The Voice Across The Moors

CHAPTER THREE

As Good As You

She was my flame, my galaxy

I was her fool's delight

Put me in her spell and

Turned my rage to trust

In just one night

With appetites for pleasure

We would search for buried treasure

"As Good As You" ~ Jane Eyre, The Musical

"Miss Bones!" The dulcet tones of the housekeeper rang sweetly outside her door. "It's time to come down to the dining hall for dinner! I'd have rung the bell only I didn't know if you would understand what that meant and in any case I didn't show you where the dining room was. And I was going to send Robert up but that wouldn't do either because he's completely shy around strangers - not that you're a stranger, dear." She knocked on the door. "Are you ready for dinner?"

Susan opened the door and beamed at the flushed housekeeper, feeling especially pretty in her new brocade dress from London. "Radiant."

"I wouldn't go that far," Mrs. Fairfax sniffed. "You're a governess, not a shining star in the sky. Hurry along, child!"

"I'm hardly a child," Susan protested as she was hurried along the corridor. She tripped on the edge of the carpet rug, flailing her arms about wildly to stay upright. "I'm nearly thirty seven!"

"Really?" Mrs. Fairfax threw her a surprised look as they hurried along the landing. "Must be because you're so skinny. I didn't think you a day over twenty two."

Susan felt pleased. Mrs. Fairfax caught her blush. "That wasn't a compliment," she admonished her. "Now mind the stairs, dear." She rushed down them, her skirts billowing and stepped lightly across the hallway. "Now mind you take the back entrance to the dining hall next time," Mrs. Fairfax told Susan, stopping suddenly and gesturing toward the west of the manor. "I'll show you after your dinner. You're not a guest, you're a servant."

"I know," Susan replied, a little perturbed by Mrs. Fairfax's assumptions of her.

"I know you know," Mrs. Fairfax said. "I'm sorry, I'm just very excited. Mr. Smith hasn't been home on near a month and him with no wife to look after him!" She tsked loudly and headed into a sitting room to the right. "Through here, through here." She passed a grand piano. "Do you play the piano?" she asked, interested. "Adele does. She takes lessons twice a week."

"I do." Susan nodded, trying to keep up with her.

"Lovely!" Mrs. Fairfax approved. "Ah, here we go. Mind you don't scratch the doors, dear." Susan glanced at the doors as she passed through. There was at least a two metre gap when they were open. She rolled her eyes discreetly. "Adele!" Mrs. Fairfax kissed the top of the child's head happily. "How are you, darling?"

"Trés bien," the child replied. She was already seated at the table. "Bonjour, Miss Bones."

"Bonjour, Adele," Susan replied warmly. "Where should I sit, Mrs. Fairfax?"

"At the place I've set for you, where else?" the housekeeper replied, indicating a place to the right of the head of the table, opposite Adele's place. "Sit, sit, the master will be here soon."

Susan sat down gingerly, feeling very out of place among the ornate decorations and formal place settings. Adele smiled happily across the table at her.

"Are you looking forward to dinner?" Adele asked her.

"Yes," Susan replied. "Yes, I am. I'm rather hungry."

"Are you really?" Adele responded inquisitively.

"Yes..." Susan said, wondering whether she'd said the wrong thing. "Aren't you?"

Adele shrugged. "I had a fruit platter in my sitting room today, so no, not really."

A lady of leisure, Susan found herself thinking. "Lovely," she smiled.

Adele returned the grin. "Did I hear Mrs. Fairfax ask if you played the piano?"

"You did," Susan affirmed. "I do."

"That's very good news," Adele said. "I should like some help with my studies. Mr. Smith plays the piano too but he isn't often here to advise me."

"What level have you mastered?" Susan asked.

"I'm preparing for my fifth grade examinations next June," Adele replied.

"Oh," Susan said, surprised. "But how old are you, Adele?"

"Eleven," the child replied. "How old are you, Miss Bones?"

