The Marauders' Tale

3

During the hunt for Remus, Peter sat in the infirmary, thinking to himself.

He hated being himself; he was so weak and scared all the time, constantly looking up to James and Sirius with such jealousy. They were smart, all the girls liked them (especially Sirius) and they were on the Quidditch team. Peter thought of Remus. It's not fair that they care more about a bloody werewolf than me.

That's not true, a voice in his head countered. Sirius came back for you when you were hurt.

James didn't.

So? Would you have wanted Remus to bear the full moon by himself?

What if I did? He's a werewolf. Is it fair that he steals my friends because they pity him?

Peter shook his head to free himself of the struggle inside his head. He found this happening a lot lately. One side of him would be arguing with another. As much as Peter hated the greedy, hateful voice in his head, it made him feel strong. The other voice was just weak and sympathetic. Where did sympathy get anyone during these dark days?

Peter never really allowed these thoughts to surface. He had decided that power at its greatest comes as a surprise attack.

It is better to be underestimated than to be considered a threat.

He was jerked out of these thoughts by the arrival of Madam Pomfrey.

"Oh, you're still here, Pettigrew?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "I thought I said you could leave this morning."

James had been sitting in the Great Hall for about thirty seconds when Sirius arrived.

"No luck?" he asked James.

"No luck," James said, a portion of his mind still on Evans. "He wasn't in the dorm?"

Sirius shook his head. "Where could he be?"

"You mean you didn't check the Map?" James said.

"Bloody hell! How could I forget that?" Sirius exclaimed, smacking his forehead. "C'mon."

The two boys left the Great Hall and headed towards the common room.

Remus ran down the Astronomy Tower steps and kept on running to ... where will I go now? he thought frantically. He didn't feel like facing James or Sirius just yet, and he knew they were probably looking for him.

Maybe I'll just take a walk around the castle.

As he walked through the corridors, up and down the staircases, and behind a few tapestries, Remus thought of Jennifer. That was the most conversation I've ever made with her.

He found himself wishing he hadn't left because talking to Jennifer had been so relaxing. She was so free of judgment...
No, said his inner voice firmly. You don't deserve her.

Why the bloody hell not? said that other voice.

Jennifer Atlas does not want to be with someone who turns into a killer three times a month.

Remus' other voice couldn't find a counter-argument to this, so he just walked on through the place he had come to call home, but where he'd never felt more lost.

James and Sirius reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who gave the two boys a look of disgust.

"You know I'm getting sick of getting woken up in the middle of the night!" she shrieked. "Would you like me to tell the Headmaster that you're still sneaking out?"

"Pickled mandrakes," Sirius said lazily. He was used to the empty threats given by the Fat Lady.

Up in the dormitory, James pulled the map out from his trunk, hidden between a Quidditch magazine and an Arithmancy essay from third year. He drew his wand and tapped the parchment. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Sirius joined James in searching through the map for their friend.

"There!" James said after a few moments, pointing to a small dot labeled 'Remus Lupin', which was slowly moving towards Gryffindor Tower.

Sirius snorted. "Brilliant timing. Here he comes."

Remus stood beside the portrait of the Fat Lady. James and Sirius were either searching through the library for him or waiting for him up in the dormitory. Time to face the music, he thought bitterly.

"Pickled mandrakes." The portrait swung open, Remus clambered through the hole and knocked right into James and Sirius.

"We've been up and down this castle looking for you, mate." Sirius said.

Remus met his friends' eyes for a moment and walked past them. "I just needed some space."

Sirius and James exchanged looks and followed Remus up the boys' staircase.

Remus was silent as they walked up the stairs and into the dormitory. He walked over to his bed and pulled out an ancient-looking book from his bedside table. He pulled a pencil from the spine of the book but before he could open it, James said, "Remus, you can't just ignore us."

Looking up, Remus said, "I know. But you better realize I'm sticking to my word."

"You can't make us, Remus!" Sirius said forcefully. James gave him a 'settle-down' look.

Remus slammed his book onto his bedside table. "Of course I can!" he shouted, getting off the bed and walking towards Sirius. "This is my decision. I can't risk this anymore!"

James moved between Remus and Sirius. "OK, mates, we need to relax," he said, giving his friends warning looks. "Remus, although we respect your opinion, and we know it's for our sakes, we're just not letting you face a full moon alone."

"Too right," Sirius said stubbornly. "We see you when you change, Moony. No friend of ours is going to face that alone. Not when we can help it."

"Besides," James added with a smile, "did we learn how to become illegal Animagi for nothing?"

Remus studied his two best friends. "Guys, I could have killed Peter."

"We'll take precautions!" James said, clapping his hand on Remus' shoulder. "From now on we won't have him try to distract you. Padfoot and I can handle that on our own."

Bloody hell, Remus thought. They just won't back off. This thought must have shown on his face because Sirius said, "Even if we don't convince you now, we're just going to sneak into the Shack with Prongs' Cloak at the next full moon."

