The Marauders' Tale

1 - Escape and Excuses

"You bored yet?" Sirius whispered through the corner of his mouth.

James glanced over at his best friend of 15 years. "I thought you'd never ask," he said with a glint in his eye. Professor Binns made a slight "Ahem" over his pile of sheets, and gave James and Sirius a piercing look. James pretended to studiously reread his notes. Yeah, James thought, as if we haven't learned enough about bloody troll confederacies.

James glanced over at Lily Evans, sitting two rows in front of him. It had become a reflex to see her reaction after a quick remark, but she just wouldn't give James the time of day. He'd asked her out more times than he'd gotten detention, but the most he'd ever gotten from Evans was a jinx to the stomach, causing him to miss several days of class. Even Madam Pomfrey couldn't find a counter-jinx ... James looked at her now, the only person listening to Binns lecture about Ludwig the Loathsome. He couldn't believe how pretty she had become from that pale little stick she was in first year ... now she was absolutely--

Poke!

James was jerked out of his thoughts by a sharp pain in his ribs. Sirius' hand was poised there with his wand at the ready, willing to strike again. He flicked his wand, and a piece of paper flew from his desk to James'. With some discretion, James opened up the note:

Quit staring at her and give up! Wake Moony so we can get this over-with!

James glanced over at Remus. He was asleep, but not because of Binns' lecture (Remus actually liked History of Magic); he was exhausted from the night before. It had been a full moon, and one of Remus' rougher nights. Poor bloke, James thought, maybe we should let him sleep?

But that thought was driven out of his head as Binns' voice continued.

"Pssst! Moony!" James knew he didn't have to say it any louder, since Remus' hearing could pick up something on the other side of Hogwarts.

Remus shifted a little, and his eyelids fluttered. "C'mon Remus," James said. "Let's get out of here." Remus opened his eyes fully and peered at James and Sirius, and mouthed, What's going on? Sirius flicked his wand again, and another piece of paper flew across the desks to Remus.

Follow my lead, if you're up for it. Remus looked up to see Sirius grinning the way he did when he thought of a brilliant plan to escape class. Sighing, Remus nodded. Sirius was up immediately.

"Professor, sir, we need to speak to you!" he said urgently.

Binns looked up from his notes, surprised as always to find someone speaking in his class.

"Can this not wait, Mr. Blake?" droned Binns.

"It really can't sir, Remus needs medical attention!" Remus' head snapped up, looking at his friend. Almost all of their escape plans involved Remus needing help in some way or another.

Binns continued, still maintaining his monotonous tone. "And what is the matter with your friend today?"

Now James put up his hand. "Please sir, we need to speak to you privately."

"You as well? Very well, boys. Outside then."

James, Sirius, and Remus stood and made their way to the front of the class as Binns floated towards the door. James looked at Lily, hoping to get a smile of some sort, but she gave him a glare that said with her sixth-year prefect air, Dodging class again, Potter? James hung his head. Why was she never impressed?

He looked up to see Binns floating through the wall, and Sirius handing something to Remus, whispering, "Eat it, quick!" In the corridor, Binns turned to the three boys with an expectant expression on his translucent face.

"Sir," Sirius began. "Remus is feeling very ill."

Professor Binns surveyed Remus with no apparent interest. "He appears to be fine Borris." The professor started drifting off towards the wall while Sirius looked at Remus, waiting for the effects of the pill to occur, smiling inside that Remus had swallowed it without protest. That was one thing he liked about their friendship; Sirius, James, and Remus could trust each other with their lives.
"No, sir, wait!" James spoke up. "Just... I mean... look at him!! He looks dreadful!" Remus shot an angry look at his friend from behind Binns, who was approaching James.

"Mr. Pottley, I am the teacher here, and I say he's fine! Now, if you don't mind, I have a class to teach!! I've had--"

At that exact moment, however, Remus let out a strangled cry from behind Binns. The history professor turned around to see Remus on the floor, unable to stand up, for his legs had somehow collapsed. He seemed to be sweating profusely.

"See, Professor," Sirius said, unable to contain his grin. "We need to get him to Madam Pomfrey right away!"

"Oh Merlin!" Binns exclaimed, seeing Remus' arms begin to jump around. "Pitten, Blight, take him to the infirmary." James and Sirius quickly draped Remus' arms around their necks and began to walk away, when Sirius turned and said, "Oh, sir, about today's lesson..."

"No need to worry about your notes," Binns said, drifting back towards the wall. "I'll have Miss Evvies sum up the 1768 Troll Council!"

And the two boys hurried down the corridor, dragging their jelly-legged friend behind.

As soon as James and Sirius turned the corner, they burst into laughter.

"Can you believe he fell for it?" Sirius said between laughs, as the two boys continued to drag Remus through the corridors. "That must have been the most excitement Binns has had in centuries."

