2,561 - 2,580 of 3,594 Stories

Harry is back at Hogwarts, and he finds himself fighting for a girl with none other than... Draco Malfoy! New relationships form and Harry is recovering slower than expected from the death of his late godfather. Voldemort returns, and there is some Star Wars action!

Hijinks in Care of Magical Creatures; MWPP humour, pure and simple.

In which Hermione puts her Omniculars to good use, Fred is tutored, the prefect's bathroom is violated, and Harry's invisibility cloak has many stories to tell.

A post-Hogwarts scenario. Harry Potter wanted to have a phoenix. Ernie Macmillan works in a pet-shop. It's as simple as that. Featuring a dead parrot and a hint of slash.

Luna Lovegood becomes a passenger on the Knight Bus, and meets Stan Shunpike, its conductor. Stan has a plan to take the Knight Bus... on water. Luna brings her oranges, Stan freaks out, and LUV STINKS.

Because Draco had certain, shall we say, difficulties with his last Potions essay, he has been forced into detention with Potty Wee Potter, scrubbing cauldrons. It seems simple, but for some odd reason, Draco cannot pull himself together. Everything is just so FUNNY, somehow.

The muffin incident... there is an incident with a muffin. A short story involving a particularly delectible pastry. (This story is AU, or No-U... depending on your perspective, I guess.)

Part 2 of my series explaining the spells used in HP books. (Part one was the Fidelius Charm.) Talks about the theory behind the Mirror of Erised, a bit about what was involved in putting the stone in it (not much), points out a few plot holes, and talks about the character of Mr. Potter.

Weird and pointless little one-shot fic about Ginny's life crumbled into two trashy pieces of printing paper. A little funny, somewhat morbid, about the transformation from Innocent Curious Freckled Ginny - to - Bad Punk Ginny.

Holidays at Happy Wizards Retirement Home are always exciting! Pancake breakfasts with Bingo make them even MORE exciting, though Hermione apparently hates both pancakes and bingo. Will Harry stay awake long enough for the festivities? Will Ginny remember what she was doing five minutes ago? Find out here in the third HAPPY WIZARDS RETIREMENT HOME!

Snowballs is a game with one objective. Cause as many humourous problems for your opponent as possible, without being touched yourself... Well, Draco and Harry aren't as good as they wish they were...

Long before Hermione wore buns, a little boy named Tommy Riddle lived in a rundown old orphanage. When Orion Jensen and his young apprentice Albus Dumbledore discover the boy's magical powers, complications lead to anger, and anger leads to another segment in the saga. The Phantom Vampire attacks!!

Featuring all the usual characters, a bunch of OCs with familiar sounding names, beating up Malfoy, the easiest way to defeat Lord Voldemort, and seals. Yes, seals.

What would you do if you suddenly woke up in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony and discovered you were an American transfer student? The tale of our hapless heroine--trapped in a world she never made--continues with as many bad cliches as possible.

Inspired by WIKTT and my brother’s dark humor. Hermione receives a letter from Severus on Christmas Eve. It’s a HG/SS fic.

The Sorcerer's Stone movie gets a makeover- along with some help from a really pervy Snape, Gryffindor bashing, and more references to obscure 80's cult movies than you can shake a bowtruckle at!

When Hermione stumbles into a crisis and disappears, Harry goes on a quest to find his girl and bring her back. And all he has on his side is a deranged Frenchwoman, a tattered copy of a book that no-one should want to read, and the knowledge that night-time is the best time to wash your hair.

Sirius Black never knew that baby-sitting little Harry could be so dangerous, so deadly, so--mortifying. For him, at least. After all, his Animagus was supposed to be a frightening dog, not a cute, cuddly teddy bear.

Even our favourite bunch of Slytherins were adolescents once. Now we get to laugh at the expense of Draco, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, and all the others! Rated for language and crude humour.

Hagrid needs to die an exceedingly painful death. Here's my suggestion.

The seventh-years have been studying the complex spell to begin their years as Animagi. Finally, after all their hard work, the students find out which animal they are as Animagi. Professor McGonagall and 'Mad-Eye' Moody supervise while some unexpected transformations take place.

This is basically Harry Potter meets the Fast Show. To those who have never seen the Fast Show it will make no sense, but it's good for a cheap laugh whether you're a fan or not.

While trying to hide one secret from her brother, Ginny potentially gains another one.