"Just so you're warned," James added, grinning.

Remus couldn't believe his friends. He knew deep down he didn't want to face the full moons by himself, but he wouldn't be able to bear the guilt if he found out in the morning he had hurt one of them.

Nevertheless, Remus nodded wordlessly, and gave both of his friends a tight embrace.

A week later, the four boys were sitting in the Great Hall having breakfast. They were eating in a rush because they had woken up late after spending the night wandering around Hogsmeade.

"Qui-qui-quidditch practice tomorrow," Sirius said to James, yawning.

"Mhmm," James mumbled, looking at Lily sitting a few chairs down the Gryffindor table. He just couldn't believe that girl. True to his word, James had approached her in the common room the night Remus had ran off from the infirmary...

"Hey--Lily..." James said awkwardly, crossing his fingers in his pockets in hopes the conversation would be better than the last.

Lily looked up from her Transfiguration essay. "Hello James," she said stiffly.

James motioned to the empty seat beside her. "Uh--can I sit down?"

Lily shrugged and James grimaced as he took the armchair.

Merlin, this girl is difficult, he thought, staring at the glowing embers in the fireplace. James had rehearsed exactly what he was going to say to Lily, but found himself struggling to get the words out. He opened his mouth two or three times, but each time he decided to close his mouth and try again. When he finally turned to look at Lily, he found her waiting for him to speak, with a slightly impatient expression, but an open-minded one nonetheless.

"Lily," James said, the name sounding strange coming from his lips. "I don't think it's fair that you've never given me a chance."

"I thought you wanted to talk about Troll Confederacies James."

James lost all pretense of his prepared speech at this. "You know very well what this is about!"

"Fine then. Say it."

James took a breath to calm himself. "Lily, you have never given me a chance."

"You said that already."

"So why don't you and I go to Hogsmeade this weekend?" he said in an anxious voice.

Lily turned back to her work. James couldn't believe her. "How can you say no to something you've never tried? You don't even know what I'm like!"

"Oh really?" Lily countered, looking up from her essay and throwing her quill down, accidentally causing ink to splatter. A small speck landed on her cheek. James thought about how much he wanted to brush it off for her. "You think I don't know anything about you? You--you and your sneaking out every other night! You and your breaking all the rules? You and your humiliating Snape in front of half our year! Oh, I know you well enough, James Potter."

"You stick up for a Slytherin that called you a Mudblood?"

"That may be a nasty word, but I didn't need you to humiliate him. If you had something to settle with Snape, do it on your own terms. I don't need to be used as an excuse to clear up some immature grudge." Lily paused and brushed the ink spot off her cheek. "But this isn't even about Snape, right?"

James took a deep breath. He had a lot to say about Snape, but his sensible side knew it wasn't the right time to continue on that subject. "No it isn't. It's about you judging me before you even know who I am."

"All I've ever known is what you've let me and everyone else see. And you haven't made a good impression."

"So get to know me, Lily!" James said, getting up. "That's all I'm saying."

Lily looked lost for a moment, but quickly regained her composure, as if she just remembered something of importance.

"And another thing!" she said. James groaned inwardly. There's more? "I suggest, James, that in the future, you don't just chase the girl you fancy. You dare to lecture me about prejudgment, when really, you've never made any effort to know who I am. The only times you've ever talked to me are when you're asking me out! Do you know what my favourite subject is? Do you know why I love being a prefect? Do you know what Quidditch team I follow? Do you even know if I like Quidditch?"

The reality of this hit James all at once, but he didn't let it show. He stuck to his main argument. "You've never given me the chance to get to know you." And with that, he walked away, his fists stuffed in his pockets and his eyes fixed to the floor.

James sat now, watching Lily talk to Jennifer Atlas. She gestured with her hands and spoke enthusiastically, making James smile.

"Prongs," Sirius said. "I'm telling you as your friend. Get. Over. It."

"I'm this close, Padfoot," James said, holding up his thumb and forefinger. "This close!" But he decided to let it go and looked over at Remus. "You seem quiet. Something on your mind?"

Remus didn't answer, but just looked in the same direction James had been looking not a moment ago.

"Hello? Earth to Moony!" Sirius said, chuckling at his own joke and waving his hand in front of Remus' face. "Oh no! Don't tell me you like Evans too? Have all the guys gone mad??"

Remus stopped staring at Jennifer and turned to his friends. "What? No!" James looked at his friend suspiciously. "Honestly, James. I'm smarter than that."

"Too right," James said. "No interfering with me and Lily. Something good is going to happen. I can feel it."

"No, you misunderstood," Remus said with a grin. "I meant I'm smarter than chasing a girl that has no interest in me!"

Sirius and Peter chuckled. "Very funny, Moony," James said with a scowl, noticing Lily was getting ready to leave. James got up and grabbed his bag. "I'll be late for Arithmancy if I don't leave now. Got a test today. See you."

The three other boys murmured their farewells as James set off from the Great Hall.

