2,541 - 2,560 of 3,594 Stories

Imagine yourself working for the Ministry and had to control the wizards and witches, who are going to the Quidditch World Cup. A/N Trust me, you won't regret reading this story or....I....eat my shoe.

"Shall I tell you something? I hate cats. With a passion. I hate cats. And dogs, too, come to think of it. I hate dogs, as well." Severus Snape

Response to rachelmalfoy's "St Patrick's Day Challenge"! Involves our favourite Gryffindor boys in a woman's lingerie store, a somewhat garbled Lord of the Rings quote and the colour green.

Harry Potter has finally defeated Lord Voldemort, and in "reward" gets a temple built to his honour. No one wishes to hire Harry - as they are scared of his Divine Powers. This is not an acceptable situation, and Harry takes action.

Come one! Come all! Can a Crossover of Hannibal and Harry Potter be done? Of course it can, you nitwit! This fic brings a whole new meaning to H/Hr. Get a clue! The H doesn't stand for Harry in this one! Plays about the Malfoys and drooling contests ensue, along with mad snog sessions.

Weasleys, Weasleys, and more Weasleys, but for a reason. Each chapter is a story about a Weasely and their favorite fruit... and how they got their favorite fruit. 1st chapter's Bill! Moral: Never get in between a Weasley and their fruit... especially not on said Weasleys' birthday.

The heart-wrenching tale of a professor and a student's love for each other. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you may be a bit disgusted! Involves a portrait out of character, a bit of Mass Snogging, and a very, very Hogwarts ceremony.

Snape is going to end this war, one way or another.

The title says it all! Tom Jones (LOL), Fangirl Petunia, and Snape's tea party!

Fred wants a dog more than anything, and he'll do anything to get one. Anything at all.

Something rather strange happens during a Divination lesson, and Harry decides he doesn't like eating fish.

Short one-shot story about Harry's - and Hermione's - ah...interesting choice of jobs.... This story includes SLASH (Snape/numerous Gryffindor boys).

Next in the Monty Python series--it's Draco's turn! Enjoy!

After an incident at work, Draco is forced to see a therapist or risk losing his job. To say he's angry is putting it lightly. But when he gets to the office and sees the name Ginevra M. Weasley on the door... well... it only adds fuel to the flame. But Ginny isn't exactly ready to embrace Draco with open arms, either....

Luna and Ginny practice for the D.A. Hilarity ensues. Minor OotP spoilers.

Ron has an accident in his closet while getting ready for his date with Luna...then Harry and Hermione make a trip to the closet after having a jinx fiasco.

Thanks to a bet lost to Malfoy, Ron gets in touch with his feminine side and finds out why the Queen is the most powerful piece on the chess board. Featuring CabaretDrag!Ron, Disco!Harry, and 'Fro!Hermione

What would happen if Neville decided that Snape deserved a taste of his own medicine?

In appreciation of the author's inclusion of more humorous stories, the Hogwarts students invite me to spend sometime with them in their world. A continuation of sorts from "I Panicked."

Maybe those fumes in Potions have some side effects, because Harry and Ron are seeing Hermione talking with Malfoy. But probably Malfoy is just evil and put her under the Imperius curse. Meanwhile the Weasley twins are spending some quality time in the Slytherin dungeons. (Let me tell you Snape is not one happy camper in this fic.) Some Hufflepuffs are trying to get a boyfriend they don't have to share. Everyone else is just off trying to get lucky... and they took the plot with them.

Harry is back at Hogwarts, and he finds himself fighting for a girl with none other than... Draco Malfoy! New relationships form and Harry is recovering slower than expected from the death of his late godfather. Voldemort returns, and there is some Star Wars action!

Hijinks in Care of Magical Creatures; MWPP humour, pure and simple.

In which Hermione puts her Omniculars to good use, Fred is tutored, the prefect's bathroom is violated, and Harry's invisibility cloak has many stories to tell.

A post-Hogwarts scenario. Harry Potter wanted to have a phoenix. Ernie Macmillan works in a pet-shop. It's as simple as that. Featuring a dead parrot and a hint of slash.

Luna Lovegood becomes a passenger on the Knight Bus, and meets Stan Shunpike, its conductor. Stan has a plan to take the Knight Bus... on water. Luna brings her oranges, Stan freaks out, and LUV STINKS.