Harry's feet continued to carry him towards Snape's office, while his mind was battered relentlessly by comments such as, "I'm sure kissing Snape would be wonderful, even if he doesn't brush his teeth," and "You know what they say about men with big noses."

This is the diary of Pansy Parkinson, and her sixth year. What will she do when her beloved Draco goes out with girl!Blaise Zabini? She needs to get Draco back... but when she finally does get him back, after chocolates, a makeover, excessive shopping, and an image consultant, does she really want him? Pansy has to decide, the changed Pansy must decide between an unlikely new love interest, and the one who she's been pining for years after. Not what you may think!

The only fic of its kind! Bruiser, Basher, Rat, and Paix are the Quidditch balls of Hogwarts. Join them in their crate and in a game to see how they really operate!

Sirius is in love! There is a slight problem, though....

A short conversation between Ron and Harry about the latter's relationship with Snape.

What happens when Cornelius Fudge visits Margaret Thatcher to tell her about the magical community? How does she react? Find out in this little fic about the day that the female Prime Minister meets the Minister of Magic.

It's Christmastime again at the Weasley residence and everyone has come to join in on the holiday fun! Hermione, a drunken Harry, Trevor the toad, and... Draco Malfoy? This is sure to be a Christmas holiday no one will forget.

Draco gets a traumatizing flashback and sees someone he had hoped to forget.

Draco has a problem in the, uh, bathroom. How will he solve his predicament? And how does Hermione fit in the picture?

Dobby's needs aren't being fufilled at Hogwarts, so he goes to Hagrid in a last ditch attempt. Warning: This contains blatant slash! Half of the people who read this were squicked, the other half loved it. Just remember that it's humor - and read on at your own risk. *winks*``This fic contains adult situations that may not be suitable for all readers. Reader discretion is advised.

They handed Hermione an envelope and she reached her hand in and pulled out photos. She burst out laughing and everyone crowded around her to see what was so funny. It was photos of Ron as a nude little baby. One was of him shaking his little baby butt, another was his mother trying to force him into a diaper and him squalling. Ron blushed into the roots of his hair and Hermione, not wanting to embarrass her fiancé, put them away

Queue in theme from

VOLDEMORT! The Musical: The breathtaking story of the young, sinister Tom Riddle and his ascent to power as You-Know-Who! ``Rita Skeeter's defamation of the show only covered one page! ``Ludo Bagman BETS it will run on Diagon Alley for years to come! ``Includes the hit songs "Defying Mortality," "Suddenly, Slughorn," and "Boy Who Lived"!

A mysterious pumpkin pie arrives for Harry at the Gryffindor table one morning. Everyone who takes a bite and washes it down with a nice glass of pumpkin juice starts acting a little out of character. Snape is nice, Harry has the hots for Hermione, and Ron is a Death Eater. Can Hermione figure out why everyone is acting so weird?!

Eleven-year-old Lily Evans has an argument with her sister, Petunia, about whether magic exists.

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Snape (yes, Snape) decided after watching a MPFC marathon at Lily's house to write their own episode of the tv show. This is that script.

It's disgusting, shameful, improper, and indecent... 'Tis a terrible thing to be uxorious!

Harry turns thirty today. A party is being held for him at the Burrow, but he's dreading it. Why?

While visiting Japan, the trio ends up going through the Bone Eaters Well and find themselves in Feudal Japan, where they meet six traveling companions. The trio joins the group and they find lost hope, discover new friendships (not really), and try to find a way home. HP/IY Crossover.

McGonagall started and dropped her glasses. "Mr Black!" she exclaimed.

It's fifth year! Time for a little career counseling from our favorite Potions Professor....

Sequel to Voldie's Tea Party. After Voldie gets Harry hooked on tea paries, he, Ron, and Hermione begin to have tea meetings. But then, their guests disappear. Were they kidnapped? Did they run away? NO! You'll just have to see what did happen for yourself exactly what happened.

A play performed for the guests at the Malfoy Manor on New Years Eve, 1996.

What's a wizard to do if he needs to break into a Muggle high-security area without leaving a trace? Why, call in expert help, of course! Advice and assistance are especially vital when the security measures to be evaded are in the Tower of London, and the target is the Crown Jewels. Unfortunately, when Mundungus Fletcher is the expert in question, there's no guarantee things will go smoothly ... [Written for the

Lucius gets a very unexpected visitor at the Manor.

