2,281 - 2,300 of 3,594 Stories

You've seen the movie (or have you?). Well it doesn't matter, because this fic bears little to no resemblance to the fine picture. I present, therefore, for your amusement, your favorite characters from the "Smoke Two Joints" series taking a mad trip through Diagon Alley. Acid; LSD; Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. Psilocin. Psilocybin. Plenty of Tetrahydrocannabinol, for good measure. Read the fic. Laugh it up. Peace out. ````Rated "R" for some profanity and extreme drug use.

What if Monty Python's sketch Hungarian Phrasebook happened at Hogwarts?

Things for Draco and Harry in Arithmancy are bitter, until a strange twist and an odd kiss. With manticores, DayNightmares and rude signs, this is keeps you wondering to the end.

Essence of Bleeding heart in a potion, Neville as a Potions partner? Obviously Harry peeved off Snape pretty good, so where do the consequences land him? In the Slytherin House of course...

Sequal to Ogden's Old Firewhisky. Fred and George lose their enchanted Red Currant Rum.

A parody of the first Harry Potter movie.

A missing moment from OotP, Ginny pleads with Luna to stand up to her brothers' teasing.

Seamus just wants Ron to come out from under his bed. He has some rather unusual methods of getting him out. Hey, at least it works! S/R S/O

When a mysterious dog appears on the Hogwarts grounds, Professor McGonagall is forced to seek temporary shelter with Professor Flitwick. Written for the hp_friendships challenge on LiveJournal.

Nanny Ogg goes to Hogwarts to help out in the kitchens and ends up practising her very special brand of magic. Will Granny (assisted by Snape) save the day? Will Snape find true love? Will Hogwarts ever be the same again?

A Draco/girl!Blaise moment in Potions. Boys will be boys. One-shot.

Sirius Black's interest in wizarding comics leads to some startling discoveries.

AU: Written Pre-HBP. Eighteen-year-old Severus Snape is having a very bad day. After getting into a argument with his "future wife" (until he finds a way out or they kill each other), Potter and Black steal his chocolate eggs his mother sent him. After a very unexpected kind act by someone equally as unlikely, Severus does something he regrets.

We've all got to find jobs when we leave school. How did Dean Thomas get into his present line of business?

Professor Marchbanks of the Wizarding Examination Authority has a little score to settle with Dolores Umbridge.

It's a new year at Hogwarts and there's a new DADA professor and Potions Master. And just what does Dumbledore want?``Also Entitled: What Should Have Happened. AU to OotP.

Harry finds himself back in action after years of living in sin.

Features Hermione and Draco, although not together. Read only if you are dying for another parody of Mary Sues, and if you have a fondness for Mike Nelson, or randomness. And references to other parodies that I have enjoyed. I wanted to do a humorous story, after reading so many cheesy MS stories as well as well-written parodies on ffnet. I wanted to tip my hat to other stories’ universes. So many have written such awesome fics that it’s a wonder I ever get anything else done. It’s my way of paying a tribute.

In Hogwarts, like in all the other Wizarding schools of the world, the staff must confront trouble with the Love Potions frequently. In a castle packed with teenagers it only seems to be inevitable.

Interruptions is the story of the real notes between the Marauders when they were in school. But that's not this story. This story is basically the same, but with an actual plot. However, it does take place after James and Lily's wedding. Watch as the story unfolds in the next installment of 'Interruptions'.

Draco isn't really sure how Pansy convinced him to come here. Well, yes he does know. But that doesn't make it any better ... Warning: Trio love, gay!fanon!Draco and drunken!slutty!Pansy. You have been warned.

Another addition to the HairyDragon fables. You know how the story goes, but mine has a few twists...

Ron, determined to be a protective older brother, decides to send Dean a friendly owl over the summer defending his sister's virtue. He is surprisingly bad at this... read to see him struggle with deathless prose, a lack of firearms, and unhelpful older brothers.

Ron, afer finding out about the "fiction" world of Harry Potter, decided that he needs to send Rupert Grint a letter. He tells a bit about the "real" world and how crazy everyone thinks he is. Includes discussion of the professors and blingful!Dumbledore.

Everyone has to die sometime. And Trevor... Well, lets just say... What a way to go!

Double Fantasy: the long-awaited sequel to both "The Cruel Fate of the Innocent" and "The Dueling Club Revisited". Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and all the other people that you'd expect in any respectable humorfic come together for Christmas dinner.