Because Draco had certain, shall we say, difficulties with his last Potions essay, he has been forced into detention with Potty Wee Potter, scrubbing cauldrons. It seems simple, but for some odd reason, Draco cannot pull himself together. Everything is just so FUNNY, somehow.

The muffin incident... there is an incident with a muffin. A short story involving a particularly delectible pastry. (This story is AU, or No-U... depending on your perspective, I guess.)

Part 2 of my series explaining the spells used in HP books. (Part one was the Fidelius Charm.) Talks about the theory behind the Mirror of Erised, a bit about what was involved in putting the stone in it (not much), points out a few plot holes, and talks about the character of Mr. Potter.

Weird and pointless little one-shot fic about Ginny's life crumbled into two trashy pieces of printing paper. A little funny, somewhat morbid, about the transformation from Innocent Curious Freckled Ginny - to - Bad Punk Ginny.

Holidays at Happy Wizards Retirement Home are always exciting! Pancake breakfasts with Bingo make them even MORE exciting, though Hermione apparently hates both pancakes and bingo. Will Harry stay awake long enough for the festivities? Will Ginny remember what she was doing five minutes ago? Find out here in the third HAPPY WIZARDS RETIREMENT HOME!

Snowballs is a game with one objective. Cause as many humourous problems for your opponent as possible, without being touched yourself... Well, Draco and Harry aren't as good as they wish they were...

Long before Hermione wore buns, a little boy named Tommy Riddle lived in a rundown old orphanage. When Orion Jensen and his young apprentice Albus Dumbledore discover the boy's magical powers, complications lead to anger, and anger leads to another segment in the saga. The Phantom Vampire attacks!!

Featuring all the usual characters, a bunch of OCs with familiar sounding names, beating up Malfoy, the easiest way to defeat Lord Voldemort, and seals. Yes, seals.

What would you do if you suddenly woke up in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony and discovered you were an American transfer student? The tale of our hapless heroine--trapped in a world she never made--continues with as many bad cliches as possible.

Inspired by WIKTT and my brother’s dark humor. Hermione receives a letter from Severus on Christmas Eve. It’s a HG/SS fic.

The Sorcerer's Stone movie gets a makeover- along with some help from a really pervy Snape, Gryffindor bashing, and more references to obscure 80's cult movies than you can shake a bowtruckle at!

When Hermione stumbles into a crisis and disappears, Harry goes on a quest to find his girl and bring her back. And all he has on his side is a deranged Frenchwoman, a tattered copy of a book that no-one should want to read, and the knowledge that night-time is the best time to wash your hair.

Sirius Black never knew that baby-sitting little Harry could be so dangerous, so deadly, so--mortifying. For him, at least. After all, his Animagus was supposed to be a frightening dog, not a cute, cuddly teddy bear.

Even our favourite bunch of Slytherins were adolescents once. Now we get to laugh at the expense of Draco, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, and all the others! Rated for language and crude humour.

Hagrid needs to die an exceedingly painful death. Here's my suggestion.

The seventh-years have been studying the complex spell to begin their years as Animagi. Finally, after all their hard work, the students find out which animal they are as Animagi. Professor McGonagall and 'Mad-Eye' Moody supervise while some unexpected transformations take place.

This is basically Harry Potter meets the Fast Show. To those who have never seen the Fast Show it will make no sense, but it's good for a cheap laugh whether you're a fan or not.

While trying to hide one secret from her brother, Ginny potentially gains another one.

Harry's feet continued to carry him towards Snape's office, while his mind was battered relentlessly by comments such as, "I'm sure kissing Snape would be wonderful, even if he doesn't brush his teeth," and "You know what they say about men with big noses."

This is the diary of Pansy Parkinson, and her sixth year. What will she do when her beloved Draco goes out with girl!Blaise Zabini? She needs to get Draco back... but when she finally does get him back, after chocolates, a makeover, excessive shopping, and an image consultant, does she really want him? Pansy has to decide, the changed Pansy must decide between an unlikely new love interest, and the one who she's been pining for years after. Not what you may think!

The only fic of its kind! Bruiser, Basher, Rat, and Paix are the Quidditch balls of Hogwarts. Join them in their crate and in a game to see how they really operate!

Sirius is in love! There is a slight problem, though....

A short conversation between Ron and Harry about the latter's relationship with Snape.

What happens when Cornelius Fudge visits Margaret Thatcher to tell her about the magical community? How does she react? Find out in this little fic about the day that the female Prime Minister meets the Minister of Magic.

