1,661 - 1,680 of 3,594 Stories

Harry drinks a potion that sends him to an alternate universe where Seamus has a crush on a Ravenclaw, and Harry has a crush on Seamus. Also prominently featured in the alternate universe is Draco vs. Voldemort. Harry wakes up in his universe brimming with ideas about how to kill Voldemort… and an insane crush.````Very random. Also, will probably be very AU.

A bit of Professor Flitwick's lecture to his Seventh Year Ravenclaw class on Fidelius Charms. I love working out how magic works, and though it's not easy in this case, it's still fun; this is just a bit of magical theory.

What has Neville done? Where is Snape? Why is everybody color-coded? Let's all say it together, "POOR NEVILLE!"

Yes, your drug-addled eyes saw right - it's a sequel to that most ubiquitous of franchises, "Smoke Two Joints". In this extended sequel- wait, make that threequel, you'll see Draco and Hermione hot-box the Leaky Cauldron's restroom, Fred and George go on a road trip, and Harry practically destroy Number 4 Privet Drive with a party involving copious amounts of weed and alcohol. Guest appearences by The Bitchy Policewoman, Lord V. & His New Monikers, Lucius M., Lucius' cane, and its new partner, the Slytherin Pimp Car. Thrill to the covert yet noisy guest bedroom liasons! Try to find Draco's pants! Question the unruly spellings! Wonder how the hell Michael Jackson got involved in it all! Light it up, smoke it up, inhale, exhale, and read on!

A parody of H/Hr.

They are sleeping outside. Even though Remus protested quite fervently earlier, he does admit that it is awful nice to sleep out here now, under the stars and the under a canopy of leafy branches that trick him into thinking he is in a rainforest. A bird in the distance sounds like a toucan and Remus pretends that this place is a tropical paradise, complete with a wild river (the still pond) and wild animals (James, Sirius, and Peter).

Even wizards get hay fever. Some get it really bad. And some have to pick the night before the Quidditch final to come completely apart with it. A sixth-year Gryffindor Chaser is not amused. Pure plotless sick puppy fluff. Mild hints of slash (SB/RL).

If fan fiction authors could rule the Harry Potter world, there'd be a lot of odd stuff going on. Welcome to the pilot episode of: ::start main theme:: The Harry Potter Parody Zone.

Remus is using a Magic Dictation Quill to make an entry in his diary. As he remembers the good old days, he resorts to the bottle to help him feel better. Every word he says is recorded.

"Know this, when the princess finally turns sixteen, she will die. And I'm not giving you any more details just so you won't be able to find a counter for it!" Great. Now what do we do?

They all saw Sirius on the floor. He was writhing, twisting, and convoluting on the ground. "Professor!" James yelled. "I think Sirius is the one possessed by Satan!" A short little one-shot about Sirius pretending to be possessed. There are some opportunities in life that you just can't pass up.

We know that in "Christmas on the Closed Ward" in Order of the Phoenix, everybody goes to visit Mr. Weasley on Christmas Day, but what happens when they get back to Grimmauld Place? I'll tell you what. Mayhem happens.

Lily and the Marauders are out of Hogwarts, living on their own. James and Lily are engaged, but not married, and they live in Godric's Hollow. ``When a legitimate theatre opens in town, presenting the play Les Miserables, Lily is ecstatic and encourages the boys to``audition with her. However, there turn out to be more than wholesome muggle-borns who are interested in this project. Rated R for some bad words our darling ickle Sirius couldn't keep to himself! (Bad dog!)

Some excerpts: Nelly (the Loch Ness Monster) shook her head at the man with the fluffy pink bathrobe, sitting across from her at the table, she still in a daze. Just two weeks ago this man had come to her lake, disturbing her peace, trying to enlist her help in his plans for world domination, and now they were at a tea party, talking about pink lace and weddings. By this time Harry, along with his girlfriend Ginny, and their friends, Ron and Hermione, left; supposedly back to their home in Fluffville where they owned an (again, pink) house made of fluff. They did not plan on attending the wedding, but then again, who could resist the charms and wiles (feminine or otherwise) of ‘Uncle Voldie’?

Harry Potter awakes to leave the Dursleys on his 17th Birthday. The humor is a little dry and dark, but he leaves, presenting them with a gift. Slightly off canon at the end, but it is my first ever fanfic and I am proud! Rated PG-13 by author for insults and cruelty.

