2,341 - 2,360 of 3,594 Stories

A conglomeration of scenes, quotes and actions from the Harry Potter series scrunched together into short skits to prove for sure that no Harry Potter character should take part in intellectual combat with another. Slight exaggeration and warping of people, places, things, and nouns in general that have to do with HP may ensue.

Harry's got a wee beastie crawling around inside his chest. But what if it isn't metaphorical?

As the title says, Voldemort decides to team up with the infamous lab mice, Pinky and the Brain, to do away with Harry Potter, once and for all. Voldie still has his ugly red eyes. Pinky reveals his true identity. Hedwig is the hero. But what will happen to Harry?

PG for a stupid-humor rewrite of chapter 32 of GoF. Harry and Cedric run from Wormtail, who, in this version, is rather incompetent at "killing the spare."

The four future founders--Godric Gryffindor, his lady love, Rowena Ravenclaw, her friend, Helga Hufflepuff, and a secret admirer, Salazar Slytherin--are in their last year of schooling at The English Academy for the Magical Arts. The foursome gets restless and excited at the upcoming break in their studies, and plan a little trip; O.K., so maybe it's not THAT little....

Pansy has some news to tell Draco. He isn't very keen on paying attention.

Crabbe and Goyle often find themselves thinking deep thoughts about life, the universe and everything. And they'd like to share them with other people. But Draco doesn't let them.

Pity poor Peter Pettigrew! All he wants is to be liked and admired. But when Lucius Malfoy gives him an offer he can't refuse – what's a boy to do? Sing and dance, obviously. A parody of the new classic musical "The Producers" by Mel Brooks. Featuring a song by Mr Crabbe!

Snape hates Christmas. In this short ficlet, find just one of the reasons why.

On a completely normal day Harry Potter slips over something. It turns out this "something" is actually Voldemort's weapon of DOOM!``Harry, being the hero, has to make sure Voldie doesn't get his slimy hands on this very important weapon.``This, of course, isn't as easy as it might sound...

31st December: I think someone keeps looking at my diary. Has appeared on some website under 'fanfic' or some such. Prob. Malfoy thieving. Stupid cane-twirling ponce. Hopefully not Bellatrix... mmm... Bellatrix....

It's not so easy, you know, being a Dark Lord and intimidating people and all that. It's all about the act. It's a matter of practice. Assistant Director: Severus "I have to know my motivation" Snape. Beware of complete and utter nonsense.

"Merlin, Granger, I didn't taste that bad," came a spat from the conjoined bedroom. Hermione popped her head around the corner, pulling the purple, plastic toothbrush from her mouth.

Based on the short story, 'Belinda Buckle Fancies You' in David Lawrence's the 'Chocolate Teapot.' In which Harry writes a love letter, Pansy sulks, Neville falls from his chair and Snape hands out detentions. Set during HBP.

Ann has always had some strange theories. When one of them proves true, though, she finds herself with four teenage wizards landing in her shower. Her favorite four mischief makers have found their way from Hogwarts in the 1970s to America in 2004. Sure, it's great to get to know them, but how does she send them back?

A Post-Hogwarts fic that has Harry and Ron going on a adventure with a thousand drugs.

Severus never meant to get into the cult scene, really. All he wanted was a pretty pair of shoes. One shot.

Ron tries to find a way to escape the excessive heat and Pansy Parkinson. Not necessarily in that order.

We ain't no Death Eaters - We're misunderstood. A filk by the Slytherin Class opposite Harry to Gee, Officer Krupke from West Side story.

Let's face it: Harry Potter's life has never, ever been normal (not even when the Dursleys oh-so considerately tried to give him one), and it never will be. All of his problems stem from the``strange guy we all know affectionately as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But, will our dearest You-Know-Who ever find a new, unique way to make Harry's life a living hell? Hell yes!

Ron has developed a love for the bean. However, because of its side effects Hermione wants him to give up the bean.

It is Hermione’s 29th birthday, and her husband (a certain redhead whose name starts with the letter R), gives her what he thinks is the best birthday gift any woman could ask for - a broomstick. Is he right? Hermione doesn’t think so. But it isn’t all that it seems....

