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Sirius is in need of a cigarette. Now. Or there will be trouble.

It's not as easy as Abracadabra.

Welcome to the story of how Voldemort tries to take over the world in five days! Followed by rookie sleuths (Harry, Hermione) who pursue him with cliches at the ready! Full of bizarre comments, random characters, pink fluffy handbags and very weird stones.

Poppy works in the hospital wing. She likes the job... it suits her and all... but then the Potions Master falls sick and she's asked to fill his position for a day. The problem is that the only class she happens to have is the Double Slytherin-Gryffindor class...

These are all filks based on the musical "1776", which portrays the circumstances surrounding the signing of the American Declaration of Independence in song. (Of course, events would have transpired a bit differently in the Wizarding World.)

Remus is The!Man. He will always be the man. Don't mess with the man. In fact, Remus is so much The!Man that Sirius and James are forced to obey his every command. So are several other Hogwarts students. But how long will all the The!Man-ness last? Is life mearly playing a sadistic joke on Remus?

'Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.'--Terry Pratchett, Eric A Harry Potter/Good Omens crossover.

This is what comes of spending too much time with three-year-olds. Ron and Ginny are at home on a rainy day, when who through the door should come? The Rat in the Hat, of course.

The Gryffindors lost a bet to the Slytherins. The Slytherins ask the Gryffindors silly questions, which prompts the other group to answers just as crazy as the questions are.

Professor Binns is the boringest teacher in the whole wide world. And I don't care if Hermione says he's interesting -- he's boring. So, it's not like anybody, except my mum and dad, expects me to pay attention in History of Magic. They all know that there's no possible way that I'll ever survive a class like that without SOMETHING more interesting to do. So, in the light of that, my mind started wandering and I began to wonder, how could Harry kill You-Know-Who?

Ron escapes the Burrow for a moment in the summer and heads to a nearby Muggle town. There he joins up with a new friend, and has an *interesting* time.

Ron writes a Divination essay and Hermione is his inspiration.

Harry realizes he may be the only one left in Hogwarts. (Ron/Lavender) (Hermione/Krum) (Ginny/Neville) (Seamus/Parvati) (Dean/Blaise) (Harry/Hermione)

In book 3 when Hermione and Ron are having their "differences", Harry locks them in a closet!

Rummaging through a box of his parents' things, Harry finds an old photograph of the Marauders, and proves himself to be more perceptive than his parents' old friends would have thought.

Draco's holding a siege; Harry wants into the bath.

Harry and Ron get sent a mysterious pink sweater in the mail... waffles ensue. You might want to read Malfoy's A Girl if you don't get the ending. Inside joke...

Inside The Dreams of Hogwarts Students! ``Ever wanted to see inside the dreams of Hogwarts students? Well now you can! Includes Harry, Ron, and a... mudpit? Ohh, someone's got a sick fantasy! *SLASH*

It's Harry's 6th year, and Hogwarts has some new arrivals... four girls from the North American continent. One is blond, very intelligent, somewhat insane, and obsessive about her writing and killing off Ron. Two are brunettes and guitar players, one who is very smart and fond of jazz, and one who is fond of rock. The fourth girl is very strange, obsessed with Draco and his ducky socks, and quite the Ginny-hater. It seems like it's going to be an interesting year for our heroes.

Is Lupin really all that he seems? Or did he make his living the old-fashioned way, by snake-oil and flim-flam artistry?

I was very bored & so were a bunch of my friends (the happy bunnys) so we wrote this story! Very funny yet a bit stupid so brace yourself 'cause this is what really happened over Christmas Break!!!

Hermione decides she needs a new 'do. Or, what does Snape do on his summers off?

James asks Lily to the Ball. It was supposed to be an Astronomy Tower story but I just couldn't make it fluffy, hard as I tried. It's not really sweet and, no, the title has nothing to do with emotions.

Harry Potter suddenly falls madly in love with sex god Draco Malfoy.

Hogwarts, 50 years ago. Tom Riddle and Rubeus Hagrid are on missions to find pets, and Olive Hornby and Myrtle Biney are on a mission to find boyfriends. A parody of the musical Guys and Dolls. Link to music included!

Harry Potter is in his seventh-year, and in a fit of drunkeness, he starts wondering if Voldemort really is the embodiment of all Wizarding evil...

The seventh years have a little too much fun a their graduation party... H/D SLASH

A fic written for a challenge created by myself and Lily Vance. Found inside are peanut butter Bertie Bott's Every Flavore Beans, maroon leather pants, and fun for all, including Pepsi and popcorn!