During their fifth year at Hogwarts, the Marauders get a very interesting surprise when a contagious, personality-altering potion is slipped into James' drink. Who did it and what will happen in the process of finding that out?

Sequel to Okay, It Had to be Done! Yes, it's a while, because my ...um pet...dictionary has been sick. Now where was I? Oh yes, another well-written, plotfilled successful parody of Harry Potter fanfiction... couldn't make it so I've given you this instead. Thank you for your time, and get some tape for your sides.

Another parody--this one of just about every romance with Remus and/or Sirius ever written. Contains TONS of implied naughtiness, both slash and het, and also some rather opinionated ranting. Read at your own risk!

Sequel to "The Shotgun Bride." The further adventures of redneck!Draco and Ginny as they deal with family, friends, marriage and everything else that comes their way.

Luna tells a bedtime story to her daughter of lawn-gnomes striking back at two children.

Five years. That's how long Neville Longbottom has put up with Severus Snape, and he is fed up. With the help of the Weasley Wonder Twins, Neville takes out his comical revenge on his greatest fear. With a boggart in a hat box and a camera, I can't imagine what will happen next.

Malfoy became a Death Eater and was caught by Harry. For his punishment{on Harry's request}, he was turned into a ferret. He escapes into a nearby house, which happened to be Neville Longbottom's. Just a warning, the narrators are insane! This is where our story begins...

Maia Christine Knight is a relatively normal, average Slytherin girl. It's an image she wants to keep up. However, her father is back - actually has been for over a year, but finally remembered her. It isn't easy being the Dark Lord's daughter (whom he dotes upon), especially when you're given the task of 'seducing' Harry Potter. Yep. As predicted, it all does end in a crazy mess. It doesn't help when you have to deal with an amorous Malfoy, jealous rivals, and a suspicious Granger. But she has help from her friends, in the form of the brilliant but violent Theo Nott, the 'weirdo' Blaise Zabini, and Steph Nott (she's having more fun with this than she should be). Unbeknownst to Maia, though, Dumbledore and Snape have ahold of her diary...

It's Halloween and Draco is bored stiff out of his mind. So, what does he get up to in the Forbidden Forest? Who does he, unfortunately, meet there unexpectedly? Something goes terribly wrong; will Draco have to live with it forever? Find out who and what Stompy is!

In the traditional fairytale innuendo... nothing makes much sense...

Hermione's parents want to meet the two boys who are her best friends to make sure they're not her boyfriends. When Harry and Ron show up at the Grangers' for Christmas, hilarity follows. That also might have to do with the boy-hating father or the lovesick neighbour.

Ron and Hermione have invited Harry to move in with them, and Harry wants to. The only problem is explaining exactly why to Remus and Sirius...``Harry/Ron/Hermione and Remus/Sirius

The story behind Harry's absolutely very first broom... whose idea was it really?

They say that role play can spice things up in the bedroom... But will it work for Seamus and Dean?

“I’m putting the parchment in my trousers for safe-keeping, and then going for a stroll in the Great Hall. I’m hoping I won’t be stripped in public.” ``“You can’t put my essay in your trousers!”

Or, "The Extremely Satisfying Deaths of 'Professor' Umbridge". See three short stories of everyone's most hated teacher being eaten, fried, baked, shot, and blown to smithereens!

Draco and Ginny mess up the potion they are working on. Filch is suspicious. Hijinks ensue.

The Marauders and Company get their hands on some muggle board games. Hilarity ensues.

What goes on when Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Cho and Draco enter the Big Brother game show? Who will be voted out first, and what is this strange fascination with armpits?

Lucius Malfoy is finding the task of killing Harry Potter very annoying. Also, he is surrounded by morons. Poor, poor Lucius.

His owl is a nutter, his potions teacher wears plaid socks, and someone left a mysterious nappy somewhere in the dorm. Ergghhhlack. But still, add some prank pulling, good friends, and mysterious poking people, and school might not be as bad as it seems.

Severus Snape has been kidnapped and replaced by a poorly written interloper from another novel. Jurisfiction agent Thursday Next must enter the pages of “Harry Potter” to set things right with the help of some familiar faces. RomanticHero!Snape doesn’t stand a chance.