"Thirty six," Susan replied.

"So you're twenty five years older than me," Adele mused. "Adequately qualified to teach me."

"I taught at a young girls' school," Susan said, feeling uncomfortable. It struck her that she did not know if this household had any magical folk in it and it made her uneasy. She couldn't quite believe how it had slipped her mind. Would her superiors have sent her to a non-magical establishment without first advising her of it? She shifted on her seat, smiling thinly.

"A young girls' school?" Adele's eyes gleamed with interest. Susan's stomach fluttered in fear. "One I would know?"

"I'm not sure," Susan hedged, avoiding Adele's keen gaze. "How well do you know south England?"

"Quite well," Adele responded, smiling sweetly. "I've taken five years of geography lessons with Mr. Finnigan."

"Finnigan!" Susan seized on the familiar name. "Seamus Finnigan?"

"I believe so." Adele's look was measured. "Do you know him?"

Susan felt relieved beyond measure. Surely this meant that Mr. Smith, whoever he was, would be magical too. "Yes. Yes, I knew him. We went to school together."

"At Hogwarts?" Adele inquired.

Susan's heart stopped momentarily and she shot Adele a shocked look. "Yes," she said cautiously. "At Hogwarts."

"How interesting," Adele remarked. "I hadn't realised."

A bell chimed in the next room. Mrs. Fairfax put her head around the double doors. "Stand up!" she hissed. "Adele, you must instruct her!" She disappeared.

Susan flushed. Mrs. Fairfax was quickly becoming unbearable. Adele smiled. "Mr. Smith approaches us; we must stand to acknowledge his position."

"Oh," Susan said, startled. She pushed back her chair and shot to her feet, wondering why on earth they needed to pay him such respect. Did he demand it or was it at Mrs. Fairfax's insistence?

Adele smiled again. "It's only to humour Mrs. Fairfax," she said quietly. "Mr. Smith doesn't really care for pomp and circumstance."

Susan breathed out in relief.

"Mister Zacharias Smith!"

Robert appeared in the double doors, announcing Mr. Smith. He stepped aside and a tall man around Susan's own age appeared behind him. He was dressed simply in a dinner suit, his dark hair combed neatly. Susan lowered her gaze as Adele was doing.

"Thank you, Robert." Mr. Smith entered the room. "Ladies."

Susan watched Adele from under her lashes. Adele raised her head graciously. Susan copied her.

"Sir," Adele said, curtsying. She glanced toward Susan.

Susan had a moment of horror. Was she supposed to curtsy too? She shot a frantic look at Adele.

"You must be the new governess," Mr. Smith said, striding forward to meet her. "Forgive my lateness please." He took her hand and pressed his lips to it, smiling at her. "My name is Zacharias Smith."

There was something vaguely familiar about the man's face. Something that spoke of youth and laughter to Susan. She couldn't place it. Memories of her childhood evaded her in recent years as she had shrouded her life in sadness. She smiled at Mr. Smith. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Mr. Smith."

"Oh, please," he said with a laugh, dropping her hand. He moved around her and took his place at the table, indicating that they should sit too. "Call me Zacharias."

There was a discreet cough from the door. Mrs. Fairfax was standing there. "Ah," Zacharias said, his lips twitching. Was he fighting to restrain a smile? Susan glanced at Mrs. Fairfax, who was looking very disapprovingly at her. "Soup, Mrs. Fairfax?"

"Yes, sir," Mrs. Fairfax replied, tight-lipped. "I have it here. It's pumpkin." She wheeled in a silver trolley adorned with a silver tureen.

"Not that rubbish again," Zacharias said cheerfully. Mrs. Fairfax shot him a horrified look. "I'm joking, that's my favourite!" he said, exasperated. Susan hid a smile as Mrs. Fairfax sniffed haughtily and began ladling the soup.

"How have you been, Adele?" Zacharias asked the child warmly.