Who is this tall, dark, rugged man at Kings Cross station? No other than Harry Potter, and he’s sick and tired of been pushed around. Now, he’s out to show everyone that the term "bad boy" was invented for him. Hogwarts and Hermione will never know what hit them.

In our Trio's sixth year, the staff comes up with an interesting way to raise inter-house morale. That's right, a poker tournament! But things turn crazy when the butterbeer starts to flow. Featuring Snape in a red visor, McGonagall channeling Christina Aguilera, and Professor Sprout...in purple spandex?

In this sequel to A Geezer Wheezes, our steadfast biographer continues his research, learning more than he wanted to ever know about Harry Potter and his friends.

Sequel to Crookshanks and the Laser Pen. Harry recieves the laser pen, and when he is kidnapped by the Dark Lord he must rely on this tiny muggle toy to escape...

The tragic and sometimes horrifying tale of Nearly Headless Nick's accidental adventure through the Hogwarts castle during mating season. Please enjoy at your own risk.

Harry gets a flavor he's not expecting.

Daniel Jackson and Remus Lupin need to earn some money. They take an unlikely but obvious route; and we follow them through their lives thereafter.

The handsome, majestic, and... okay, I'll get to the point. I'm Crookshanks. As a cat-kneazle, I have a hobby of stealing things, biting things, and invoking chaos on all of witch and wizard kind.

It takes two devils and a pair of cursed shoes to teach Tonks how to impress Remus.

After a disastrous game against Hufflepuff, Harry goes to drown his sorrows in Hogsmeade. Unfortunately, he left his better judgement back in the showers, and end up making a mistake that will follow him around for as long as he tries to deny it. Having to come to terms with new discoveries about himself, Harry's in for a very difficult sixth year.

Harry has been sent to the head's office for bad behaviour and is waiting for Dumbledore to arrive when he spots the Pensieve lying on the desk.

Levon Vahanian is a very respectable Armenian warlock in search of foriegn customers for his souvenir shop. One day, a flamboyantly dressed English man walks in his shop and asks him about how he saved the town from werewolves...

Harry is sixteen, and his dating record is just plain sad. What is it that prevents his happiness? As it turns out, music.

Severus Snape is passed a note by his stalker, I mean Sybill Trelawney and of course Minerva McGonagall is loving it. (The ships included are only mentioned slightly).

First year Pansy Parkinson didn't know what to expect when she woke up in her Slytherin dorm for the first time. Follow the eventful first morning at Hogwarts of Pansy, Blaise, Millicent, and Draco as they get to know their roommates, learn where the hospital wing is, and forge lifelong friendships.

Hermione wakes up and gets the shock of her life... Draco Malfoy in bed beside her. At first she's confused... then she remembers being at the Three Broomsticks and a bet she'd made with Malfoy. But if this isn't bad enough, Ginny walks in on them and Hermione finds herself in a sticky situtation.

If you've read The Marauders: Year One, you know they were friends (or at least acquaintances) with the Gryffindor girls of their year. This is some of their stories.

Hermione has never been drunk before. It's an astonishingly embarrassing experience. (Slight AU.)

James and Rose make pranks at naturally as most people breathe. Sometimes, they go a little wrong.

Harry has another nightmare and finds some unexpected benefits - namely, a sympathetic Hermione.

What happens when the Weasley twins find trouble instead of causing it?

Lord Voldemort has reluctantly agreed to write his confession on a roll of parchment. Here is what he has to say to the world...

Draco tries hard to convince himself that he hates Hermione by writing a list of the things he hates about her. But when the list falls into Hermione's hands...

Tonks culminates a bad day by ushering in a couple of very unexpected visitors: an old, troubled friend, and his dog.

Harry's long hour practicing Quidditch leaves him with something he'd rather not have...

Just a typical, normal, ordinary, bizarre, strange, and horrific day at Hogwarts. Warning: This story is not supposed to make sense or have a plot, or meaning!

Everyone was upset when Rowling killed him off, but one fangirl decided to do something about it.

Sirius Black is not jealous. Of course not. Not at all. He just doesn't like the way Angela's newest admirer keeps looking at her and drooling... Well, maybe he is a little jealous.

Have you ever wondered what became of Gilderoy Lockhart after CoS? An article in the Daily Prophet reveals the answer to this question to the trio who most likely haven't wondered about Lockhart either...