Fred and George are on a mission: To get their sister Ginny to stop dating the Slytherin Draco Malfoy. From hair cutting to lip gloss, the two redheads will stop at nothing to get them apart. All the while, Harry has a not-so-secret secret, Hermione and Ron argue(surprise surprise!), and it's all around madness in the castle! Will the twins succeed or will Ginny retaliate? AU, one-shot, and BEFORE Deathly Hallows. Also, there's a little slash, but it's not graphic and it's only mentioned.

All those times they thought Hermione was at the library, she was actually donning a pink leotard and mask as a crime-fighting diva! Justice is served to Cho Chang and Mary Sue (read if you hate both of them).

Seamus is having problems with his love-life. Ginny takes pity on him. When he tries an unconventional route to fix things... well... we'll just say that no good can come of this.

Have you ever wondered what exactly the Marauders did while in class? Why, they wrote notes, of course! Here and now you can read the REAL notes from all four marauders with a special quest appearance from Lily Evans (soon to be Potter)! JP/LE, SB/OC, RL/OC, PP/please; you really think I'd give HIM someone to love?

The wizarding world is no longer safe... The Dark Lord has convinced the Leprechauns to join his side. Harry finds out that they are raping and murdering innocent girls. What can he do to save the world once again? Or will it be someone other than Harry that will save the day? You'll be horrified, you'll be sad, and then--at long last--you'll laugh hysterically.

Sequel to "Seamus Finnigan and the Search for a Soulmate." Harry's been dumped. But luckily his Gryffindor friends have a few ideas to get his girl back. Wait, did I say "luckily"?

Rowena and Helga discuss the school's motto and have some laughs. WARNING: Contains male-bashing.

Sirius has an amusing idea.

What happens when Voldemort rediscovers love? This fic tells the story as Voldemort struggles with various things such as apologies, sighing, making bacon, and most importantly, what to put inside his goody bags.

McGonagall finds a new kind of music to get into. She is rapping going down the corridor when Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the same corridor. Oh no!

Mortie Wimsey, a descendant of famous Lord Peter Wimsey, a second-year Gryffindor, once, strolling along the Lake on Sunday, hears a hideous yell...

Did you ever wonder what made Petunia hate Lily so much? Could``it be because of... The Marauders?! A tale of what happened when Petunia``finally had enough. Takes place during their first year, at Thanksgiving break.``And yes, I know Europeans don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I really don't care.

Subtitled "The Poor Sneakoscope That Died." Anyway, it's from the point of view of the Sneakascope that was imprisoned in Uncle Vernon's sock!

Harry and some boys are going to live twenty days in a castle, competing in a bachelorette-competition, with Hermione as the prize! She'll ditch one a day until there's only one left. But that's not all what happens: butterbeer parties, stupid tasks, betting, body transparation and ugly sofas comes up all the time. As if that’s not enough, Harry has to share a bed with Percy!

It's Ron's 21st birthday - will he get what he really wants? The answer is no. But what happens when someone gives Harry firewhiskey? And what happens when Fred and George find a blender? ``Starring Kleptomaniac!Ron, Drunk!Harry, Desperate!Ginny, and lots of firewhiskey...

SuperSeme!Delinquent!Harry and UltraUke!Draco in an innuendo laden piece. Can't tell you what's going on or it will give away the story.

Sirius and Severus first meet at the tender age of eight... and the results aren't pretty. Now it's up to Regulus, an excitable seven-year-old, to convince a suspicious Severus that not everyone in his family is like Sirius. The Black brothers and Snape as children... aww, aren't they cute?

On Friday 27th of December, Ron and Hermione find themselves in a very strange situation - they are each other!

Padfoot suggests to Moony, Wormtail and Prongs that they should form a band and perform at The Three Broomsticks. Based on the Grimm brothers' fairy tale "The Bremen Town Musicians."

“Isn’t it fabulous, Molly?” Arthur chatted, pulling several more leaflets from his inside pocket. “Look, we can fly to Cairo on an airplane!”

Part three of the series started in "Maybe a Couple Times, to Be Sure." Last we visited the boys, Harry was off to...do his duty. It's now a year later, and Hermione and Ron have welcomed a baby boy into their family. Harry thinks that things will now go back to normal, but will he get his wish?