Adele smiled beguilingly at him. "Very well, sir, thank you."

"I'm very glad to hear it," he told her. "I've missed you on my travels."

"Have you, sir?" Adele seemed pleased. "How was your trip?"

"Good, good!" he exclaimed, picking up his spoon as Mrs. Fairfax wheeled her trolley out of the room again. "And you, Miss..." he turned his gaze on Susan. "Do you know," he said thoughtfully, "I do believe I've forgotten to ask your name."

Susan smiled. "Susan, sir."

"Just Susan?" He seemed amused.

"It's Miss Bones," Adele piped up.

"You don't say!" he exclaimed. Susan's eyes widened in alarm at his excitement. Did he know her? Did that mean she should know him? Heavens above, was she going to insult him by not remembering him? And on her first night, too! "Susan Bones! Really? Gosh, Susan Bones!"

"Yes," Susan said nervously. "Have we met before?"

"Have we met before!" he hooted. "Dear Miss Bones, I went to school with you!"

Confused, Susan stared at him. Had she gone to school with this distinguished gentleman? She racked her brains furiously. Zacharias Smith. Zacharias Smith. Who-

"Oh!" Susan suddenly exclaimed. "Big Mouth!" She clapped her hands over her mouth, horrified beyond reason. "I'm sorry, sir, that was very rude of me."

He laughed harder. "Big Mouth!" he exclaimed. "I'd completely forgotten that was what they called me. Yes, indeed, and all because I had the gall to question The Boy Who Lived in DA meetings!" He grinned at her. "Miss Bones, you've restored my youth to me. This is bringing back so many memories I can scarce believe it."

"Myself either," Susan said. Noticing Adele's movements, she picked up her spoon and took a mouthful of the warm soup. "I didn't recognise you at all, sir."

"As well you shouldn't!" he said gaily, eating his own soup. "Eat up, Adele, or it'll get cold. No, indeed, Miss Bones, for I have changed beyond recognition, I think!"

"You have, you really have," Susan said, giving him a small smile, hoping it wasn't out of place to make such a comment. Why had no one warned her she'd need to use all the etiquette skills she had? She could have read up on it during the trip.

"We must go for a walk in the grounds after dinner," Zacharias declared. Susan glanced at him, surprised. Wasn't that out of line? Would Mrs. Fairfax murder her for agreeing to accompany him for a walk? She sighed inwardly and wondered mildly if it was worth the bother.

"Now, don't look so sulky, Adele; I'm going to spend the whole of tomorrow with you. You need to practise the piano before bed tonight, anyway. Mrs. Fairfax tells me that you didn't practise this morning and your tutor will be here tomorrow!" Zacharias smiled wryly at the child.

"Sorry, sir," Adele mumbled through her mouthful of pumpkin soup.

"Cheeky brat," Zacharias ribbed her. He returned his attention to Susan. "Won't we promenade through the garden, Miss Bones?" He smiled.

"Indeed we will, sir," Susan replied, returning his smile. There was something just so likeable about this man. She hadn't been able to stand him at Hogwarts. He'd been arrogant, presumptuous, rude, demanding, sarcastic and crass. Really, he'd been a spoilt young man and he'd turned out the worse for it. But now - he was like a completely different person. The walk will be interesting if nothing else, Susan mused thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking, Miss Bones?" Both Zacharias and Adele were looking at her.

Susan flushed. "Nothing, sir."

"I doubt that very much," Zacharias said, seemingly much amused. He had finished his soup. Mrs. Fairfax was in the process of retrieving his bowl from his place. Susan glanced down at her own bowl and found it almost empty. Mrs. Fairfax took all the bowls from the room, fussing all the way.

"I'd like to tell you that she's not normally like this," Zacharias whispered. "But then I would be lying to you, Miss Bones, and I don't want to do that."

