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Severus Snape with blue hair, Minerva McGonagall in a thong, and a cussing Hermione all come together in this humorous post-Voldemort fic. Mentions of sex, homosexuality, and swearing.

Words: 8,087
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,038

Drusilla Quigley returns once more to interview none other than Albus Dumbledore. So what makes everyone's favorite headmaster tick? Miss Quigley is about to find out, and she's going to have an interesting article to write indeed...

Words: 948
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,037
To the Point by Mi
09/29/2003

One lonely night after the Dark Lord's Defeat, Professor Snape decides he wants to have sex. As blunt as that.

Words: 1,147
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,037

This was my submission for an old The Restricted Section fiction challenge. Ever wonder why Draco looked so morose as he watched the crowd in Flourish & Blotts in the Chamber of Secrets movie? Find all of your answers within!

Words: 2,180
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,037

It's not that their sex life is boring, no, but... well, Sirius has always been the experimental kind... Remus won't come out of it unscathed.``Padfoot/Remus, because you have to face it: they probably tried it at least once.

Words: 2,793
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,035

Yes, it's that time again...the Trio are back at Hogwarts, and it seems that a 'special event' has been organised for the amusement of students and teachers alike. Expect character manipulation by the All-Knowing Authoress, random references to certain SHIPs, and the return of a certain winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award...

Words: 3,119
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,033

Charlie Weasley takes Ron, Harry and Hermione to Romania over the summer to visit the dragon caves, but the vacation turns into a complete fiasco when Hermione finds herself in a very hot situation.

Words: 3,462
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,032

Fred and George Weasley are forced to travel to a dangerous pit to save Remus Lupin from death by boredom. On the way, they encounter a million plot holes, everyone of them more ludicrous than the first.

Words: 1,197
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,032
Surprises by mikage_kagasawa
07/31/2007

The things that surprise students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are those that are not magical.

Words: 713
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,029

Harry Potter, Arthur Weasley, his son Ronald Weasley, HIS wife Hermione Granger, and THEIR son Viktor all go to the Dursley house for a barbeque. To their surprise, there is not much of a fight from the awful family. "Dudley was everywhere, covering every wall in a mosaic of constantly more recent and much larger (due to the size of the boy in question) photos. In fact, it seemed almost as if a group of girls came and decorated the room as if Dudley was actually the lead singer in a pop group."

Words: 2,243
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,029
Casting Grouch by remus R us
09/13/2006

What if, all the world's a stage, and the characters of HP fan fiction are actors? This is the story of what happened between 'gigs', when characters meet in the Great Hall to share their complaints about how they're portrayed. Dumbledore has been rooted out of retirement after 'dying', James has doubts about Harry's paternity, Remus rants, and Voldemort does a Gilderoy. In short, mayhem ensues. These are not Jo's sterling characters. This group of players has been forced to enact some of the most atrocious parts in fan fiction-dom, and they're all primed and ready for the casting grouch.

Words: 4,211
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,029

What do get when you add a particularly reactive spider, a Potions Master, and a five foot free fall? A recipe for endless insanity.

Words: 3,327
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,029

Hermione Granger wakes up one morning and realises that she is in love with... who?! You'll just have to find out! With a worn out plot line and several spoilers for Astronomy Tower fics, this is a lovely parody by the lovely hanet... I LOVE SEVERUS SNAPE... *coughcough* (Hr/Everyone)

Words: 1,492
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,027
Quirks by Winged Dragon
05/31/2002

Just read it and find out. What Harry is doing during Potions one terribly hilarious day.

Words: 2,115
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,025
Briar Nose by Isiscolo
06/05/2003

A sweet and funny Potterverse version of the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale. Except she's not beautiful, she's not sleeping, and, well, maybe 'she' isn't the right word... Harry/Snape slash, AU

Words: 3,248
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,024

There's a thin line between love and hate. Is Harry Potter going to cross it? It's more than likely, with meddling twins, his raging hormones and one delectable blond Slytherin breaking into the Gryffindor common room one night ... Harry starts to wonder. Why the hell did he ever think he was straight? Disclaimer: Everything but the plot JK owns :(

Words: 723
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,024

This is an incredibly G-rated fic. Everyone and everything in this fic is sickeningly happy. The characters are polite, courteous, and enjoy building sand castles. (This includes Voldie!)

Words: 1,889
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,023
The Wizard of Odd by Orpheus
08/09/2002

...and you thought The Wizard of Oz couldn't get much better... now with all your favorite Hogwarts kids and a lemony fresh scent!