Ginny needs a job, and she finds a good one too, but what happens when her boss turns out to be Draco Malfoy? Read through Ginny's journal entries and see how her life unfolds. One-shot!

This is a Harry Potter/Degrassi crossover. I thought it might be kinda fun (shrug). There's really no plot. I'm just making it up as I go along.

Harry has gone a bit mad after Draco's disappearance. But when he goes to talk to Bill about his obsession, he finds he's not the only insane one around.

What happens when the miserable little rat of pedantry starts to interfere with real work? Read, and reflect...

Astoria Malfoy wakes up to two news. The good one? She has a son. The bad one? Her husband has used her unconsciousness to name the baby... Scorpius.

Who could possibly be worse than Umbridge? Surely no one could be as bad as the person who set Dementors on Harry and put power in to the hands of Draco Malfoy. But it's possible and it's happened and now the sixth years at Hogwarts will be subjected to their new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. May God have mercy on their souls... Draco get's the shock, and the hug, of his life.

A response to a challenge to create a fic under 1300 words that included self-promotion, a parody of the ships H/D, H/G, S/Hr, and a fanfic that I will not name due to me not wanting to get sued.````Must contain a section about the summer.``Must contain a section about the real world. Must include final battle between Voldie and Harry. ``Must receive 20+ reviews within fourteen days.````See how I did.

Two versions of the same character go out into their world with the same intention -- meet up with Ron and Harry and discuss Horcrux plans. A glimpse into each of those worlds. (Movie!Hermione vs. Canon!Hermione.)

It's fifth year at Hogwarts, and Sirius Black wants to go on a double date. Unfortunately, he's dragged Remus Lupin along for the ride, on a date where nearly everything seems to go wrong.

Students in love, house elves making mischief, and extremely odd ships. All these things make for a fantastic parody of one of Shakespeare's greatest comedies, "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

The Marauders are at it again, no I didn't mean it like that! Oh never mind, they've got another plan in mind to humiliate the king of grease...but what happens when the king finds out about it first...with a little help from someone, Wormtail haters are welcome here>>

One-shot spoof. Parents of Muggle-born witches and wizards are becoming more and more reluctant to simply send their children off to an unknown boarding school sight unseen. And so it was that on one fine morning a group of parents found themselves assembling at the gate for an introductory tour of Hogwarts.

Harry comes out of the closet! His fellow Gryffindors are awkward, so he decides to do his homework in the library where Draco makes a scathing remark. However, it isn't necessarily offensive towards Harry. A fluffy D/H slash ficlet.

His heart stopped. His jaw dropped. He was in love. Though he was only eleven at the time, James Potter knew he would marry that girl, or die trying.

Hermione brings home a surprise that will change Severus' life.

How on earth did Lucius Malfoy get himself on the Slytherin Quidditch team? Find out in this short silliness, featuring Snape, Black and - beware - Narcissa! Marauder time, sixth year. A spin-off from Dramatis Personae.

In the age of Reality TV the WWN have been cashing in on the craze. After a successful "Big Goblins" (Big Brother) series the WWN have set up a new series involving Muggles. Twelve Muggles will go to study at Hogwarts for twelve weeks, at the end of each week they will perform for the wizarding world. The Muggles are competing for a grand prize, one any normal wizard would want. What will happen when the Malfoys and the Weasleys set out to make the show a disaster?

The Golden Trio find the Hogwarts Pillar of Storage and unexpected surprises inside.

A funny parody.

Lucius Malfoy has been called a pimp at the Ministry ... a pimp! Can you believe it? The nerve of people in general, these days! Malfoys are NEVER called pimps (well at least not to their faces...)! Does everyone else think Lucius is a pimp? Follow Lucius as he takes a survey of various people to see what they think.

"HARRY POTTER! You pervert!” This shocked exclaimation is only the first of many in this engrossing (and just plain GROSSing) tale of epic proportions. Originally titled, “Harry Potter and the Random Orgies of Hogwarts” (that title was far too dirty and not very funny), this nonsensical narrative will confuse far beyond your wildest dreams.