Lucius Malfoy is brought before a court to face charges of being a Death Eater. He also does everything in his power to convince them he is insane and unfit to stand trial. Told completely by the judge.

Successful young entrepreneurs Fred and George Weasley -- whose products sometimes seem almost magical! -- are interviewed by the 'Sunday Times Magazine'.

Antidote to denial fics! An author sleeps and a character cruelly done away with comes to exact his retribution.

A little snippet from the life of Ron, Hermione, Hugo, and Rose. Rose gets ahold of Daddy's wand one day while the family was playing in the snow.

Harry has at last defeated Voldemort, and the wizarding world rejoices – that is, almost all of them. Professor Flitwick finds love in an unusual place, and Fawkes the phoenix makes a new friend. Featuring an amazing bit of vocal work by Lucius Malfoy. A parody of the musical "Oklahoma!"

Ever wondered what happened to that little boy Harry saw playing with his father's wand at the Quidditch World Cup? Well now little Kevin is eleven years old and about to start school at Hogwarts. While shopping with his mother in Diagon Alley he runs into Harry Potter and discovers that he's not so different after all.

How did Lockhart become a teacher in Hogwarts? It was by accident really....

Ron talks Harry into sneaking out of Hogwarts to go to Hecate's Wizarding Nightclub to see the Weird Sisters. Ginny goes with them and much craziness ensues once they arrive in Hogsmeade. Snape in leather pants... Malfoy and his tag-alongs... And some unexpected behavior when too much Firewhiskey is consumed.

What does Harry like about staying at the Dursleys'? (I challenged myself to write a piece that meets the requirements of Icarus's essay "How to Write Harry Potter Magic.")

Two "heavy" characters from the Harry Potter world decide to seek a professional, muggle style. They discuss their concerns, problems, and anguish. It's a venting session. You find out some "dark" secrets. You can probably figure who these characters are from the beggining, but why not find out if it's a fun and interesting session.

"Valentine's Day. Whoever thought to enslave the human race with frilly hearts and oversweet candy was sick. Brilliant, yes. But nonetheless, sick." A story of love, devotion, and random mentions of chicken.

Voldemort has been defeated and a new Purple Lord has taken over. Can Harry and his Muggle-born resistance defeat him? Course not.

There's something strange about Lavender's pet rabbit Binky... (American version)

Severus Snape is dead... or is he? Riva Lupin, Remus Lupin's niece--and a good friend of the late professor--doesn't believe so. During the summer, Harry and she--along with her pet turtle Remington--will conduct an investigation that will lead them to a shocking conclusion.

Trying to finish a History of Magic essay that's far less interesting than Hermione would have him believe, Harry muses that really, some things haven't changed at all.

Harry attends the reading of his father's will and learns more about himself and his father than he ever could have imagined. For a Fandom Cliché Challenge.

Something funny is going on at Hogwarts this year, what with that crazy contest, and everyone maturing. People have started to notice each other in a different light, and then there are those who already have.

This is a blatant parody of Mary Sue fics. -- Mary Sue is headed to Hogwarts... but nothing goes the way she expects.

Femmslash. Fleur/Ginny. Ginny and Fleur meet at a bar and drink as they talk about the uselessness of the male half of the population. Then, they head back to Fleur's place...

Revenge is sweet, and it is exactly what this one-shot is all about. Sequel to "This is What a Story Looks Like When You're Drunk." The girls write a little story of their own.

"...Under different circumstances, let’s say if Ron didn’t think he was about to die, he would have appreciated the house. It was huge! The whole Burrow could have easily fit in the entrance way. Ron was dragged into what looked like a torture room. There is where he was strung up..."``To see what happens to Ron, read on! Also, there is an implied Draco/Ginny at the end.

"Just because he was dead before then..." Ravenclaws get the best of both worlds: not-so-magic markers, Draco Malfoy's green (no, peridot!) cushion, SoPro-ElWel, Montague obsession, music overload, and Snape's horrible pronounciation.

Snape has a secret. He'll do anything to keep anyone from finding the truth.

Father—``All of Hogwarts has gone crazy, and you need to come here and put it all to rights. Please hurry.``Your son,``Draco``P.S. This is all Potter’s fault.

Fred has Never Been Kissed, and he wants to punch Ron. The two are related, really. Warnings: Slash, incest, juvenile humor.

The Familiars Council at Hogwarts convenes to discipline Mrs. Norris for her untimely prank...