Words: 1,664
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,021

This is the sequel to "The Adventures of Lord Voldemort." Join Lord Voldemort, Bella, Lucius, Narcissa, Crabbe, Goyle, and Rabastan on the European jaunt of their lives! This is from Lord Voldemort's point of view in diary form. A little random. A LOT of crazy.

Words: 1,776
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,021

Fred and George are asked to look after Ron's youngest sons. Can they handle it? Hey, it's Fred and George here, of course they can ...or are they getting slow in their old age? Set at the same time as 'Beach Blast'.

Words: 1,657
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,020

Sirius and James have some fun...at Remus' expense. (Poor Remus.)

Words: 999
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,020

Hermione is slowly losing her marbles and develops an unhealthy obsession with Snape ... to his horror. The task of saving what is left of her sanity falls upon him of all people. What is wrong with Hermione and can he help her? Written before HBP, therefore AU.

Words: 4,734
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,020

Harry appears in the desert, naked. I don't need to say anything else about this story.

Words: 1,701
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,019

Oliver Wood: More singers, more failures and more… Gilderoy Lockhart! Weekdays, seven to eight on your Weally Wunderful Wizawds Watcher! And remember... more Gilderoy!

Words: 3,193
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,018

You've read the books. You've seen the movies. So naturally you think you know the Harry Potter Series. Right? Wrong! A tale of hilarity, randomness, sudden Apparation, and instantaneous subject change ensues while you ask yourself, 'What are they smoking?'

Words: 2,737
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,017

Dr. and Dr. Granger have a perfectly ordinary evening, when something very odd occurs. What do they do? "As a family, they made the decision to panic." Includes vampires, uncomfortable chairs, and singing hospital orderlies. The mystery of lost paperwork is solved. First in the 'First Signs of Magic' series.

Words: 4,089
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,015

It’s a parody.. It’s a soap opera, it’s... Till Death Do We Angst. If you enjoy the popular works of Cassie Claire and... Cassie Claire, then join us for a delightful series of Mary Sue mashing, bad plot smashing, song fic bashing installments. With each chapter comes more laughs, love and angst. This is the collaboration of Director’s Cut, Pedestrial Trink and Reluctantly, Mesmer. This is... Till Death Do We Angst.

Words: 6,574
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,015
The Letter by Nokomis
03/08/2003

Albus Dumbledore receives a letter from an old friend. Sort of. What does the letter say that would shock and confound even Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape?

Words: 1,773
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,014

Jerry Springer invites some Dark Lords and their mistresses over to drag out the dirty laundry and find out just what makes these women hot for the villain.

Words: 4,608
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,014

What would happen if three of Hogwarts most respected teachers had to leave and the school was left in the unsafe hands of Harry Potter, Gilderoy Lockhart and Remus Lupin? Well...this is a good place to find out.

Words: 6,067
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,014
In Pursuit by AmandaMancini
02/07/2004

The tale of an Unspeakable, and her most recent assigment: Tracking down the most dangerous 'Mary Sue' of their time. Follow Agent Karin Airbourne through a world of the deranged Mary Sues we rarely see and try really hard not to think about, either.

Words: 6,144
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,013

Before you go further, I must request that any search for a moral in this story is discarded. Now, please proceed to read the actions of the Marauders in their fifth year as they attempt to get back at Snape, woo Lily, and generally cause havoc.

Words: 1,930
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,012

He paused as he heard a hissing sound from behind him. Dreading what he was about to see, Fred turned and realized there were more of those things located on the lawn and all of them were spewing the same substance. Squeaking, Fred turned to run off the lawn, but all the objects were discharging the same material. He was trapped.

Words: 507
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,011

Draco Malfoy has a secret. It's a fairly innocent secret, really, but he can't risk *anyone* uncovering it. So what happens when Lucius finds out?

Words: 806
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,011

Determined to get at least one Weasley, Fudge arrests Ron for killing a Death Eater in battle. During court, when told to give his last words, Ron decides to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Harry has ADHD; Ginny is constantly being ignored; Draco is epitome of his fandom; many girls faint, cry, and scream; and a few ships get poked at.

Words: 3,623
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,011

A simple story about Harry, Ron and Hermione sneaking into a shop on the more mature end of Diagon Alley

Words: 2,802
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,011

This is just a quick "what if" list I came up with one very dead day at work. Come on, you know you love "what if" scenarios! Ninja Master Dumbledore makes a rare appearance.