"I am not a squab, debonair, bachelor of the month type." A Slytherin graduate is enjoying a very boring, normal, rich life when a mistake from his past comes back to haunt him. With a child. The story follows the child's growing up from when she is very little to when she finds her mother and other suprises.

This is from the point of view of Neville's cauldron. Poor thing -- wouldn't you hate to be mangled by Neville's mishaps in Potions?

Harry takes his forty year old son, the ghost of Draco Malfoy, and his friends to the park to play baseball. But will an all Death Eater team foil his plans? Sequal to "Happiness is Just a Daddy Away!" and "Harry Potter and the Magical Cheese Cracker."

When Ron visits the infirmary late one night, complaining of a headache, Poppy is very busy and shoos him to the cupboard. He grabs the first vial he sees and leaves, never bothering to look at the label. What happens when you suddenly aren't who you thought you were? Also, a lesson in looking at the labels of vials.

What happens if you lock a group of people – say, Harry Potter & Co. – in a room, and not let them out until after they finish a horribly-written script of a truly horrible movie…? Care to find out? Thought so… Read it anyway!

This time, it's Neville and Ginny's turn to have The Talk with their son. Joy.

A fic after my own sick sense of humor, in which we encounter a hysterical Lavender, a fuming Parvati, a sarcastic Hermione, and a diabolical plot involving a copious amount of Polyjuice potion. Warning: Also contains femslash references, but those of you who know me probably aren't surprised.

All is well at Hogwarts until the Crunchy Kernel Buccaneers strike. Amid weasels, armpits, and snogs you have to wonder if peace and sanity will ever reside at Hogwarts again.

This is fluff, H/G, R/Hr... Based on a few oldies songs I really like. This chapter is based on the Cher song "Shoop Shoop". Hope you enjoy!

At Bill and Fleur's wedding, it seems like the apocalypse, anyway. A ring goes missing, Harry must confront an obstacle of the red-haired variety, and Fleur gives a whole new meaning to "bad hair day."

Subtitled "Mad-eye Moody gets Pink Eye." Anyway, it's from the point of view of the eye, and he gets super annoyed when he gets pink eye. (AGAIN)

"He looked down, unaware that one look could change the course of his life forever... "``What can a mysterious stranger do to Hogwarts? A lot.

In response to the constant needling he suffers from the resident females of Number 12 to offer insight and maturity in the darkest of times, Remus Lupin handles Harry's grieving in the most insightful and mature way he can: by taking him out and getting him utterly plastered. However, obscene alcoholic consumption and singing along to 'Surfer Rosa' in one's underwear is NOT coping with your mourning, as explained by one particularly mercurial young auror, and Remus Lupin is forced to confront the facts of life.

Finishing a crossword is a lot harder than it looks, and James finds that out the hard way.

It's Christmas. Remus gives Sirius a gift. Sirius gives Remus a gift. Remus objects. James laughs. Lily is impressed. Sirius doesn't know what all the fuss is about.

In which Draco discovers that not only is he actually a girl, and not only is he Voldemort's daughter, but even worse, he is somewhat attracted to Harry Potter. Poor Draco. What's a boy, er, girl, to do? A parody of Bridget Jones's Diary.

When we were waiting for Book 5 to come out, we worried about whether Harry would get the Marauders' Map back. Then, we read Order of the Phoenix, and now we know that he got it back. But, we don't know how it was returned to him. This is one possible explanation.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco and Pansy get together in the Room of Requirement to discuss fanfiction. Much insulting and snarkiness ensue, in addition to the discussion of a few major ships.

As well as being old, rather evil, and having a personal hygiene problem, the Dark Lord was also somewhat of a chauvinist, and he assumed that if women tried to take charge of the country, it would fail drastically because the women would spend all their time gossiping and shopping. His plan was doomed to fail from the start, though. He hadn't counted on Hermione ``Granger.

For speaking out of turn against her, Professor Umbridge gives Lee Jordan one hell of a detention stretch. But when the twins leave Hogwarts behind, and him with it, he gets a chance to strike back. Oneshot.