Rita Skeeter enjoys writing about Harry. Now that Hermione is letting her write again, she decided to do a huge piece on him.

AU Fic; Severus Snape isn't as horrible as he appears. When Harry Potter walks in for a wrongfully given detention and finds Snape playing the Nintendo game Narc, his relationship with his Potions master changes...

As Hermione continues her stand on House-Elf rights, something very surprising happens that sends her emotions spiraling in a direction she didn't even know existed, starting with a question and ending with flowy blue dress robes.

Ghost!Sirius decides to pay a little nighttime visit to his godson so he can deliver some very crucial information ... or, at least, what he thinks is vital, that is....

Down in the dungeons, odd things happen late at night.

Harry finds out Snape is his father. Or is he? Parody of all the Severitus stories out there.

Two years after the fall of Voldemort, Hermione convinces Harry and a few Weasleys to try out trick or treating.

Ron and Hermione look back at their wedding day and fondly remember the laughs of that day.

He's old, he's cranky, but he's still Harry. Listen in on an conversation between him and his new biographer.

Reactions of the Azkaban staff on the night Sirius Black escaped.

Ron has come to save Hermione from a nasty encounter with Viktor Krum! What's the best way to save her? Duel! Set in the summer after fifth year.

Lucius Malfoy confronts the ultimate dilemma. Featuring hair problems, the Evil Overlord Gift Guide, the results of Slashing Hexes, Draco's obsessions, Lucius' sanity issues, and what passes for normality among Malfoys.

A conglomeration of scenes, quotes and actions from the Harry Potter series scrunched together into short skits to prove for sure that no Harry Potter character should take part in intellectual combat with another. Slight exaggeration and warping of people, places, things, and nouns in general that have to do with HP may ensue.

Harry's got a wee beastie crawling around inside his chest. But what if it isn't metaphorical?

As the title says, Voldemort decides to team up with the infamous lab mice, Pinky and the Brain, to do away with Harry Potter, once and for all. Voldie still has his ugly red eyes. Pinky reveals his true identity. Hedwig is the hero. But what will happen to Harry?

PG for a stupid-humor rewrite of chapter 32 of GoF. Harry and Cedric run from Wormtail, who, in this version, is rather incompetent at "killing the spare."

The four future founders--Godric Gryffindor, his lady love, Rowena Ravenclaw, her friend, Helga Hufflepuff, and a secret admirer, Salazar Slytherin--are in their last year of schooling at The English Academy for the Magical Arts. The foursome gets restless and excited at the upcoming break in their studies, and plan a little trip; O.K., so maybe it's not THAT little....

Pansy has some news to tell Draco. He isn't very keen on paying attention.

Crabbe and Goyle often find themselves thinking deep thoughts about life, the universe and everything. And they'd like to share them with other people. But Draco doesn't let them.

Pity poor Peter Pettigrew! All he wants is to be liked and admired. But when Lucius Malfoy gives him an offer he can't refuse – what's a boy to do? Sing and dance, obviously. A parody of the new classic musical "The Producers" by Mel Brooks. Featuring a song by Mr Crabbe!

Snape hates Christmas. In this short ficlet, find just one of the reasons why.

On a completely normal day Harry Potter slips over something. It turns out this "something" is actually Voldemort's weapon of DOOM!``Harry, being the hero, has to make sure Voldie doesn't get his slimy hands on this very important weapon.``This, of course, isn't as easy as it might sound...

31st December: I think someone keeps looking at my diary. Has appeared on some website under 'fanfic' or some such. Prob. Malfoy thieving. Stupid cane-twirling ponce. Hopefully not Bellatrix... mmm... Bellatrix....

It's not so easy, you know, being a Dark Lord and intimidating people and all that. It's all about the act. It's a matter of practice. Assistant Director: Severus "I have to know my motivation" Snape. Beware of complete and utter nonsense.

"Merlin, Granger, I didn't taste that bad," came a spat from the conjoined bedroom. Hermione popped her head around the corner, pulling the purple, plastic toothbrush from her mouth.

Based on the short story, 'Belinda Buckle Fancies You' in David Lawrence's the 'Chocolate Teapot.' In which Harry writes a love letter, Pansy sulks, Neville falls from his chair and Snape hands out detentions. Set during HBP.