Words: 1,344
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,010

1997. London. Six Slytherins share a vision and the common desire to the conquer the world... of haute couture. Warnings: HBP spoilers, naughty language and absurdist comedy!

Words: 3,581
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,010

Feuding houses have led Dumbledore to mix them up a bit. Features a talent show, mash potato ice cream, Mary Poppins umbrella, S&M Ginny, and more.

Words: 1,720
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,010

Arithmancy has been cancelled due to Professor Vector's illness, so the class goes to Muggle Studies. They are given a questionnaire to fill out--the modified, adapted, and considerably shortened but still insanely long registration to MONTY PYTHON AND THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL!!! Hermione fills it out, with hilarious consequenses.

Words: 1,169
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,008

A very young Sirius finds something interesting and consults James, ``leading into a barrel of trouble.

Words: 668
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,007

Here is your chance to watch Mary-Sues get ripped to shreds! Cliches, bad plots, and weird characterisation that only looks normal to the eye of the criminally insane (oh, and the author). ````You can tell it's good because ff.net deleted it!

Words: 821
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,007

*Ron/Draco* What do you get when two unsuspecting Prefects from different houses end up together in a Jacuzzi with scented bubblebath? Slash, of course!

Words: 8,091
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,005

Tonks may be Snape\'s double, Molly is worried, and Remus is, simply, Sweater.

Words: 1,313
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,005

Isn't the title self explanatory? Harry's secret is out! All of Hogwarts is soon to know that he is gay! With this Hermione becomes Harry's fag hag.

Words: 1,291
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,005

After a few hints from Ron, Harry finally realizes his feelings for Hermione. But, it just so happens that she is heading to France to visit some mystery guy that Harry's never seen, just heard about. Can or will he be able to tell her he loves her? Sometimes, it's just timing...

Words: 3,327
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,004
"Uh-Oh" by Emily Granger
04/26/2003

Revenge was never funnier...

Words: 1,532
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,004
Sleepless by Draconn Malfoy
02/12/2004

Fondness for fanfiction strikes Hogwarts as the Internet becomes a subject in Muggle Studies. The New Marauders (second and third generation) are stuck in the middle of it. Snape threatens, July giggles, and very bad mental images are given.

Words: 1,120
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,004

Arthur brings home a pair of Muggle trousers. What will Molly think? What mishaps will occur? Arthur discovers that Muggle clothing can be wonderful -- and dangerous. Featuring: scandalized!Molly, enthusiastic!Arthur, young!Weasley-children, and vicious!trousers.

Words: 584
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,003
No Hands Allowed by Anaimos
06/17/2003

During the war, Dumbledore starts a series of House competitions to lighten everyone's spirits. Food consumption contests, messy eating, and Harry and Draco rivalry abound, with a side of Weasley antics! Cream pies sold separately.

Words: 2,202
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,003

Our favorite arrogant Slytherin (you know, the one everyone thinks is part-veela) rambles on about Slytherins, Dark Lords, and betrothals.

Words: 1,531
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,002

Hermione's manifesto at long last! Come on, with a title like that, you just know it's gotta be funny...

Words: 524
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,002

Snape, pink, Britney Spears, Harry and Ron in the invisibility ``cloak. Need I say more?

Words: 1,993
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,001

A game of strip poker teaches Draco an interesting lesson in observation. What you see is not always what you get---or deserve. First in a series of vignettes about the Woman of Hogwarts.

Words: 3,829
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,000

Ron and Harry find the mirror once again. Harry sees the same thing as last time. But Ron sees something different... a girl....

Words: 602
Chapters: 1
Hits: 999

Ron shows his support for Harry in case Harry ever decides to become gay. But as it turns out, Ron should never put ideas in Harry’s head.

Words: 855
Chapters: 1
Hits: 998

The Malfoys take a visit to PBS. But not all is well in the world of children's television... death, love triangles, unrequited love, and sex lies ahead. WARNING: You may never look at Barney or Ernie's ducky the same way again.

Words: 3,411
Chapters: 2
Hits: 997

After Fred played a prank on his family, his family have been wishing to get back at him. They just got their wish.

Words: 760
Chapters: 1
Hits: 996

There's a young girl knocking on Severus Snape's door. She's got black hair tied in a tight bun at the nape of her neck, squarish glasses sitting on her nose, and a bit of a problem.