Unknown to many, Harry Potter had another cousin. His name is Larry Porter. He's not too sure he wants to go to Hogwarts, but then the law closes in and it may be his only way to avoid jail.

Harry is in love, Snape is fanonically abused, Zacharias is being followed by Justin Finch-Fletchley, Hermione is compiling a ten-step program and Draco is making voodoo dolls. It's Harry/Draco/Zacharias... only not really.

Ever wonder where Lupin heard about the 'Waddiwasi' spell he used on Peeves in PoA? Wonder no more, here's the story behind it.

Remus and Severus at the last battle.

For reasons to be disclosed here Crookshanks is now to be called Wesley, Ron is no longer allowed in the girl's dormitories EVER and the inccident with Harry and the Underwear dance will never be discussed again.

Harry needs to kiss a girl. Ron needs to tell Hermione how he feels. Hermione needs to be with Ron. Lavender enjoys snogging random people. Thus, Harry invented a rather fun game for them to play.

The Tri-Wizard Tournament is on, the new DADA teacher is crazier than ever, and McGonagall is getting sick of Snape in what rates as one of the most badly behaved years in his teaching career. How can all of this madness be present in one staff room without someone getting KILLED? CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!! is what the DADA teacher would say, but to the rest of us, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Anyway, read to find out for yourself.

Mrs. Weasley has a secret that she can never let anyone learn about. It would be the death of her and her dreams. Plus with crazy Lockhart cook book names, you can't go wrong reading this!

Wry!Harry, Mix-Master DJ Snape (yo), and Disco King!Voldemort all meet in the Forbidden Forest and get down with their bad selves. Also features gratuitous bird snogging and Lucius Malfoy's "Schnooglekins".

What everyone told Harry about the Death Eaters is not completely true. In fact, it's completely incorrect. What do the Death Eaters do at Headquarters, anyway? Plot? Torture? Kill? Nah, well, maybe torture. But not in the way everyone thinks. Join Lucius Malfoy for a typical Death Eater evening. Includes singing!Draco, Voldemort with an afro, and more! Be very afraid...

From the POV of the Nimbus2000...after being destroyed by the Whomping Willow, he has a few quarrels with Harry!

Soon after GoF, Voldemort returns to the Orphanage where he grew up, only to rediscover a powerful force even greater than himself.``Probably not what you think, but plenty of laughs! :)

The Marauders are having a pretty boring day during the summer when James announces his parents have recently acquired something called a "television." They watch some, discover golf, and chaos ensues.

Meet Blaise Zabini. A first-year Slytherin with anger management issues and an obssesion with cartoons and toaster ovens who curses more than a sailor.

Neville Longbottom, school teacher for Hogsmeade and Sleepy Hollow, comes into very close contact with a legend late one Halloween night.

Professor Eudice Eusyram returns, after over a year in limbo, to combat a new and greater threat then ever before!

Harry Potter is sick in bed! Who better to cheer him up than his once-arch-nemesis-now-lover, Draco Malfoy?! Huge fluffies alert! H/D--Slash!

Draco ponders how his point of view on love, girls, and cupcakes has changed since personally admitting his feelings for Harry.

What are Draco's deepest and darkest secrets? His agony over missing hairspray, and being liked by every girl in Hogwarts are just a few examples of what he rambles about in this one entry in his diary.

It's the summer holiday and Hermione's got a brilliant idea. Ron and Harry are completely against it but in the end, seem to be forced to go along with it.

Drusilla Quigley returns, taking Snape's advice, to interview Hagrid. But he's not really a loose-lipped twit... Er... is he?

Boredom drives Harry and Ron to playing games. But when they start asking questions, will they be ready for the answers?

When Draco Malfoy is bored, it is a very dangerous thing...

Sequel to 'Bellatrix Lestrange and the Housewarming Party Gone Wrong'. Same story, same madness. Harry's PoV. Read 'Bellatrix Lestrange and the Housewarming Party Gone Wrong' first. Only then will this story (almost) make sense (a little).

Look at the title and take a wild guess. Though...it's not exactly what you think.

Many people get detention at Hogwarts, in fact more then you might think. This story is based off of detention lines from FA students who have had to spend time with Snape, or Umbridge. If you've ever been to Scribbles in History of Magic, you've seen them around causing mayham and mischief.

The one thing every generation of Weasleys thought impossible, the one thing none had ever achieved, the one thing that will change one boy's life forever, has happened, and Ron will never be the same again....

Hogwarts gets a Physical Education teacher. Crossover.

It had been going like that for quite a while, when Remus sighed. "It's because you're a dog, isn't it?" ...Sirius gets excited by frogspawn.