Ann has always had some strange theories. When one of them proves true, though, she finds herself with four teenage wizards landing in her shower. Her favorite four mischief makers have found their way from Hogwarts in the 1970s to America in 2004. Sure, it's great to get to know them, but how does she send them back?

A Post-Hogwarts fic that has Harry and Ron going on a adventure with a thousand drugs.

Severus never meant to get into the cult scene, really. All he wanted was a pretty pair of shoes. One shot.

Ron tries to find a way to escape the excessive heat and Pansy Parkinson. Not necessarily in that order.

We ain't no Death Eaters - We're misunderstood. A filk by the Slytherin Class opposite Harry to Gee, Officer Krupke from West Side story.

Let's face it: Harry Potter's life has never, ever been normal (not even when the Dursleys oh-so considerately tried to give him one), and it never will be. All of his problems stem from the``strange guy we all know affectionately as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But, will our dearest You-Know-Who ever find a new, unique way to make Harry's life a living hell? Hell yes!

Ron has developed a love for the bean. However, because of its side effects Hermione wants him to give up the bean.

It is Hermione’s 29th birthday, and her husband (a certain redhead whose name starts with the letter R), gives her what he thinks is the best birthday gift any woman could ask for - a broomstick. Is he right? Hermione doesn’t think so. But it isn’t all that it seems....

Who is this tall, dark, rugged man at Kings Cross station? No other than Harry Potter, and he’s sick and tired of been pushed around. Now, he’s out to show everyone that the term "bad boy" was invented for him. Hogwarts and Hermione will never know what hit them.

In our Trio's sixth year, the staff comes up with an interesting way to raise inter-house morale. That's right, a poker tournament! But things turn crazy when the butterbeer starts to flow. Featuring Snape in a red visor, McGonagall channeling Christina Aguilera, and Professor Sprout...in purple spandex?

In this sequel to A Geezer Wheezes, our steadfast biographer continues his research, learning more than he wanted to ever know about Harry Potter and his friends.

Sequel to Crookshanks and the Laser Pen. Harry recieves the laser pen, and when he is kidnapped by the Dark Lord he must rely on this tiny muggle toy to escape...

The tragic and sometimes horrifying tale of Nearly Headless Nick's accidental adventure through the Hogwarts castle during mating season. Please enjoy at your own risk.

Harry gets a flavor he's not expecting.

Daniel Jackson and Remus Lupin need to earn some money. They take an unlikely but obvious route; and we follow them through their lives thereafter.

The handsome, majestic, and... okay, I'll get to the point. I'm Crookshanks. As a cat-kneazle, I have a hobby of stealing things, biting things, and invoking chaos on all of witch and wizard kind.

It takes two devils and a pair of cursed shoes to teach Tonks how to impress Remus.

After a disastrous game against Hufflepuff, Harry goes to drown his sorrows in Hogsmeade. Unfortunately, he left his better judgement back in the showers, and end up making a mistake that will follow him around for as long as he tries to deny it. Having to come to terms with new discoveries about himself, Harry's in for a very difficult sixth year.

Harry has been sent to the head's office for bad behaviour and is waiting for Dumbledore to arrive when he spots the Pensieve lying on the desk.

Levon Vahanian is a very respectable Armenian warlock in search of foriegn customers for his souvenir shop. One day, a flamboyantly dressed English man walks in his shop and asks him about how he saved the town from werewolves...

Harry is sixteen, and his dating record is just plain sad. What is it that prevents his happiness? As it turns out, music.

Severus Snape is passed a note by his stalker, I mean Sybill Trelawney and of course Minerva McGonagall is loving it. (The ships included are only mentioned slightly).

First year Pansy Parkinson didn't know what to expect when she woke up in her Slytherin dorm for the first time. Follow the eventful first morning at Hogwarts of Pansy, Blaise, Millicent, and Draco as they get to know their roommates, learn where the hospital wing is, and forge lifelong friendships.

Hermione wakes up and gets the shock of her life... Draco Malfoy in bed beside her. At first she's confused... then she remembers being at the Three Broomsticks and a bet she'd made with Malfoy. But if this isn't bad enough, Ginny walks in on them and Hermione finds herself in a sticky situtation.

If you've read The Marauders: Year One, you know they were friends (or at least acquaintances) with the Gryffindor girls of their year. This is some of their stories.

Hermione has never been drunk before. It's an astonishingly embarrassing experience. (Slight AU.)