Susan smiled, feeling an unfamiliar prickling in her veins. Her ears were burning warmly. She hoped she was not blushing. A fine thing for her to do, to develop a fondness for the boss on her first evening! Whatever would Mrs. Fairfax say if she knew? She'd probably banish Susan and insist on a new governess! No, that would never do. Susan decided there and then to make a conscious effort to quell her feelings.

"Your cheeks are scarlet, Miss Bones; are you too hot?" Adele was querying her.

Susan shook her head at the child. "I'm fine."

"You are a little pink," Zacharias said, surveying her. Susan flushed a deeper shade of crimson. "The temperature must've just risen a few degrees," he noted, smiling. Confound the traitorous blood cells. Susan resigned herself to the fact that she would resemble a cherry tomato for the entire time she spent there.

~ * ~ * ~

"Tell me of your life, Miss Bones." Zacharias' eyes gleamed as he contemplated the woman standing beside him. They stood admiring the fountain in the courtyard of the estate. Susan was entranced by it; a masterpiece of artwork, a Greek god standing quite naked with the water spiralling in patterns around him. She was very conscious of the man standing close next to her, observing the small fish swimming around in the fountain's pool.

"Is that real marble?" Susan asked instead.

Zacharias laughed. "Yes, it is."

"Gracious," she said, alarmed. She backed away from it, taking tiny steps. She could just imagine the look on Mrs. Fairfax's face if she somehow managed to break it.

"You won't break it!" he said, amused.

"I wouldn't like to take my chances," she replied, eyeing it warily. She smiled warmly at him.

He only laughed again. "Do tell me, Miss Bones, what you've been doing since Hogwarts."

"Oh, plenty of things," Susan said thoughtfully, pushing away some of the memories that were flying toward her. "I left nearly twenty years ago... as did you, sir."

"True, true," he said amiably. "I did indeed. Quite awhile ago now. It doesn't seem that long." His eyes were twinkling in the moonlight. Susan's heart fluttered briefly as she locked gazes with him. Glory, Susan thought in exasperation. Think of Mrs. Fairfax!

"No, it doesn't," Susan agreed. Thinking of Hannah, she sobered. "Though it seems like an eternity at the same time."

"Indeed," Zacharias said thoughtfully. "Perhaps it does. Were you never married, Miss Bones?"

Susan shifted her weight, her heart pounding faster. "No, sir," she replied. "I was not."

"Why ever not?" At Susan's agonised look, he hastened to explain his motive. "One of such breeding as yourself, Susan; a pure blooded witch, at that; intelligent to boot and rather handy with a wand, as I do recall... Why, you'd have been a match for any wizard worth his salt."

"Perhaps, sir," she replied.

"Perhaps!" He echoed her, smiling. "You've an innocent way of looking at things." He held her gaze for a moment before turning to look at the steady stream of water cascading into the fountain.

"Have I, sir?" Susan asked hopefully, willing him to look at her again.

"Well, perhaps not innocent," he conceded, still watching the water. "But demure. Accepting."

"I do not agree, sir," Susan said, glancing away from him. She felt strangely insulted that he should think her demure. Her thoughts were anything but!

"Why?" he pressed, finally turning to capture her gaze again. "You do not accept things as they are?"

"Hardly," she responded, looking away shyly. "I tend to fight them, if anything."

"What have you fought?" he asked.

Susan shook her head, almost imperceptibly. "Nothing."

He raised an eyebrow but did not pursue the answer. "You must tell me more of yourself," he said instead. "I know next to nothing of you and it's driving me mad!" He smiled. Susan's heart fluttered again. "How are our mutual friends, Miss Bones?"

"Who were our mutual friends?" she asked.

"Oh, everyone in Hufflepuff!" he said, surprised. "Terry Boot, Ernie Macmillan, Hannah Abbott- you were friends with them, were you not?"

"I was," Susan affirmed.

"Was?" he queried. "No longer?"

"I have not seen Ernie in a very long time," she said reluctantly. "And Terry I see only once a year when I journey home at Christmas time."

