1,621 - 1,640 of 3,594 Stories

Wry!Harry, Mix-Master DJ Snape (yo), and Disco King!Voldemort all meet in the Forbidden Forest and get down with their bad selves. Also features gratuitous bird snogging and Lucius Malfoy's "Schnooglekins".

Meet Blaise Zabini. A first-year Slytherin with anger management issues and an obssesion with cartoons and toaster ovens who curses more than a sailor.

Neville Longbottom, school teacher for Hogsmeade and Sleepy Hollow, comes into very close contact with a legend late one Halloween night.

Professor Eudice Eusyram returns, after over a year in limbo, to combat a new and greater threat then ever before!

Harry Potter is sick in bed! Who better to cheer him up than his once-arch-nemesis-now-lover, Draco Malfoy?! Huge fluffies alert! H/D--Slash!

It's the summer holiday and Hermione's got a brilliant idea. Ron and Harry are completely against it but in the end, seem to be forced to go along with it.

Draco ponders how his point of view on love, girls, and cupcakes has changed since personally admitting his feelings for Harry.

What are Draco's deepest and darkest secrets? His agony over missing hairspray, and being liked by every girl in Hogwarts are just a few examples of what he rambles about in this one entry in his diary.

Drusilla Quigley returns, taking Snape's advice, to interview Hagrid. But he's not really a loose-lipped twit... Er... is he?

Boredom drives Harry and Ron to playing games. But when they start asking questions, will they be ready for the answers?

Sequel to 'Bellatrix Lestrange and the Housewarming Party Gone Wrong'. Same story, same madness. Harry's PoV. Read 'Bellatrix Lestrange and the Housewarming Party Gone Wrong' first. Only then will this story (almost) make sense (a little).

When Draco Malfoy is bored, it is a very dangerous thing...

Look at the title and take a wild guess. Though...it's not exactly what you think.

Many people get detention at Hogwarts, in fact more then you might think. This story is based off of detention lines from FA students who have had to spend time with Snape, or Umbridge. If you've ever been to Scribbles in History of Magic, you've seen them around causing mayham and mischief.

The one thing every generation of Weasleys thought impossible, the one thing none had ever achieved, the one thing that will change one boy's life forever, has happened, and Ron will never be the same again....

Hogwarts gets a Physical Education teacher. Crossover.

Snape is called to a Death Eater meeting only to find that he must, once again, play the hero.

It had been going like that for quite a while, when Remus sighed. "It's because you're a dog, isn't it?" ...Sirius gets excited by frogspawn.

Harry and Ron, alone in their train compartment on the way to Hogwarts, get to discussing their relationships with their girlfriends and with one another. Touching divulgences, regrettable impulses, and awkward silences ensue. Pity one of them doesn't fancy guys.

A series of one-shots featuring pre-Hogwarts Hermione, showing how the most clever witch of her year first knew she wasn't exactly your average girl.

It is the first Christmas since the War, and Draco is determined to not enjoy it, but one obstacle continues to stand in the way of his unhappiness: Hermione Granger.

Harry gets a big shock at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He discovers new information about Hogwarts and its Founders...

Hagrid's lessons are awful! He needs help to make them more exciting. Sirius was the last person he should have approached for a bright idea.

First chapter of the parody book, Hairy Pooper and the Kidney Stone, based on the first Harry Potter installment.

Harry has a strange dream in which eight American girls disrupt ``the quiet of the Gryffindor boy's room.

We promise you thrills, chills, Voldemort in a dress, and a totally Unexpected Plot Twist, now just read the fic, and review please. Thank you!

Blaise Zabini is on a Quest. Never mind that he isn't exactly aware of what this Quest may consist of (although it's suspected that it involves at least one rather conspicuous rhinoceros), but - nonetheless - he must Persevere until he gives evil a good thwack in the shoulder blades and rescues his Damsel in Distress.

Reading the notes that the Marauders pass during History of Magic class may tell you a thing or two about their mysterious ways.... (Please proceed with caution.)

Who'd have ever thought that the night Voldemort came to murder Harry, Lily and James could have been so. . . . amusing? Find out what really happened on that tragic and very silly night, and what spell Lily actually used to save her infant son.

Marauders and marijuana. Innuendo. Wacky verbal hijinx (and a weensy bit of angst). Even members of other houses are oddly friendly under the influence! (Sirius/Remus preslash, Sirius/James flirting.)

Rita Skeeter once mentioned in an article that Love Potions are banned at Hogwarts. So how exactly did that rule come into existence? Join Rita and her best friend, Gilderoy Lockhart, as students in the spring of 1967, and you'll find out.

After Harry read his MAD mag, he gives Ron a Lunchable. Superheroes around America hear of the Lunchables and come to get one. What none of them knows is that Emma Watson has been kidnapped by Voldemort.