It's Christmastime again at the Weasley residence and everyone has come to join in on the holiday fun! Hermione, a drunken Harry, Trevor the toad, and... Draco Malfoy? This is sure to be a Christmas holiday no one will forget.

Draco gets a traumatizing flashback and sees someone he had hoped to forget.

Draco has a problem in the, uh, bathroom. How will he solve his predicament? And how does Hermione fit in the picture?

Dobby's needs aren't being fufilled at Hogwarts, so he goes to Hagrid in a last ditch attempt. Warning: This contains blatant slash! Half of the people who read this were squicked, the other half loved it. Just remember that it's humor - and read on at your own risk. *winks*``This fic contains adult situations that may not be suitable for all readers. Reader discretion is advised.

They handed Hermione an envelope and she reached her hand in and pulled out photos. She burst out laughing and everyone crowded around her to see what was so funny. It was photos of Ron as a nude little baby. One was of him shaking his little baby butt, another was his mother trying to force him into a diaper and him squalling. Ron blushed into the roots of his hair and Hermione, not wanting to embarrass her fiancé, put them away

Queue in theme from

VOLDEMORT! The Musical: The breathtaking story of the young, sinister Tom Riddle and his ascent to power as You-Know-Who! ``Rita Skeeter's defamation of the show only covered one page! ``Ludo Bagman BETS it will run on Diagon Alley for years to come! ``Includes the hit songs "Defying Mortality," "Suddenly, Slughorn," and "Boy Who Lived"!

A mysterious pumpkin pie arrives for Harry at the Gryffindor table one morning. Everyone who takes a bite and washes it down with a nice glass of pumpkin juice starts acting a little out of character. Snape is nice, Harry has the hots for Hermione, and Ron is a Death Eater. Can Hermione figure out why everyone is acting so weird?!

Eleven-year-old Lily Evans has an argument with her sister, Petunia, about whether magic exists.

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Snape (yes, Snape) decided after watching a MPFC marathon at Lily's house to write their own episode of the tv show. This is that script.

It's disgusting, shameful, improper, and indecent... 'Tis a terrible thing to be uxorious!

Harry turns thirty today. A party is being held for him at the Burrow, but he's dreading it. Why?

While visiting Japan, the trio ends up going through the Bone Eaters Well and find themselves in Feudal Japan, where they meet six traveling companions. The trio joins the group and they find lost hope, discover new friendships (not really), and try to find a way home. HP/IY Crossover.

McGonagall started and dropped her glasses. "Mr Black!" she exclaimed.

It's fifth year! Time for a little career counseling from our favorite Potions Professor....

Sequel to Voldie's Tea Party. After Voldie gets Harry hooked on tea paries, he, Ron, and Hermione begin to have tea meetings. But then, their guests disappear. Were they kidnapped? Did they run away? NO! You'll just have to see what did happen for yourself exactly what happened.

A play performed for the guests at the Malfoy Manor on New Years Eve, 1996.

What's a wizard to do if he needs to break into a Muggle high-security area without leaving a trace? Why, call in expert help, of course! Advice and assistance are especially vital when the security measures to be evaded are in the Tower of London, and the target is the Crown Jewels. Unfortunately, when Mundungus Fletcher is the expert in question, there's no guarantee things will go smoothly ... [Written for the

Lucius gets a very unexpected visitor at the Manor.

Lucius Malfoy is brought before a court to face charges of being a Death Eater. He also does everything in his power to convince them he is insane and unfit to stand trial. Told completely by the judge.

Successful young entrepreneurs Fred and George Weasley -- whose products sometimes seem almost magical! -- are interviewed by the 'Sunday Times Magazine'.

Antidote to denial fics! An author sleeps and a character cruelly done away with comes to exact his retribution.

A little snippet from the life of Ron, Hermione, Hugo, and Rose. Rose gets ahold of Daddy's wand one day while the family was playing in the snow.

Harry has at last defeated Voldemort, and the wizarding world rejoices – that is, almost all of them. Professor Flitwick finds love in an unusual place, and Fawkes the phoenix makes a new friend. Featuring an amazing bit of vocal work by Lucius Malfoy. A parody of the musical "Oklahoma!"

Ever wondered what happened to that little boy Harry saw playing with his father's wand at the Quidditch World Cup? Well now little Kevin is eleven years old and about to start school at Hogwarts. While shopping with his mother in Diagon Alley he runs into Harry Potter and discovers that he's not so different after all.