Poor, poor Belladonna has quite a few problems. Her mother is THE Devil-Lady, her father can't stand up for himself, Grandma Dot is losing it, somebody stole her necklace, her brother Jason is being moody, her twin - Nicky - is keeping a secret, Lily and James need a good push, her best friend left her, Margery Butter is still a mystery, everybody thinks she is crazy, she is hearing voices, Remus keeps getting glued to her, she keeps walking into Sirius and Mr Ted, her teddy, lost an eyebrow. Bella doesn't need THAT along with NEWTS, finding a job and keeping her head. Oh, and her therapist is sleeping with the cleaner. Marauder Era. AU-ish.

Pansy enlists Cho's help to exact revenge on Harry and Draco after she finds out about their secret relationship. The trouble is, they're flat out of ideas.

I've done it! I'm revolutionizing Schnoogle! It's a songfic...but it's in Riddikulus! Intrigued yet? Darn. Read it anyway so you can say that you are part of the revolution! Viva la revolucion! Anyway...we know James and Sirius are up to something. Just not what it is. Want to know? Too bad. Mind your own business.

Harry has had a certain person as his object of lust for a``long time now... Who could it be? And will Harry meet his object of``lust "in the library?"

Draco, being only a little, tiny, miniscule bit daunted by Harry's potential straightness, investigates that possibility. Sequel to "Denial" and "Acceptance." Rated R for a TEENY bit of sexual innuendo.

Short dabble. The Sorcerer's Stone told from Draco's point of view.

Dumbledore & Co. must come up with a Christmas gift for their roommate.

Harry and Hermione find that they don't have to be in school to keep learning.

The invisibility cloak has had a bit of a bad life ever since he's been owned by Harry... here is his story!

When Ron and Draco are forced to serve detention together, each discovers that things aren't always as simple as they seem, people aren't always who you think they are, and Memory Charms can be tricky little buggers. Mild slash.

Remus/Sirius obsessive fangirl humor.

A short snippet, for a change. It's Hallowe'en, and the Fat Lady deplores the fact that so few kids nowadays keep up with the spirit of the All Hallows Eve - so she asks Nearly-Headless Nick to tell James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily a story. A ghost story, of course...

Parvati and Lavender's project on love divination gets a bit out of hand, and everybody finds out rather more than they wanted to. In Part I, Arithmancy and Divination, we watch the Gryffindors participate in an experiment.

This is a compilation of four humorous cookies involving AD/MM, Snape, Harry and Ron.

Draco has some random thoughts, and a rather irritating encounter with Harry Potter. (Slight hints of Draco/Harry.)

Narcissa Black was NEVER cruel and vain. In fact, in spite of her beauty, Narcissa is just a down-to-earth genuine girl who has some problems. Fine, a lot of problems! This is her diary, which gives you a glimpse into her life and witness as she goes from accident to accident.

This is from the point of view of the Fat Lady -er, painting. Wouldn't you get offended if comments about your weight were made all day?

Harry and his friends go to a new theme park for wizards, Wizardland, where a spell makes some stupid - like Draco who drags poor Lucius around until he spazzes out on roller coaster and winds up talking to an argyle leprechaun that smokes.

The private life of Argus Filch: Broom closets, shoe polish, three-foot newts and canaries. And a very mangy cat. The private life of Rubeus Hagrid: Interspecies Relations, whisky, fireflies and spiders. And a goblin named Steve. (A Rubeus/Argus romance)

James has asked Sirius to take care of baby Harry for a few hours. This might not have been a good idea. (One-shot) **2008 Quill to Parchment Award Winner - Best Marauder Era and Runner-up: Best Humor

It’s Harry’s sixth year, and another Professor Trelawney has come to Hogwarts to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. Severus Snape confidently expects disaster. A Hogwarts/ Chalet School crossover.

2004. Voldemort reigns supreme as Minister of Magic, and Harry, Ron and Hermione live in a squalid London flat on the Dole. Remus Lupin sleeps on their couch after his wife leaves him for another woman, Lavender Brown is a cheesy porno actress, Draco Malfoy has seen 'Secretary' one too many times and Snape runs a meth lab in his backyard. However, a gormless teenage girl in Coon Falls, Minnesota, opens up an interesting chat window and starts conversing with the supposedly late Sirius Black, and the Order of the Phoenix (now known as the Paradise Cult of Christ to avoid suspicion) rears its head for a tour-de-force overthrow of the cruel Riddle-Malfoy government....

Hogwarts is having a fashion show. Guess who has to make comments about the 'outfits' in his 'own' way.