Lavender spills the beans about the quidditch party that hooked up her and Ron Weasley to Dennis Creevey, but will this little hole in the dyke expand into a massive waterfall of shame???

Sirius has managed to get himself and his friends locked in an unused linen closet by an irate house-elf. His friends aren't very happy with him. Featuring old potions homework, pink armadillos, and carrots.

A horrible rumour has been spreading through the Wizarding community that Draco Malfoy is predictable! In order to suppress this vicious lie, Draco devises a not so clever scheme to prove the world wrong. But to his chagrin everyone else is acting strangely out of character. Just what on earth is going on in Hogwarts?

The Hogwarts students go on a trip to see a certain person suspended above the Thames.

“Hmm…” the hat started, “yes, I think I know exactly where you’ll go…”

"There it was, lying on the table, just waiting to be picked up. Draco had done it before and a couple more times after that. The knife was just shimmering with the sunlight just touching it so making it look like a priceless piece of jewel glimmering..." What is Draco going to do with the knife?

"Dennis Creevey's first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was an eventful one." Brave Dennis decides to meet the creature that saved his life.

Next set of Snowballs! This one includes more on those snakes, Ron's still a candy cane, and more amusement and giggles...

Neville wants a girlfriend, but he has - or thinks he has - a small problem. A lucky find offers him the solution. Unfortunately, he's never been really *good* at Potions...

Seven-year-old Charlie Potter is visiting the Malfoy residence for the weekend. Xavier Malfoy, an exact copy of his father, tells her some things about the birds and the bees, or what he knows about it. In defense of her mother, Charlie takes an admirable stand. Written for those who wanted to know what Xavier Malfoy really told Charlie. A prelude to How to End a Boring Day.

Captain Malfoy is back and facing a fate worse then death. Can he survive when he's surrounded by people thicker then the big print version of 'Hogwarts, a History'?

When Hagrid forgets to gather the Christmas trees to put up around Hogwarts, he employs the help of Draco, Potter, Weasley, and Granger.

In which two-year-old Fred and George react to the birth of their brother Ron. They're mean, they're brats, and they call Percy "Fathead."

Eight years after graduating from Hogwarts, the trio has split up. Hermione is working for the Ministry of Magic, Ron has moved to America to work for a wizard corporation, and Harry is kind of... sort of... a monk. Ron has been burdened with the task of creating the "ultimate beauty potion". But when his boss threatens to fire him if he does not succeed, Ron is forced to make a decision. Which is more important: his friends, or his career? A R/Hr fic, featuring Hermione busting out of her clothes!

Malfoy is tricked into entering a "Miss Magic" pageant. But what else could go wrong? PLENTY!!

Draco Malfoy is beset by the greatest question of all. To shag or not to shag Harry Potter? A play and parody based on quotes from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I woke up one day, and a little voice piped up, "Fuzzy pink bunnies!" I frowned, looked confused, turned to the little voice, and replied, "Fuzzy. Pink. Bunnies?" And so more trouble was born...

You asked to see the latest Periodic Conduct Review on Professor Severus Snape, currently out on License from Azkaban Prison. The Review was carried out yesterday and the Report was owled form the “Blue Badger” pub in the early hours of this morning. It appears to have been jointly written during the course of the preceding evening.

A true story translated into Potterverse. Concerns Harry Potter and our favourite Potions Master.

Draco treated himself to a little smirk as he ran along the corridors with Hermione beside him. So far, he’d managed to convince those Gryffindor dunderheads that he was Neville with Draco’s personality. Of course, he’d known all along about Snape’s plan.

A light-hearted encounter shared between Dumbledore and a small Muggle girl named Maggie. It's a Christmas fic!

What happens when a bunch of people are forced to participate in a dreidel dueling game?

It is the first day back after winter break during Harry Potter’s fifth year. A lone Eagle Owl caring a gift-wrapped box swoops into the Great Hall during breakfast. Just what is inside the box?

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fictional characters agency service building everyone was trying to finish their work quickly so they could leave early. But Arthur Miller is maylaid by a disappointed customer.

Ever wondered what it is like inside a wizarding STI clinic? Draco never cared, but then one day, he found himself thrown upon their goodwill. A place where surnames don't matter if you've got your sausage hanging out.

Features twelve of the main characters plus Richard Simmons and some rabid panthers. Not for the faint of heart.