They're in their twenties now, out of school, but they still have the same spirited sarcasm they always had. Read an interview in The Time-Turner newspaper about the infamous Marauders and their activities...along with other things.

Sequel to The Day Petunia Went Mad. It's the day before MWPP/Lily go back to Hogwarts, and Petunia decides that now is the time to show them what she's made of!

When Draco starts dating Ginny, weird things start to mar his perfect neck skin.

They wooble. They kreble. Let the snerking begin (Spellcheck optional).

"Possibly, just possibly, it was very bad idea to go to dinner that night."``Teachers should always be present. Some things just should not be seen. Well, it's all a matter of taste, really.

No one knew why the Snape hated Christmas so much,``Some said facing a werewolf had scarred him a touch,``Some said serving Lord Thingy had made him a prat,``But most said it was due to a vulture-topped hat.

Life is beautiful in the Malfoy Mansion... According to Draco, ``that is. But a new evil force may change that forever! Now Draco is faced with ``a challenge: Defeat the evil Lord Lispbeger, or talk to cute fluffy bunny rabbits.

Like, WHY is Draco Malfoy calling The Burrow? Featuring a fabulously yummy and SWEET Draco. *drool* A parody of sorts. D/G!!

This is a songfic of Sinead O'Conner's 'Nothing compares to you'. Sung by Voldemort to Harry during Voldy's weaker times. If you ever wondered what Voldy sings when he has (on rare occasions) a shower, this is for you. Funny and creative.

Sequel to Snowballs! The further adventures of Draco the teddy bear, Harry's dancing (and now singing!) snakes, and more giggles...

Would you sleep with Vernon Dursley? ``What if Harry's life depended on it? Ron/Vernon. So wrong. Harry is going to owe Ron big time.

The Marauders Neo are at it again! Professor Snape searches for the culprits while the pranksters pull off another impressive stunt. Sequel to Tradition.

Zacharias is telling ghost stories. And he most certainly is not a cigarette. Minor Ron/Zacharias slash.

Draco must rely on his quick wits to survive a Death Eater meeting gone awry.

This was inspired by Serpentina's lovely SS/HG story "From This Day On". I recommend reading that one first. Severus and Hermione's young daughter Tina can't sleep, and neither can her baby brother...

Ginny Weasley has started up with a diary again, but now it's a different sort of world. Her diary becomes her confidant and her solace through the summer after her fourth year.

Arthur Weasley is still fascinated by Muggles. When he brings home a pair of trainers for Molly, what on earth will she think of them? Contains throwbacks to the early '90s that may confuse some of our younger readers.

Someone tries to place a terrible curse on Hogwarts, but thanks to Dumbledore's protection charms, the result is a singing spell! Everyone in the castle must sing their deepest, darkest emotions until the mystery is solved. But when true feelings emerge and chaos ensues, will Voldemort be able to take over the mad castle with ease? Can Harry win love, defeat Voldemort and carry a tune? Featuring songs from West Side Story, Moulin Rouge, Rocky Horror Picture Show and more, all sung by Hogwarts students and staff!

After Draco Malfoy joins the Death Eaters, Hermione Granger is sent to ensure the induction does not go smoothly. With ingenuity and some muggle humour, Draco's chances for life among the Death Eaters seem as likely as a dead (Norwegian Blue, lovely plumage) parrot, only being "tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."

After a disastrous incident involving Ginny, a Hogsmeade weekend and a pleasant conversation, Harry decides Ron needs to hear a few choice words. Ron, however, doesn't get what the big deal is. Harry is more than happy to explain.

Draco takes a walk in the woods. Hilarity ensues. Featuring a kitten, Quidditch, pink robes and a lumberjack! Warning:H/D slash, and drug references

It's Fred and George's final year at Hogwarts and they are busy inventing as usual. But a sudden accident makes them see someone in a whole new light.

Sir Ron and the Green Knight: a faux Arthurian epic as told by the Lady Hermione le Fay. Danger! Seduction! Men hacking at each other with overly sharp pointy objects! A short dissertation on the idiocies of the feudal system! And true love! (Well, maybe not the last one...)