Words: 9,350
Chapters: 1
Hits: 996

The Men of the Order take a little time to remember the good things in life (and drink themselves silly).

Words: 1,517
Chapters: 1
Hits: 995
Spotted Dick by Ruhgozler
09/15/2002

Everyone is sick and tired of American Transfer Student, Mary Sue, especially her Housemates, the Slytherins. It's enough to make Draco lose his composure at dinner. Pudding flies. Snape prays. Warning: Some people think this is screamingly funny. Other people think it's sick and twisted. Rated R for sexual innuendo and violence.

Words: 955
Chapters: 1
Hits: 994
VoldeFest! by Sunspot
01/16/2005

When Harry’s victories over Voldemort become more and``more humiliating for the Dark Lord, the annual battle evolves into a festival celebrated by the combined Wizard-Muggle world. Welcome to VoldeFest!

Words: 9,571
Chapters: 7
Hits: 993

Hermione is wandering through a forest and falls asleep. She wakes up, and finds a vampire. She meets Buffy, and learns some strange things.

Words: 1,375
Chapters: 1
Hits: 993

What happened after Snape's Worst Memory? Well, let's say the Marauders had a little girl talk, in which they discuss James' crush on Lily Evans, or is it more than a crush?

Words: 2,716
Chapters: 1
Hits: 992
Les Potterables by Rainhawke
04/12/2007

Poor, good, noble, beneficent Harry Potter. All he did was steal some ham and for that he ended up with nineteen hours of detention. It just isn't fair. How is he going to deal with the injustice of the world? By singing, of course! Yes, it's finally happened -- Harry Potter meets Les Miserables! Hold your noses and step inside.

Words: 26,043
Chapters: 3
Hits: 992
Wizard Wheeze by Bazerker
05/04/2003

Fred and George have secured a site for their joke shop and the whole of Hogwarts will be there for the Grand Opening.

Words: 1,256
Chapters: 2
Hits: 991

I think the title is as explanatory as it can possibly be. We find Harry and Hermione in yet another problem. Hermione wakes up with stomach cramps. But we soon find out that she's... leaking, so to speak. Dripping with sick female-related humor. Rated R for excruciating detail, but with some fluff to start off with.

Words: 1,053
Chapters: 1
Hits: 991

It was the first magic book Harry wanted, one that Hagrid had to drag him away from. What was so special about it? One-shot.

Words: 1,206
Chapters: 1
Hits: 991

This is a continuation of Trillian Black's "And Now for Something Completely Different." I hope you enjoy the singing as it's not just Ron this time.

Words: 1,413
Chapters: 2
Hits: 991
An Aussie Adventure by Alli
10/04/2002

This Story takes place one year after Harry's graduation from Hogwarts. He works for the Ministry, but decides to take a month off and go 'Down Under' to Australia. There he meets Cassie, the quick-talking witch who taught him how to windsurf, landsurf, and everything else that them Aussies like to do!

Words: 7,582
Chapters: 2
Hits: 991

It's Christmas again, and Harry and Tonks are settled down in their new home. But when a debate comes up about a certain Muggle object, Tonks just can't leave well enough alone.

Words: 958
Chapters: 1
Hits: 991

A daring tale of all 'round tomfoolery when Fred and George Weasley become the new generation of Magical Mischief-Makers as keepers of the Marauder's Map.

Words: 4,448
Chapters: 1
Hits: 990

It's the beginning of the fifth year, but nothing is what ``anyone expects it to be. With the Evil Hand, frogs, rioting chess pieces, ``Jerry Springer, Blast-Ended Skrewts, and a rather odd duck.

Words: 2,428
Chapters: 1
Hits: 989

Severus Snape is a meany! Point blank. Will things change when he gets a visit from 3 very special ghosts?

Words: 4,288
Chapters: 1
Hits: 989

Harry is dared by Fred, George, and Ron one night to sneak down to the kitchens and steal some food, but what he finds out is something he really didn't want to know. What is it exactly that Snape does after midnight?

Words: 779
Chapters: 1
Hits: 987

An ill-advised prank by Draco Malfoy fills the Potions Classroom with an hallucinogenic smoke. Harry and friends embark on a difficult new quest - making it to their next class.

Words: 3,563
Chapters: 1
Hits: 987

A snippet from the Weasley family past; Fred and George play a prank on their younger brother Ron. Backstory to Ron's canon comment that Fred and George once tricked him into making an 'Unbreakable Vow'.