"I'd better go too. Herbology," Remus said, collecting his things. "See you later."

Remus was on his way down the front steps of Hogwarts when he heard someone call out his name. He turned around to see Jennifer walking down the stairs.

"Hey Jennifer," Remus said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Walk with me to the greenhouses?" Jennifer asked with a smile.

Remus nodded and followed her down the steps.

"So," he said awkwardly. "How've you been?"

Jennifer shrugged breezily. "Can't complain. How about you?"

"I'm fine." Remus wracked his mind, thinking of something to talk about, when it suddenly hit him. "So how's that painting coming along?"

"Oh, it's almost finished, but I'm waiting for a full moon to get the whole effect."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks, but regained composure after a second. "How come?"

"Well, if you had stayed last time, you would have seen I'm doing a picture of the grounds, with the lake and the forest. But the moon on regular nights isn't doing what I want it to do. The full moon just has this--I can't describe it. It's just this brilliance that makes the lake so much more intense."

"It's intense all right," Remus said quietly, more to himself than to Jennifer.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"Never mind."

Jennifer looked confused for a moment, but let it go. "I'd like you to come again. It was nice to have someone there with me."

"But I thought you go to the Tower for privacy," Remus said, as they neared the greenhouses.

"Well maybe when someone wants privacy, what they're really looking for is the right person to talk to."

Remus let this sink in, feeling how calming her presence was on him.

He opened the door to their Herbology class and walked in after Jennifer. Remus went to his place in the greenhouse and was surprised to find Jennifer setting up her things right beside him. He looked down at her and gave her a small smile that she shyly returned.

"Lily! Wait up!"

Lily turned around to see James Potter running up to her. Just to show respect, she waited until he had caught up to keep on walking.

"How's it going, Lily?" James panted, holding his side because of an obvious cramp.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Aah, I'm fine," he said, waving the question aside. "So. Arithmancy. Fascinating subject, eh?"

"Are you in my class, James?" Lily said, clearly shocked. She noticed the dejected expression on his face and realized how awful that must have sounded. "Oh, I'm sorry, James! I just--didn't know! We're only a month into term, and there are only two Arithmancy classes a week."

"It's okay," he said, looking down at his feet slightly, as the pair turned a corner. "I sit in the back; don't really speak up. Not like you anyway," he added with a grin.

"Oh I just love Arithmancy. It's so challenging, but I love it."

James nodded, but his heart wasn't in it. The only reason he had chosen to stick with Arithmancy was that he had done well on his OWL and didn't even know what career path to take yet. Well that--and the original reason he had chosen it in third year: Lily Evans had taken Arithmancy.

James realized that he and Lily were less than a minute away from the classroom, and he hadn't even worked on his new strategy. "Lily?"

"Yeah?" she said carefully, hoping he wasn't about to ask her out for about the millionth time.

"Can I talk to you after class?"

Lily was caught by surprise. "Oh! Er--sure, James."

"Brilliant," he said, smiling as he took his seat in the back.

Meanwhile, Sirius was nearly falling asleep in Divination. He couldn't believe he'd continued this rotten subject. It was supposed to be easy! It had been fine when it was making up images from tea-leaf clumps, or writing in a dream diary. But Sirius couldn't read his partner's palm no more than he could stick his head up his--

"Just look in the book, you idiot!" his partner, Grace Mathews, hissed.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "This isn't working!"

"What do you mean? Just interpret the lines," she said impatiently.

"OK," Sirius said, running his hand over his face. " But I'm trying this for the last time."

He flipped to Chapter 8: What the Crevices Really Say. "Right," he sighed, looking at Grace's palm. "You have this line running down the middle. Now, that's supposed to be--your Life Line. OK, so it stops short right here. I bet that means you have a short life," he said solemnly, trying not to laugh.

"Look at the page, Black!" Grace practically shrieked.

He looked at the page. "Right," he said again. "So, you're line is short, but it's a little deep. So... that means... you show vitality and ability to overcome health problems," he read, thinking how useless this information was.

"OK, good. Carry on," Grace instructed, sensing some progress.

"Then you have the Head Line," Sirius said, pointing to the diagonal line sprouting from the Life Line. "So... it says here that if the Life and Head Lines are joined, your mind rules over your body." Sirius was puzzled. "Isn't that how everyone works?"

"Just stick to it! You're doing fine!"

"OK, ok! So your Head Line is really long. That means..."--he consulted the book--"you have a direct way of thinking. And if it's very straight, like yours, you are very practical. How's that?"

"Good. Give me one more observation."

Sirius sighed. "Let's see... oh! Okay, it says here that the space between the Life and Head Line is your Angle of Luck. So when there's a lot of space between the lines, you're very lucky. But your lines are joined. So you're unlucky ... You happy now? Can I go back to my daydreaming?"

Grace exhaled noisily and pulled her arm out of Sirius' grasp.

Sirius sat back in his chair and the heady fumes in the class easily put him to sleep.