Sev's Diary

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Sev's Diary 93/94

This diary belongs to Severus Snape. This diary has been bewitched with an anti-stealing spell. If you read this, and are not Severus Snape, your underwear will turn carnivorous and eat your genitals.

You have been warned.

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Dear Diary,

Each year is just choca-block full of surprises isn't it? And guess what this fabulous new school year brings me? That's right. One of my childhood enemies. Whom I have to work alongside with. Lupin almost killed me, and now I have to put it aside? Forget our differences? I'm sorry, but the differences between a daunting God like me, who can strike terror into the very hearts of children with a glance and a werewolf are multitudinous.

Dumbledore is pushing his luck. He really is.

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Dear Diary,

No one ever asks how I feel about anything. No one stopped to think how I would feel helping my attempted murderer. I have to MAKE a potion, so one of my arch antagonists can teach here safely without eating any of the kiddies.

Well I'll be damned if I'm going to make it taste nice. And so help me God if my hand just. . .slips while coincidentally holding poison above the cauldron. . . no one would ever know. . .

Actually they probably would.

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Dear Diary,

My need for vengeance was partially satisfied today. I really got to Potter and Weasley by making them help Malfoy. I know just as well as the next that Malfoy is faking it. I don't particularly like the little brown noser either, but I hate Potter more. So it's all worth it. I know my favouritism really irks Potter. That's exactly why I do it.

In other news, pickled the foetus of a Norwegian monkbat. Looks ominously pale floating around in the green. Will place it on desk and arrange some back lighting to exploit it to its full alarming potential.

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Dear Diary,

My malevolence towards Lupin knows no bounds. He actually had the impertinence to make a complete laughing stock of me in front of all the 3rd year Gryffindors! And he's knows PERFECTLY well that I have the information to completely ruin his career. I can't be held responsible if it slips. If the story of MY humiliation is raging around the castle like the hormones of a teenage boy (I know what Potter and his two musketeers get up to. . .), then why shouldn't his?

I can't decide who I hate more - Potter or Lupin.

Longbottom, the complete imbecile, is pretty high up on the list as well. I've seen brighter people who have had refrigerators dropped on their heads. The boy is a walking hazard. And disgustingly Potter still hasn't been injured by any of the idiots mishaps yet. The boy is no good for anything.

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Dear Diary,

On seconds thoughts, merely getting fired and ostracised from society isn't enough. And death is too quick. Definitely need something more painful and drawn out.

I hear muggle children's programmes are a good torture weapon.

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Dear Diary,

Now why on earth would Potter be in Lupins' office? Just "showing him your Grindylow", I'm sure.

That has very bad connotations. I don't want to know.

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Dear Diary,

I am in completely foul mood.

Why must Dumbledore be so thick-headed? He just doesn't like making mistakes. Lupin is OBVIOUSLY helping Black get into the castle. I have told Dumbledore time and time again: Never Trust a WEREWOLF. He is being entirely contumacious. It is so enraging.

Am I really the only person in this castle who isn't a complete and utter cretin?

The answer is yes.

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Dear Diary, Was my birthday today.

Hurrah.

Got a card and a bottle of shampoo from mother. I don't know what she's implying, but I don't like it.

Better present would have been Potters head on a stake. Or a plate. I'm not choosey. Just as long as it had parted company with his scrawny little good- for-nothing body, I might have had cause to celebrate today.

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Dear Diary,

Am in comparatively good mood today. Not only did I take fifteen points off Potter, made Granger cry and gave Weasley detention, I also set a lovely homework assignment on Werewolves for the enchanting Gryffindors. If their heads aren't as completely barren as I suspect, one of them might make the connections. I wont hold my breath, but wouldn't it be delightful to see their stunned and dismayed shocked faces. I should get that annoying little Creevy to take photos of the momentous occasion. The little Potter-phile.

Also got revenge on Lupin by pickling his Grindylow. Haha.

In other news, I have been working more on my guide to life - is developing into quite a best-seller I think. In a few years time I expect it will be a must have on the bookshelves of every wizarding house.

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Dear Diary,

Have never had such a good day in a long time. Could have been better of course. Such a pity Dumbledore is so set on keeping Potter alive. Nevertheless, his beloved broomstick was shattered I hope Lupin feels bad about that - it's his fault the Whomping Willow is there in the first place. And his that the Dementors are here - if he wasn't helping that criminal to elude capture, they would be back at Azkaban with a rather vacant looking Black. Yes, it's all Lupins fault. Will have to mention that next time I see him.

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Dear Diary,

I still detest Potter, the conceited malefactor. Will get him one day.

Highlight of the day - had staring competition with a first year today. Won of course. Little maggot wet his pants. Hope I have scarred him for life.

Sometimes I really love my job.

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Dear Diary,

It is so blatantly obvious that Lupin is helping Black into the castle. Werewolves are not to be trusted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not concerned for Potters welfare, I just always envisioned ME as the one who would finally give him his comeuppance. Nothing bloody. . . just a nice potion to bewitch his mind, and ensnare his senses. Maybe eat him alive from the inside.

Yes. That could work.

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Dear Diary,

That little brat. Everyone is going out of their way to make sure Potter stays safe, but nooo. Potter is far too much of a celebrity to let that stop him getting his own way. If Potter wants to go to Hogsmede, Potter goes. Why does everyone turn a blind eye to the boy's insubordination? He is exactly like his father - disobedient. Pretentious. Nothing more than an inflated ego and a pair of legs.

And that Werewolf. I swear he had something to do with the whole affair.

And why does everyone keeping making cracks about the hair. I happen to LIKE the sleek and subtle shine it has. It does NOT need washing. What about that Granger freak? She looks like an electrocuted chipmunk with hair extensions, and yet everyone picks on me.

Hmmm. I wonder how well electrocuted chipmunk would pickle?

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Dear Diary,

Sibyll kindly informed me today that I have great trial and suffering ahead of me. She's a bit off - Black wont get a trial, and Potter will hopefully do more than suffer.

I must admit that despite her rather. . . eccentrically effulgent dress style (no wonder the lights are so dim in her office - in full daylight she would burn the eyes out of a blind person), the old dingbat does win my approval by informing Potter at every move that death is just around the corner. Such a pity she's a complete nutcase, because that I'm still waiting.

Had a wee chat with Professor Sprout. Apparently my superior intimidation skills has given several of the Hufflepuff students recurring nightmares. Go me!!

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Dear Diary,

I can't believe Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup.

Bloody Potter. My abhorrence towards him knows no bounds.

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Dear Diary,

Felt slightly less spiteful with Potter today as he managed to fail his potions exam without any help from me. Well, I suppose less spiteful isn't the right word, but he did save me time having to think of a reason to fail him, as his potion was so spectacularly bungled, will have no problem with finding several very legitimate reasons. Longbottom, naturally, has procured an abysmal mark of course. I am still waiting for the day they kick him out of the school for being such a inane, half-witted fool.

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Dear Diary,

I have never been in a more loathsome mood. A torturous potion isn't good enough for Potter. Perhaps will make him watch as I feed it to his blasted friends first.

Not ONLY did Potter and his two little delinquent friends curse me, they also befriended that murderer Black, and, with the help of that ruddy werewolf, Black escaped.

It is unquestionably Potters fault. I don't know how he did it, but he helped my most despised foe to escape the dementors kiss, and I will never forgive him. I don't know who I hate more - Potter, Lupin or Black.

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Dear Diary,

I think I hate Potter the most.

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Dear Diary,

Accidentally let Lupins scandalous little secret slip at the breakfast table. Oops. My bad.

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Dear Diary,

Yes. Definitely Potter.