"I see," he said. "And Hannah?"

Susan flinched. "She's no longer with us," she said shortly.

"Oh, dear!" Zacharias seemed distressed. "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, Miss Bones." He paused. "Do you mind if I call you Susan?"

"I do not, sir," Susan said quietly.

"Good." He sighed suddenly. "I'm sorry to have broached such a sad subject with you," he said. "Would you rather we discussed my life, or Adele, or the manor...?"

"I do not mind, sir."

"Do call me Zacharias," he implored her.

Susan gave him a level look. "I fear the wrath of Mrs. Fairfax," she said wryly.

He laughed. "Indeed, she is a stickler for knowing one's place." His eyes danced. "Have you any ties outside of your home and Thornfield, Susan?"

"Ties?" Susan hesitated. "No, sir."

"No illegitimate child tucked away in boarding school?" At the shake of her head, he continued. "No secret love pining away in the mountains?"

"No, sir!" The very thought.

"In the city then?"

Susan looked at him, shocked. He grinned boyishly. "Sir," Susan said sternly. "I'm not sure this is appropriate."

"What discussion of love is good?" he asked her instead. "You're so good, Susan," he complained.

"I most certainly am not," Susan replied indignantly.

"You are," he assured her. "Compared to me, you are!"

"Rubbish," Susan said shortly. "Sir," she added hastily.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, love," he sighed. "Love is like a virus we're infected with. We're so naïve. Wouldn't it be wonderful if life were just as you perceive?"

"Perhaps." Susan inclined her head, studying him.

"Women are inhuman, worthless, coarse and savage. On the average, never to be trusted, completely maladjusted," Zacharias stated. Susan gave him a terrifying look. "It's true!" he continued wickedly. "But if I'd not loved a few," he conceded, "I might have been as good as you."

Susan was silent, absorbing this.

"She was my flame, my galaxy. I was her fool's delight," Zacharias said thoughtfully. "Put me in her spell and turned my rage to trust in just one night. With appetites for pleasure, we would search for buried treasure..." He smiled at Susan, taking her by the elbow and leading her away from the fountain under the hedge arches into a rose garden. "In the excess of temptation, I thought it my salvation, it's true... But if I had thought things through, I might have been as good as you."

Susan raised her eyebrow. As good as her, indeed. She was no shining example and surely he realised that.

"She found me handsome, my opera dancer," Zacharias mused. Susan could imagine it to be true. He was no great beauty but then neither was she. "And like a fool, I believed it was true. I held the world inside my hands, a man full in his pride." He smiled wistfully. "When she left me for another, pierced my heart a second time..." He sighed. "'Nothing lasts forever', she said. 'Find the door yourself, dear. Won't you think me still your flower? I've treasured every hour, it's true. But if I had loved you too, I might have been as good as you.'" He paused. Susan could only stare at him.

"I came upon her some time later. The years had not been very kind. She had this child, Adele, said she was mine as well. 'Nothing lasts forever, Zach. Take good care and won't you take our lovely daughter, for you see, dear, I don't want her. But I'm still your flower, I'll just bloom elsewhere. Tell her my soul is in heaven with God.'" He sighed again. "Miss Bones, I tell you this because I want you to know that I, with some luck, without shame, without blame, or the curse of my name might have been as good as you."

"I believe you are a thousand times better, sir," Susan assured him.

"We'll see," he responded. "We'll see." He glanced around, shivering suddenly. "The night is cold and I did not realise we were both so inappropriately dressed." He glanced toward the manor. Mrs. Fairfax could clearly be seen in one of the upper windows. "Dear Mrs. Fairfax!" He laughed. "Best go inside, Susan."

"Yes, sir." Susan followed him through the gardens, her mind awhirl with thought. So Adele's mother was still alive after all! She wondered if the poor child knew. It was a shame. But even as much pity as she felt for Adele, she could not help feeling a warm contentment that he had imparted all this to her.