Mad Eye once told Harry, don't put your wand in your back pocket, greater wizards have lost their buttocks because of it. Advice such as this always has a story to back it up. This is that story.

Post-OoP. Up to her old tricks again, Rita Skeeter attempts to interview Fred and George about their famous escape from school. Instead, she gets a scandal that will rock the ministry while the twins get revenge.

Draco Malfoy expounds on life, and about how much his is certainly, absolutely, DEFINITELY not centered around his arch-nemesis.

A ridiculous parody of a Harry/Hermione romance.

Harry/Draco ficlet. Draco takes Harry's glasses, and Harry will do anything to get them back... Slash.

Hermione finds herself having to share Ginny's room with none other than Luna Lovegood. An encounter with one of the Burrow's more frightening residents ensures that forty winks will be hard to come by.

It's Arthur's birthday and Molly runs out of sugar. Small children and an eight-year-old in charge leads to a not-so-clean kitchen.

Harry drinks a potion that sends him to an alternate universe where Seamus has a crush on a Ravenclaw, and Harry has a crush on Seamus. Also prominently featured in the alternate universe is Draco vs. Voldemort. Harry wakes up in his universe brimming with ideas about how to kill Voldemort… and an insane crush.````Very random. Also, will probably be very AU.

(Addition to the "Stuck in a Room with You" series.) Although everyone is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, the one with the earmuffs will prevail! Also featuring a house made of chocolate.

Yes, your drug-addled eyes saw right - it's a sequel to that most ubiquitous of franchises, "Smoke Two Joints". In this extended sequel- wait, make that threequel, you'll see Draco and Hermione hot-box the Leaky Cauldron's restroom, Fred and George go on a road trip, and Harry practically destroy Number 4 Privet Drive with a party involving copious amounts of weed and alcohol. Guest appearences by The Bitchy Policewoman, Lord V. & His New Monikers, Lucius M., Lucius' cane, and its new partner, the Slytherin Pimp Car. Thrill to the covert yet noisy guest bedroom liasons! Try to find Draco's pants! Question the unruly spellings! Wonder how the hell Michael Jackson got involved in it all! Light it up, smoke it up, inhale, exhale, and read on!

What has Neville done? Where is Snape? Why is everybody color-coded? Let's all say it together, "POOR NEVILLE!"

A parody of H/Hr.

A bit of Professor Flitwick's lecture to his Seventh Year Ravenclaw class on Fidelius Charms. I love working out how magic works, and though it's not easy in this case, it's still fun; this is just a bit of magical theory.

They are sleeping outside. Even though Remus protested quite fervently earlier, he does admit that it is awful nice to sleep out here now, under the stars and the under a canopy of leafy branches that trick him into thinking he is in a rainforest. A bird in the distance sounds like a toucan and Remus pretends that this place is a tropical paradise, complete with a wild river (the still pond) and wild animals (James, Sirius, and Peter).

Even wizards get hay fever. Some get it really bad. And some have to pick the night before the Quidditch final to come completely apart with it. A sixth-year Gryffindor Chaser is not amused. Pure plotless sick puppy fluff. Mild hints of slash (SB/RL).

If fan fiction authors could rule the Harry Potter world, there'd be a lot of odd stuff going on. Welcome to the pilot episode of: ::start main theme:: The Harry Potter Parody Zone.

"Know this, when the princess finally turns sixteen, she will die. And I'm not giving you any more details just so you won't be able to find a counter for it!" Great. Now what do we do?

Remus is using a Magic Dictation Quill to make an entry in his diary. As he remembers the good old days, he resorts to the bottle to help him feel better. Every word he says is recorded.

They all saw Sirius on the floor. He was writhing, twisting, and convoluting on the ground. "Professor!" James yelled. "I think Sirius is the one possessed by Satan!" A short little one-shot about Sirius pretending to be possessed. There are some opportunities in life that you just can't pass up.

We know that in "Christmas on the Closed Ward" in Order of the Phoenix, everybody goes to visit Mr. Weasley on Christmas Day, but what happens when they get back to Grimmauld Place? I'll tell you what. Mayhem happens.

Some excerpts: Nelly (the Loch Ness Monster) shook her head at the man with the fluffy pink bathrobe, sitting across from her at the table, she still in a daze. Just two weeks ago this man had come to her lake, disturbing her peace, trying to enlist her help in his plans for world domination, and now they were at a tea party, talking about pink lace and weddings. By this time Harry, along with his girlfriend Ginny, and their friends, Ron and Hermione, left; supposedly back to their home in Fluffville where they owned an (again, pink) house made of fluff. They did not plan on attending the wedding, but then again, who could resist the charms and wiles (feminine or otherwise) of ‘Uncle Voldie’?