Snape is called to a Death Eater meeting only to find that he must, once again, play the hero.

A series of one-shots featuring pre-Hogwarts Hermione, showing how the most clever witch of her year first knew she wasn't exactly your average girl.

Harry and Ron, alone in their train compartment on the way to Hogwarts, get to discussing their relationships with their girlfriends and with one another. Touching divulgences, regrettable impulses, and awkward silences ensue. Pity one of them doesn't fancy guys.

Hagrid's lessons are awful! He needs help to make them more exciting. Sirius was the last person he should have approached for a bright idea.

We promise you thrills, chills, Voldemort in a dress, and a totally Unexpected Plot Twist, now just read the fic, and review please. Thank you!

Harry gets a big shock at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He discovers new information about Hogwarts and its Founders...

Blaise Zabini is on a Quest. Never mind that he isn't exactly aware of what this Quest may consist of (although it's suspected that it involves at least one rather conspicuous rhinoceros), but - nonetheless - he must Persevere until he gives evil a good thwack in the shoulder blades and rescues his Damsel in Distress.

It is the first Christmas since the War, and Draco is determined to not enjoy it, but one obstacle continues to stand in the way of his unhappiness: Hermione Granger.

Harry has a strange dream in which eight American girls disrupt ``the quiet of the Gryffindor boy's room.

First chapter of the parody book, Hairy Pooper and the Kidney Stone, based on the first Harry Potter installment.

Reading the notes that the Marauders pass during History of Magic class may tell you a thing or two about their mysterious ways.... (Please proceed with caution.)

Marauders and marijuana. Innuendo. Wacky verbal hijinx (and a weensy bit of angst). Even members of other houses are oddly friendly under the influence! (Sirius/Remus preslash, Sirius/James flirting.)

Who'd have ever thought that the night Voldemort came to murder Harry, Lily and James could have been so. . . . amusing? Find out what really happened on that tragic and very silly night, and what spell Lily actually used to save her infant son.

Rita Skeeter once mentioned in an article that Love Potions are banned at Hogwarts. So how exactly did that rule come into existence? Join Rita and her best friend, Gilderoy Lockhart, as students in the spring of 1967, and you'll find out.

Mad Eye once told Harry, don't put your wand in your back pocket, greater wizards have lost their buttocks because of it. Advice such as this always has a story to back it up. This is that story.

After Harry read his MAD mag, he gives Ron a Lunchable. Superheroes around America hear of the Lunchables and come to get one. What none of them knows is that Emma Watson has been kidnapped by Voldemort.

Draco Malfoy expounds on life, and about how much his is certainly, absolutely, DEFINITELY not centered around his arch-nemesis.

Harry/Draco ficlet. Draco takes Harry's glasses, and Harry will do anything to get them back... Slash.

Post-OoP. Up to her old tricks again, Rita Skeeter attempts to interview Fred and George about their famous escape from school. Instead, she gets a scandal that will rock the ministry while the twins get revenge.

A ridiculous parody of a Harry/Hermione romance.

It's Arthur's birthday and Molly runs out of sugar. Small children and an eight-year-old in charge leads to a not-so-clean kitchen.

Hermione finds herself having to share Ginny's room with none other than Luna Lovegood. An encounter with one of the Burrow's more frightening residents ensures that forty winks will be hard to come by.

Harry drinks a potion that sends him to an alternate universe where Seamus has a crush on a Ravenclaw, and Harry has a crush on Seamus. Also prominently featured in the alternate universe is Draco vs. Voldemort. Harry wakes up in his universe brimming with ideas about how to kill Voldemort… and an insane crush.````Very random. Also, will probably be very AU.

(Addition to the "Stuck in a Room with You" series.) Although everyone is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, the one with the earmuffs will prevail! Also featuring a house made of chocolate.

A bit of Professor Flitwick's lecture to his Seventh Year Ravenclaw class on Fidelius Charms. I love working out how magic works, and though it's not easy in this case, it's still fun; this is just a bit of magical theory.

Yes, your drug-addled eyes saw right - it's a sequel to that most ubiquitous of franchises, "Smoke Two Joints". In this extended sequel- wait, make that threequel, you'll see Draco and Hermione hot-box the Leaky Cauldron's restroom, Fred and George go on a road trip, and Harry practically destroy Number 4 Privet Drive with a party involving copious amounts of weed and alcohol. Guest appearences by The Bitchy Policewoman, Lord V. & His New Monikers, Lucius M., Lucius' cane, and its new partner, the Slytherin Pimp Car. Thrill to the covert yet noisy guest bedroom liasons! Try to find Draco's pants! Question the unruly spellings! Wonder how the hell Michael Jackson got involved in it all! Light it up, smoke it up, inhale, exhale, and read on!

