way to the exit.

`I won´t let you go,´ he said.

`I´ll scream the building down,´ I warned him.

`I think I can honestly guarantee that you won´t,´ Malfoy smiled slightly. `I don´t want to offend you again, so I´ll ask politely. Would you do me the great honour of being allowed to kiss you?´ he asked, dropping to one knee. I was offended that he was nearly as tall as I was when he was kneeling down.

My heart skipped several fairly crucial beats, and I felt faint. `I suppose,´ I said absently.

He stood up, and tapped his wand to my shoulder before wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me close. I ignored the tingling, painless feeling in my shoulder, and linked my arms behind his waist. He dipped his head down to reach my mouth with his soft lips. He tasted a little of brandy, and it was all I could do to stop myself from licking my lips.

I´m sure you don´t need me to detail that kiss. Suffice to say that it was a long kiss, and my head was full of pretty little stars by the end. I fell back the moment he let me go, and he caught me with a little laugh.

`Whoops,´ he grinned, kissing my cheek and helping me the right way up. `Where the hell did that medi-witch get to?´ he said.

`I saw her come in, but she turned right around and went out again,´ I blushed.

Malfoy gave a sheepish grin. I should really stop calling him Malfoy now, shouldn´t I? I think I will. Draco gave a sheepish grin and looped an arm around my waist.

`Now, you were thinking of marriage and posh clothes? I´m okay with the clothes, and possibly the wedding, but I don´t want a lot of kids.´

`You were listening in on my thoughts!´ I accused. `That´s horrible!´

`Well, would it make you feel better if you knew that that was the only way I knew you didn´t hate me?´ Draco asked, trying to look innocent. `I think we´ll go for the clothes first,´ he said thoughtfully, changing the subject efficiently. `I have a state ball tonight. It´s clichéd, I know, but would you like to come with me?´

`I´d love to,´ I said, forcing an answer through the sheer euphoria of being asked to a ball by him.

He took me down into the city, and we went through all the gown shops, trying on posh clothes for me. Draco bought everything I liked, even if I said it was nice and not wonderful or something. He bought it all, and found as many excuses as he could to help me get changed, but I wouldn´t let him. He got to do up the zippers and stuff like that, but it was fun to hear him whining like a little girl outside the compartment. I settled for a nice simple sleeveless evening gown in dark blue. Draco tried to make me wear it outside, but it was December, and I refused. It was the most fun I had had in a long, long time. He asked me to wait outside, and bought me a coffee to drink while he went into a shop for a `mystery item´. I sipped at the hot, pungent liquid, which steamed in the cold air and waited for him to come out, snuggled in my warm cloak. After a moment he emerged, carrying a large bag emblazoned with some kind of designer symbol. Without looking at me, he escorted me back to the Ministry, exchanging banter and jokes all the way.

How could things be this different? I don´t know. This is what happens to the very luckiest of normal people. I´m not a normal person, and that only makes me luckier. I didn´t deserve Draco Malfoy, but I got him. What does that show us? We´re well suited, I suppose, but I didn´t want to jinx it by making any plans. I was having too much fun just being with him.

Love. So nice when you have it. Not so nice when you watch others have it. This time, however, I knew we were being watched by everyone in the city as we had a snowball fight on Hyde Park, drank coffee outside little shops, kissed on Nelson´s Column and ran down the huge flight of steps outside the museums (then used to house magical objects, not artefacts). It was a lovely feeling, and one I wanted to last forever. I can´t tell you what has happened yet, because that, my dear Watson, would be known as `spoiling a jolly good story´.

I suppose I should answer the question pounding at your skulls right now. Why didn´t I question his odd behaviour? I was young and naive. I wanted him too much to see that he was being odd. Let me give you an example. Think of that person you´ve always loved, they can be anybody, as long as you don´t have them. If you haven´t met them, then you get a chance to, you take it. You get a chance to make them like you, you take it. You get a chance to love them, you take it. You get a chance to be with them, you take it. They threaten to kill you, you think that it´s your fault. They kiss you, and take you on a shopping spree when they were really going to kill you that day, you don´t ask questions. You´re simply glad that you´re standing next to them. As it turns out, Malfoy certainly didn´t feel that way about me. I´ll tell you what he was doing when I get to the point in my life where I found out. Let me just tell you, he had an ulterior motive, and it wasn´t a nice one.