Emmaline's Muggle Studies class goes to a Muggle Ice Cream shoppe. Comparison fic of Harry, Draco, and Ron. NO SLASH! ::amazement::

Welcome to the OoP filk musical, “At 12 Grimmauld Place," which tells the story of OoP in songs from the classic movie, then musical, “Forty-Second Street.”

Arabella decides to be included in the magical community by writing an advice column... will (hopefully) be updated occasionally, so if you like, check back!

Why does first year Luna Lovegood want so badly to enter the Forbidden Forest?

Harry walks into the twins' shop, alone. Big mistake? It seems so, but Harry could also have a few tricks up his sleeve.

Draco goes to the Burrow for an 'initiation' ceremony. What horrors await him?

Twinkle Toes: Ron, Hermione and Harry play a trick on Snape, who is blissfully unaware for a long, long while. Dumbass. Jelly: Ron hears a rumour about Draco...and uses it to his great advantage. Of course. Well, what else is he going to do with the information?

Not so much a fanfic as a look into the future. This is what happens to Harry at the end of book seven. Don't question it. Live it.

This was a challenge fic put forth by Laucia Siandel, I decided to take it up to see if I could actually make a sensible story out of the requirements listed below. ````* Harry unable to get his nail polish off (just for Circe). * Dumbledore's secret about him and (character of your choice). * An unusual paring . * The Giant Squid Speaks, and give someone some good advice. * What really happened that night in the prefects bathroom. * Someone dying in the most ironic way you can think of. * The line "Its not my fault, he framed me. He was going to cut all my dolls hair off!". * Fire Whiskey. * The return of Lockhart. * A character changing sides (But not Draco or Snape).

Harry enters his room, only to find that all of his socks have vanished! Who took his socks? Where are they? Will Harry ever get them back? A funny fic all about socks.

You want to read this story: A)It features a gorgeous but still snark-ily attractive Draco. B)Hermione is a librarian with issues. C) There is going to be mud wrestling. D) It's fairly entertaining and not too long. . .oh and er...um...chocolate to those who review...the good kind too....none of that fake stuff....

It's April Fool's Day, the Marauders are bored and they haven't teased Snape for days. So they find an empty classroom and gather their supplies...

Feeling a little confused about the identity of the Half-Blood Prince? Fear not, you aren't alone. Harry discovers that he, Voldemort, Ron, Hermione, and a few surprising guest others are confused about it as well.

Ron Weasley is a wizard from a very old wizarding family. But he also has to face problems every Muggle sometimes has to deal with. Unfortunately, his stay with his girlfriend Hermione Granger during the Easter holidays leaves him with unusual and unpleasant treatment. How does he handle the situation?

Poor Mary Sue! She came to Hogwarts looking for a bit of fun with a mysterious, brooding hero-type...but it looks like her hero's already in love!

Well, Ron and Harry decide to write Moldie Voldie an invitation to a slumber party. But when they actually get a reply, things get weird. This in only the first chapter.

Fred and George Weasley never thought that being hauled to Filch's office could be a good thing. Now wrong they were. one-shot

Harry gets zapped to the "real world." How does it go? What would you do if you had a second chance? What would you change?

The story of Hagrid's wand, as told by Hagrid's wand.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy as superheroes! Join in the guttery fun as they save the world from Lord MoldyShorts. An appearance from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! (Harry/Draco slash, AU, Parody)

When the Dark Lord has trouble recovering from his Obliviator Charms, Draco, Ginny, and their pink-haired offspring are asked to help him relocate to Japan. A squirrel wreaks havoc, a toaster complains loudly, and general madness ensues. Utterly silly D/G.

Young Draco and Lucius have completely silly and pointless arguments about hippos and dolls.

It has been decades since the last Ghost Revue, and since then, three more ghosts have joined the school's gang. Come meet them!

When a baby beluga falls out of the sky, it drastically changes Hogsmeade and the lives of Harry and Hermione. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Written in a moment of not only Harry's, but also the author's confirmed insanity. Busted bashing, stupid!Harry, and McGonagall snogging a whippersnapper with scary eyebrows. Harry sits on Snape's knee and is bottle-fed. Hilarious!

We've all seen the cane Lucius Malfoy carries around. Some might say it was a Pimp Cane. But what if that cane was an entity of its own? Someone trapped inside for the whole of eternity? What if the Pimp Cane was Bob?