Lily and the Marauders are out of Hogwarts, living on their own. James and Lily are engaged, but not married, and they live in Godric's Hollow. ``When a legitimate theatre opens in town, presenting the play Les Miserables, Lily is ecstatic and encourages the boys to``audition with her. However, there turn out to be more than wholesome muggle-borns who are interested in this project. Rated R for some bad words our darling ickle Sirius couldn't keep to himself! (Bad dog!)

Harry Potter awakes to leave the Dursleys on his 17th Birthday. The humor is a little dry and dark, but he leaves, presenting them with a gift. Slightly off canon at the end, but it is my first ever fanfic and I am proud! Rated PG-13 by author for insults and cruelty.

Fred and George are on a mission: To get their sister Ginny to stop dating the Slytherin Draco Malfoy. From hair cutting to lip gloss, the two redheads will stop at nothing to get them apart. All the while, Harry has a not-so-secret secret, Hermione and Ron argue(surprise surprise!), and it's all around madness in the castle! Will the twins succeed or will Ginny retaliate? AU, one-shot, and BEFORE Deathly Hallows. Also, there's a little slash, but it's not graphic and it's only mentioned.

Sequel to "Seamus Finnigan and the Search for a Soulmate." Harry's been dumped. But luckily his Gryffindor friends have a few ideas to get his girl back. Wait, did I say "luckily"?

All those times they thought Hermione was at the library, she was actually donning a pink leotard and mask as a crime-fighting diva! Justice is served to Cho Chang and Mary Sue (read if you hate both of them).

Seamus is having problems with his love-life. Ginny takes pity on him. When he tries an unconventional route to fix things... well... we'll just say that no good can come of this.

The wizarding world is no longer safe... The Dark Lord has convinced the Leprechauns to join his side. Harry finds out that they are raping and murdering innocent girls. What can he do to save the world once again? Or will it be someone other than Harry that will save the day? You'll be horrified, you'll be sad, and then--at long last--you'll laugh hysterically.

Have you ever wondered what exactly the Marauders did while in class? Why, they wrote notes, of course! Here and now you can read the REAL notes from all four marauders with a special quest appearance from Lily Evans (soon to be Potter)! JP/LE, SB/OC, RL/OC, PP/please; you really think I'd give HIM someone to love?

Sirius has an amusing idea.

Rowena and Helga discuss the school's motto and have some laughs. WARNING: Contains male-bashing.

What happens when Voldemort rediscovers love? This fic tells the story as Voldemort struggles with various things such as apologies, sighing, making bacon, and most importantly, what to put inside his goody bags.

McGonagall finds a new kind of music to get into. She is rapping going down the corridor when Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the same corridor. Oh no!

Mortie Wimsey, a descendant of famous Lord Peter Wimsey, a second-year Gryffindor, once, strolling along the Lake on Sunday, hears a hideous yell...

Did you ever wonder what made Petunia hate Lily so much? Could``it be because of... The Marauders?! A tale of what happened when Petunia``finally had enough. Takes place during their first year, at Thanksgiving break.``And yes, I know Europeans don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I really don't care.

Harry and some boys are going to live twenty days in a castle, competing in a bachelorette-competition, with Hermione as the prize! She'll ditch one a day until there's only one left. But that's not all what happens: butterbeer parties, stupid tasks, betting, body transparation and ugly sofas comes up all the time. As if that’s not enough, Harry has to share a bed with Percy!

Subtitled "The Poor Sneakoscope That Died." Anyway, it's from the point of view of the Sneakascope that was imprisoned in Uncle Vernon's sock!

It's Ron's 21st birthday - will he get what he really wants? The answer is no. But what happens when someone gives Harry firewhiskey? And what happens when Fred and George find a blender? ``Starring Kleptomaniac!Ron, Drunk!Harry, Desperate!Ginny, and lots of firewhiskey...

SuperSeme!Delinquent!Harry and UltraUke!Draco in an innuendo laden piece. Can't tell you what's going on or it will give away the story.

Sirius and Severus first meet at the tender age of eight... and the results aren't pretty. Now it's up to Regulus, an excitable seven-year-old, to convince a suspicious Severus that not everyone in his family is like Sirius. The Black brothers and Snape as children... aww, aren't they cute?

On Friday 27th of December, Ron and Hermione find themselves in a very strange situation - they are each other!

Part three of the series started in "Maybe a Couple Times, to Be Sure." Last we visited the boys, Harry was off to...do his duty. It's now a year later, and Hermione and Ron have welcomed a baby boy into their family. Harry thinks that things will now go back to normal, but will he get his wish?

“Isn’t it fabulous, Molly?” Arthur chatted, pulling several more leaflets from his inside pocket. “Look, we can fly to Cairo on an airplane!”

Padfoot suggests to Moony, Wormtail and Prongs that they should form a band and perform at The Three Broomsticks. Based on the Grimm brothers' fairy tale "The Bremen Town Musicians."