Words: 1,195
Chapters: 1
Hits: 986
The Potions Essay by kaeje
10/31/2004

Draco and Hermione are at each others' throats regarding a Potions essay.

Words: 547
Chapters: 1
Hits: 985

Hogwarts is in for a democratic change as a new position for student body president gears the school up for an election. With Harry the obvious favorite, Draco enters the race himself to try and sabotage Harry's campaign. From disco dancing to nude statues, election-chaos ensues!

Words: 4,425
Chapters: 2
Hits: 985

It is December 25th, 1980. Harry Potter is celebrating his first and only Christmas with his parents. And what's a Christmas without Sirius and Remus? This Christmas at Godric's Hollow is one to remember!

Words: 1,981
Chapters: 1
Hits: 985

Harry, Ron and Hermione are back at Hogwarts for their fifth year, but this time Draco Malfoy's a little harder to ignore. Starring an unhinged Malfoy, an oblivious Ron, and perplexed Harry, and Hermione, as herself. Also featuring the annoying narrator, a little thing called a war, and....

Words: 9,758
Chapters: 3
Hits: 985
Car Talk by METMA Mandy
09/28/2001

This is from the flying car's point of view... he's one sick automotive!

Words: 371
Chapters: 1
Hits: 983
My Fair Hermione by Anya Bird
11/09/2003

It's time for the Hogwarts musical! The school is putting on 'My Fair Lady' and Hermione makes some discoveries in the process. Very fluffy stuff! : )

Words: 3,479
Chapters: 1
Hits: 983
Talk Show by lanabear
11/02/2003

Harry and the gang go on Jenny Jones. Why are they there? Who brought them? Can they hide the fact that they're wizards from America?

Words: 1,597
Chapters: 1
Hits: 983

Draco's strange yet logical way of thinking gets him and Harry into a very experimental mood. That's "Experimental," with a capital "E," by the way. Mostly dialogue.

Words: 566
Chapters: 1
Hits: 982
Really Bad Eggs by Marie Goos
03/19/2004

Severus takes a trip to the Department of Mysteries that he lives to regret. The story of how Severus meets Nadia; part of the SSS universe.

Words: 15,031
Chapters: 1
Hits: 982

Behold... The world of Hogwarts through the yellow eyes of a Cornish pixie, who takes up the onerous task of matchmaking... Matchmaking for his beloved mistress, Lily Evans. Much madness ensues [and James Potter may die a thousand painful deaths in the process].

Words: 7,320
Chapters: 2
Hits: 982

Ever wonder if JKR was telling the truth about the way Harry and Draco met? Well, sources tell that she was lying! She just knew that some little peepers were going to read it and changed it because parents don't know how to tell their children the facts of life. Rather sad really. Anyways, this is really how they met... and ended up hating each other. BIG-TIME SLASH!!

Words: 2,703
Chapters: 1
Hits: 981
Draco's Kids by Lil_Diva
04/03/2005

Draco turns Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Pansy into toddlers because of his greed. What happens when Dumbledore tells him he must raise them? Features Fatherly!Draco and Maniacal!Dumbledore.

Words: 1,401
Chapters: 1
Hits: 981

Draco decides to stay in his room, one day, instead of going out with his friends. He composes a poem describing his one true love (other than himself), but who is the mystery Lady? Man? Object? of his affections?

Words: 503
Chapters: 1
Hits: 980

Harry is tired of his identity. Draco is bored and jealous of a Ravenclaw prefect. How will they solve their problems? Why, by being girls, of course!

Words: 589
Chapters: 1
Hits: 979

A certain little greasy haired first year helps Filch get revenge against the Marauders for dying his cat green.

Words: 1,471
Chapters: 1
Hits: 978

Lily is certain that the Marauders are planning something, though when she attempts to find out what it is, the only thing they tell her is "Classified Marauders' Information."

Words: 1,218
Chapters: 1
Hits: 977

Hermione went to America with her parents for the summer, and came back a bit different than expected - but still herself. Just a speculation on how a girl like Miss Granger might actually change over a few months' time.

Words: 1,173
Chapters: 1
Hits: 976

Snape changes his tack for Harry's Occlumency lessons, hoping to incite a stronger reaction.

Words: 873
Chapters: 1
Hits: 976

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are lost together in the Forbidden Forest. They can't seem to stop fighting. First they are fighting over who got them lost. Then they begin to fight over who hit on who.

Words: 1,205
Chapters: 1
Hits: 975