"I can't believe that pill worked!" James exclaimed.

"Aah, Prongs, I told you Joyce wouldn't let me down! She's got a whole cupboard full of these things," Sirius added, pulling a small bottle out from his robes.

"So how do--"

"Wherthahelyoukenee?" Remus suddenly mumbled.

Looking at him now, the boys could see that his mouth had gone slack and his tongue was hanging out to his chin.

"I think he asked us where we're taking him..." James said, nonplussed by the sight of his friend. The boys turned a corner and reached a flight of stairs.

"To the infirmary, mate!" Sirius said loudly and slowly, as if the pill affected Remus' sense of hearing. "We got to get you fixed up. Pomfrey never asks too many questions."

Remus seemed to take this in, as he nodded in a wiggly sort of way, but then he blurted out wildly, "Whasongwifmamowf??"

"Effects from the pill, Moony," Sirius bellowed, struggling to carry his friend up the steps with James. "Don't worry, it will wear off soon. We just gotta get Pomfrey to fix your legs and arms," he added, gesturing to Remus' wobbling limbs. "Joyce must have made the Jelly-Legs part of the pill too strong... I wish we thought to take some strengthening pills before dragging this lump around the castle." Sirius said to James, nodding his head at Remus.

"Patience, Padfoot," James grunted. "We're nearly there,"

The three had finally made it up the flight of stairs to the infirmary. James began to nudge the door open with his shoulder, when Remus made an inarticulate cry.

"What?" James and Sirius asked.

"Wawegonsaytapoffree??" Remus struggled against his immobile jaw.

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius, wondering what Remus had said.

"Good thinking Moony. He wants to know what we're gonna tell Pomfrey."

"Uhh.. We can say he got in the way of a nasty spell..." James said, looking at Remus' limbs, mouth, and the amount of sweat on his brow. Then he added with a smile, "Er--maybe he got in the way of several nasty spells."

"Brilliant!" Sirius exclaimed. "We can say Snape did it!"

James laughed outwardly, but felt a small hitch in his chest. Ever since that episode by the lake after their Defense Against the Dark Arts OWLs, taunting Snape had lost its thrill. Sure, he still did it with Sirius, but all James could see was Lily Evans' face, contorted in disgust. James decided to push this feeling down for now. I seem to be doing that a lot, James thought.

Sirius jerked James out of his Lily-daydreaming for the second time that day. "Okay Prongs. Open the door." With a grunt, James shoved the infirmary door open.

"James! Sirius! Remus!" shouted an eager voice from one of the beds. "You came to visit me!"

The boys stood stalk still (not counting Remus' wobbling legs). The same thought rang through James and Sirius' head at the same time: We forgot Peter!

"Ooh, heyyy, Pete!" Sirius said, with only a hint of hesitation. "We--we were in History and thought we'd pull one on Binns ... you know--come see you."

"Yeah," said James, receiving a quick look from Sirius. "But unfortunately Moony was the victim again..." he finished, motioning to Remus' legs.

"Suh-pise, suh-pise..." Remus added with bitterness, his tongue lolling about, as Sirius and James finally put him down on the bed beside Peter's.

Peter chuckled. "So what happened this time?"

Sirius pulled out the bottle of yellow pills. "Joyce Gibbons gave them to me a few days ago."

"Joyce Gibbons, eh?" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

"That Ravenclaw in seventh year, right?" asked Peter.

Sirius nodded. "One of seven people in the entire year who made it into Dawson's NEWT Potions class. He favours her--taught her a way to make a potion into a pill. I asked her to make them for me after the last Hogsmeade weekend, but they took a few weeks."

"Wait," James interjected. "I thought you were going around with that Atlas girl... what's her name? The Gryffindor in our year..."

"Jennifer Atlas," Remus said suddenly. The three boys turned their faces to him, having not expected him to speak. His tongue had shrunk back into his mouth, and looked about the average size. He had stopped sweating, but his legs and arms still appeared to be wobbly.

"No," Sirius answered, looking sideways at Remus. "I stopped seeing her a while ago. She lost my interest... But I'm not really going around with Joyce..."

Peter was looking up at Sirius with a mixture of awe and envy, and asked, somewhat timidly, "Sirius do you ever do anything with the girls you date?"

James looked at Sirius, who appeared to be contemplating the question. Finally, Sirius said, "I've never gone as far as people say I have..." James noticed the slight distant expression on his friend's face. Perhaps it's time to get Pomfrey, he thought.

Peter looked like he was about to ask something else, but James quickly said, "We need to tell Pomfrey about Remus' legs. Let's go." He and Sirius pulled Remus up to a sitting position and put his arms once more around their necks. "We'll be back, Wormtail," James added to Peter, as the three boys made their way to the matron's office.