Ginny needs a job, and she finds a good one too, but what happens when her boss turns out to be Draco Malfoy? Read through Ginny's journal entries and see how her life unfolds. One-shot!

This is a Harry Potter/Degrassi crossover. I thought it might be kinda fun (shrug). There's really no plot. I'm just making it up as I go along.

Harry has gone a bit mad after Draco's disappearance. But when he goes to talk to Bill about his obsession, he finds he's not the only insane one around.

Who could possibly be worse than Umbridge? Surely no one could be as bad as the person who set Dementors on Harry and put power in to the hands of Draco Malfoy. But it's possible and it's happened and now the sixth years at Hogwarts will be subjected to their new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. May God have mercy on their souls... Draco get's the shock, and the hug, of his life.

Astoria Malfoy wakes up to two news. The good one? She has a son. The bad one? Her husband has used her unconsciousness to name the baby... Scorpius.

What happens when the miserable little rat of pedantry starts to interfere with real work? Read, and reflect...

Two versions of the same character go out into their world with the same intention -- meet up with Ron and Harry and discuss Horcrux plans. A glimpse into each of those worlds. (Movie!Hermione vs. Canon!Hermione.)

A response to a challenge to create a fic under 1300 words that included self-promotion, a parody of the ships H/D, H/G, S/Hr, and a fanfic that I will not name due to me not wanting to get sued.````Must contain a section about the summer.``Must contain a section about the real world. Must include final battle between Voldie and Harry. ``Must receive 20+ reviews within fourteen days.````See how I did.

It's fifth year at Hogwarts, and Sirius Black wants to go on a double date. Unfortunately, he's dragged Remus Lupin along for the ride, on a date where nearly everything seems to go wrong.

Students in love, house elves making mischief, and extremely odd ships. All these things make for a fantastic parody of one of Shakespeare's greatest comedies, "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Hermione brings home a surprise that will change Severus' life.

How on earth did Lucius Malfoy get himself on the Slytherin Quidditch team? Find out in this short silliness, featuring Snape, Black and - beware - Narcissa! Marauder time, sixth year. A spin-off from Dramatis Personae.

Harry comes out of the closet! His fellow Gryffindors are awkward, so he decides to do his homework in the library where Draco makes a scathing remark. However, it isn't necessarily offensive towards Harry. A fluffy D/H slash ficlet.

The Marauders are at it again, no I didn't mean it like that! Oh never mind, they've got another plan in mind to humiliate the king of grease...but what happens when the king finds out about it first...with a little help from someone, Wormtail haters are welcome here>>

His heart stopped. His jaw dropped. He was in love. Though he was only eleven at the time, James Potter knew he would marry that girl, or die trying.

One-shot spoof. Parents of Muggle-born witches and wizards are becoming more and more reluctant to simply send their children off to an unknown boarding school sight unseen. And so it was that on one fine morning a group of parents found themselves assembling at the gate for an introductory tour of Hogwarts.

In the age of Reality TV the WWN have been cashing in on the craze. After a successful "Big Goblins" (Big Brother) series the WWN have set up a new series involving Muggles. Twelve Muggles will go to study at Hogwarts for twelve weeks, at the end of each week they will perform for the wizarding world. The Muggles are competing for a grand prize, one any normal wizard would want. What will happen when the Malfoys and the Weasleys set out to make the show a disaster?

The Golden Trio find the Hogwarts Pillar of Storage and unexpected surprises inside.

A funny parody.

"I am not a squab, debonair, bachelor of the month type." A Slytherin graduate is enjoying a very boring, normal, rich life when a mistake from his past comes back to haunt him. With a child. The story follows the child's growing up from when she is very little to when she finds her mother and other suprises.

"HARRY POTTER! You pervert!” This shocked exclaimation is only the first of many in this engrossing (and just plain GROSSing) tale of epic proportions. Originally titled, “Harry Potter and the Random Orgies of Hogwarts” (that title was far too dirty and not very funny), this nonsensical narrative will confuse far beyond your wildest dreams.

Lucius Malfoy has been called a pimp at the Ministry ... a pimp! Can you believe it? The nerve of people in general, these days! Malfoys are NEVER called pimps (well at least not to their faces...)! Does everyone else think Lucius is a pimp? Follow Lucius as he takes a survey of various people to see what they think.

What happens if you lock a group of people – say, Harry Potter & Co. – in a room, and not let them out until after they finish a horribly-written script of a truly horrible movie…? Care to find out? Thought so… Read it anyway!

When Ron visits the infirmary late one night, complaining of a headache, Poppy is very busy and shoos him to the cupboard. He grabs the first vial he sees and leaves, never bothering to look at the label. What happens when you suddenly aren't who you thought you were? Also, a lesson in looking at the labels of vials.