How did Lockhart become a teacher in Hogwarts? It was by accident really....

Ron talks Harry into sneaking out of Hogwarts to go to Hecate's Wizarding Nightclub to see the Weird Sisters. Ginny goes with them and much craziness ensues once they arrive in Hogsmeade. Snape in leather pants... Malfoy and his tag-alongs... And some unexpected behavior when too much Firewhiskey is consumed.

What does Harry like about staying at the Dursleys'? (I challenged myself to write a piece that meets the requirements of Icarus's essay "How to Write Harry Potter Magic.")

Two "heavy" characters from the Harry Potter world decide to seek a professional, muggle style. They discuss their concerns, problems, and anguish. It's a venting session. You find out some "dark" secrets. You can probably figure who these characters are from the beggining, but why not find out if it's a fun and interesting session.

"Valentine's Day. Whoever thought to enslave the human race with frilly hearts and oversweet candy was sick. Brilliant, yes. But nonetheless, sick." A story of love, devotion, and random mentions of chicken.

Voldemort has been defeated and a new Purple Lord has taken over. Can Harry and his Muggle-born resistance defeat him? Course not.

There's something strange about Lavender's pet rabbit Binky... (American version)

Severus Snape is dead... or is he? Riva Lupin, Remus Lupin's niece--and a good friend of the late professor--doesn't believe so. During the summer, Harry and she--along with her pet turtle Remington--will conduct an investigation that will lead them to a shocking conclusion.

Trying to finish a History of Magic essay that's far less interesting than Hermione would have him believe, Harry muses that really, some things haven't changed at all.

Harry attends the reading of his father's will and learns more about himself and his father than he ever could have imagined. For a Fandom Cliché Challenge.

Something funny is going on at Hogwarts this year, what with that crazy contest, and everyone maturing. People have started to notice each other in a different light, and then there are those who already have.

This is a blatant parody of Mary Sue fics. -- Mary Sue is headed to Hogwarts... but nothing goes the way she expects.

Femmslash. Fleur/Ginny. Ginny and Fleur meet at a bar and drink as they talk about the uselessness of the male half of the population. Then, they head back to Fleur's place...

Revenge is sweet, and it is exactly what this one-shot is all about. Sequel to "This is What a Story Looks Like When You're Drunk." The girls write a little story of their own.

"...Under different circumstances, let’s say if Ron didn’t think he was about to die, he would have appreciated the house. It was huge! The whole Burrow could have easily fit in the entrance way. Ron was dragged into what looked like a torture room. There is where he was strung up..."``To see what happens to Ron, read on! Also, there is an implied Draco/Ginny at the end.

"Just because he was dead before then..." Ravenclaws get the best of both worlds: not-so-magic markers, Draco Malfoy's green (no, peridot!) cushion, SoPro-ElWel, Montague obsession, music overload, and Snape's horrible pronounciation.

Snape has a secret. He'll do anything to keep anyone from finding the truth.

Father—``All of Hogwarts has gone crazy, and you need to come here and put it all to rights. Please hurry.``Your son,``Draco``P.S. This is all Potter’s fault.

Fred has Never Been Kissed, and he wants to punch Ron. The two are related, really. Warnings: Slash, incest, juvenile humor.

The Familiars Council at Hogwarts convenes to discipline Mrs. Norris for her untimely prank...

Lavender spills the beans about the quidditch party that hooked up her and Ron Weasley to Dennis Creevey, but will this little hole in the dyke expand into a massive waterfall of shame???

Sirius has managed to get himself and his friends locked in an unused linen closet by an irate house-elf. His friends aren't very happy with him. Featuring old potions homework, pink armadillos, and carrots.

A horrible rumour has been spreading through the Wizarding community that Draco Malfoy is predictable! In order to suppress this vicious lie, Draco devises a not so clever scheme to prove the world wrong. But to his chagrin everyone else is acting strangely out of character. Just what on earth is going on in Hogwarts?

The Hogwarts students go on a trip to see a certain person suspended above the Thames.

“Hmm…” the hat started, “yes, I think I know exactly where you’ll go…”

"There it was, lying on the table, just waiting to be picked up. Draco had done it before and a couple more times after that. The knife was just shimmering with the sunlight just touching it so making it look like a priceless piece of jewel glimmering..." What is Draco going to do with the knife?