What has Neville done? Where is Snape? Why is everybody color-coded? Let's all say it together, "POOR NEVILLE!"

A parody of H/Hr.

They are sleeping outside. Even though Remus protested quite fervently earlier, he does admit that it is awful nice to sleep out here now, under the stars and the under a canopy of leafy branches that trick him into thinking he is in a rainforest. A bird in the distance sounds like a toucan and Remus pretends that this place is a tropical paradise, complete with a wild river (the still pond) and wild animals (James, Sirius, and Peter).

Even wizards get hay fever. Some get it really bad. And some have to pick the night before the Quidditch final to come completely apart with it. A sixth-year Gryffindor Chaser is not amused. Pure plotless sick puppy fluff. Mild hints of slash (SB/RL).

If fan fiction authors could rule the Harry Potter world, there'd be a lot of odd stuff going on. Welcome to the pilot episode of: ::start main theme:: The Harry Potter Parody Zone.

Remus is using a Magic Dictation Quill to make an entry in his diary. As he remembers the good old days, he resorts to the bottle to help him feel better. Every word he says is recorded.

"Know this, when the princess finally turns sixteen, she will die. And I'm not giving you any more details just so you won't be able to find a counter for it!" Great. Now what do we do?

They all saw Sirius on the floor. He was writhing, twisting, and convoluting on the ground. "Professor!" James yelled. "I think Sirius is the one possessed by Satan!" A short little one-shot about Sirius pretending to be possessed. There are some opportunities in life that you just can't pass up.

We know that in "Christmas on the Closed Ward" in Order of the Phoenix, everybody goes to visit Mr. Weasley on Christmas Day, but what happens when they get back to Grimmauld Place? I'll tell you what. Mayhem happens.

Some excerpts: Nelly (the Loch Ness Monster) shook her head at the man with the fluffy pink bathrobe, sitting across from her at the table, she still in a daze. Just two weeks ago this man had come to her lake, disturbing her peace, trying to enlist her help in his plans for world domination, and now they were at a tea party, talking about pink lace and weddings. By this time Harry, along with his girlfriend Ginny, and their friends, Ron and Hermione, left; supposedly back to their home in Fluffville where they owned an (again, pink) house made of fluff. They did not plan on attending the wedding, but then again, who could resist the charms and wiles (feminine or otherwise) of ‘Uncle Voldie’?

Harry Potter awakes to leave the Dursleys on his 17th Birthday. The humor is a little dry and dark, but he leaves, presenting them with a gift. Slightly off canon at the end, but it is my first ever fanfic and I am proud! Rated PG-13 by author for insults and cruelty.

Fred and George are on a mission: To get their sister Ginny to stop dating the Slytherin Draco Malfoy. From hair cutting to lip gloss, the two redheads will stop at nothing to get them apart. All the while, Harry has a not-so-secret secret, Hermione and Ron argue(surprise surprise!), and it's all around madness in the castle! Will the twins succeed or will Ginny retaliate? AU, one-shot, and BEFORE Deathly Hallows. Also, there's a little slash, but it's not graphic and it's only mentioned.

Lily and the Marauders are out of Hogwarts, living on their own. James and Lily are engaged, but not married, and they live in Godric's Hollow. ``When a legitimate theatre opens in town, presenting the play Les Miserables, Lily is ecstatic and encourages the boys to``audition with her. However, there turn out to be more than wholesome muggle-borns who are interested in this project. Rated R for some bad words our darling ickle Sirius couldn't keep to himself! (Bad dog!)

The wizarding world is no longer safe... The Dark Lord has convinced the Leprechauns to join his side. Harry finds out that they are raping and murdering innocent girls. What can he do to save the world once again? Or will it be someone other than Harry that will save the day? You'll be horrified, you'll be sad, and then--at long last--you'll laugh hysterically.

Have you ever wondered what exactly the Marauders did while in class? Why, they wrote notes, of course! Here and now you can read the REAL notes from all four marauders with a special quest appearance from Lily Evans (soon to be Potter)! JP/LE, SB/OC, RL/OC, PP/please; you really think I'd give HIM someone to love?

Seamus is having problems with his love-life. Ginny takes pity on him. When he tries an unconventional route to fix things... well... we'll just say that no good can come of this.

All those times they thought Hermione was at the library, she was actually donning a pink leotard and mask as a crime-fighting diva! Justice is served to Cho Chang and Mary Sue (read if you hate both of them).