What Eyes Can See

Chapter 9 - End of All Things

Every night you wrote another line

With a bloody, broken bottle

And every day you'd wish it away

Why don't you pull the pin on that grenade

I wanted to believe

Body swinging from a tree

Struggling to stand with your head in your hands

A stoic last stand of a dying man

I wanted to believe as I watched your world crumble in your hands

I wanted to believe as you raised your glass to your last stand

I wanted to believe you would win

The war in your head

That I did not understand

I did not understand

Every night the questions poured out

Of your wounded eyes, damn, dark things

Every day you used to pray

Listen to the black raven sing

You wanted to believe

As you were falling to your knees

Struggling to stand with your life in your hand

The sad last stand of a broken man

I wanted to believe as I watched your world crumble in your hands

I wanted to believe as you raised a glass to your last stand

I wanted to believe you would win

The war in your head

That I did not understand

I did not understand

And the questions poured out

Did not understand

The sound of you falling

Was the trembling heart of a dying man

The sound of a trembling heart

...In conclusion, the strengthening reagents added to a potion can never actually be stronger than the potion they are added into. Though this may seem contradictory, the reasoning behind Walter's theory is sound.

Ron set down his quill and blew gently on the paper. A few more minutes and the ink would be dry.

He looked carefully over his shoulder at Harry's motionless form. Good. Still asleep. If he woke and found me up again... Ron had been staying up all night lately. What was the point in sleeping anyway? During the day he could goof around with everyone, at night he'd study and do his homework, and in the morning he'd drink some Pepper-Up Potion. His grades had never been better. Everything was fine. Perfectly fine. Peachy. Faultless. Flawless. Excellent. Superb. Magnificent. Glorious. Fan-fucking-tastic, if you preferred your life to be a living hell.

And it had been, ever since his latest vision. The last vision he'd ever have, if Ron had his way. Burning his leg had driven everything out of his head for two days. Two days of perfect lucid moments. No dreaminess, no nightmares, no nothing. But once the pain was gone the Seeing came back.

In conclusion, Ron mocked, I must be in pain for the rest of my life or See people die night after night. This isn't contradictory, since it's a lose-lose situation, therefore my reasoning is sound.

It had been three weeks, one day, and seven hours since he'd had a vision. Did that seem obsessive? He could tell you the hours and minutes too if you wanted, though the seconds would be a bit on the dicey side...

Sometimes Ron worried he was going crazy. One of the few yet very common side effects of being a Seer. Experimentally, Ron looked down at his parchment paper. Writing a Potions essay at four in the morning was definitely pushing at the borders of crazy.

Well, as long as I'm vacationing and not applying for change of nationality papers. Still British and firmly in the land of the sane, thanks. And tonight's another full moon. Not thinking about that at all.

///

Oh. Oh fuck. There...

///

There it was again. That feeling. The dreaminess... the drifting...

A boy...

No! No, goddamn it, no! I haven't gotten this far and gone this long to fall now!

Stumbling over the trunk at the foot of his bed, he grasped around frantically for his wand. Where is it? Fuck, where is it? Furious, he slammed his fist into the headboard. God, that's better. Little more clear now... But Harry was stirring. The slam of the headboard had woken him up. Fuck. If he got up and saw Ron there was no way in hell he'd be able to use a spell on himself.

Ron hurried into the bathroom, his breath coming in short rasping breaths like a child with colic. His face was flushed, his eyes glazed. It was starting. Hands shaking, he looked for something. Something to help.

Seamus's razor.

Perfect.

Without a moment's hesitation Ron picked it up and cut one of his wrists.

Don't be stupid; he wasn't suicidal. The cut wasn't deep at all. About an inch long at the very most, and not even cut with the veins. He'd sooner die playing hopscotch than bleed to death over that.

But things were still drifting... turning...

So he cut his other wrist.

And then he cut it again. And once more... and then once more for good measure...

Better. Much better. Keeping the demons - a.k.a. my visions- at bay. Bleeding them dry. Bleed bleed bleed. Isn't it funny? My blood... my blood looks sooooo different than the other's. Their blood seemed so real. And this doesn't. Doesn't seem real. Maybe it's not. Not real. Maybe I've gone round the bend. Hmm. Troubling. Verrrrrry troubling. Very. Weird word. Verrrrry. Veeeeerrrry. Veryvery. Verra. Verra verra weird word. Haha. Oops, laughing over words. You've definitely lost it Ron old boy.

Things are looking a little funny. A lot funny. Whoa, time to sit down. Things were spinning. It's much safer here on the floor. Safer and saner. Was getting lotsa white spots. Don't like to look at the white spots. Look like the moon. Used to like the moon. Then I loved it. Now I hate it. Hate it almost as much as Seeing. Stupid moon. Gave me Remus and took him away in one swell foop. Fell swoop. Idiot. You sound like your drunk. Must be 'cause you're so tired. Really tired. That Pepper-Up isn't working like it used to. Wouldn't hurt to get some sleep. 'Cause I'm tired. And it's a little cold in here. Curl up on the floor, yeah, that's the idea. Kind wet down here. But the wetness is warm. Did I spill water from the sink? Hmmm. I'll check later. Once I wake up.

~~~~~~~

The wolf was tired.

Tired of being alone. Tired of being cold. Tired of being tired. It had its mate now, shouldn't things be different?

The wolf shifted uneasily. Things didn't feel right. It scratched its paws together. They itched, ached. And something... something smelled wrong.

Nervous. The wolf was nervous now, and the wolf didn't like being nervous. Unsettled, it walked up towards the door and put it's nose to the crack between the door and the rug. It could hear footsteps. Most of the humans were asleep. But not all. Some of the people were stirring within the castle. They were scared, very scared. One was angry. He could smell salt; a few were crying. One was bleeding heavily. His uneasiness deepened. There was the man with the white-gray beard and the woman with the strong face talking with another woman, while the boy with the leaf-green eyes wept (the salt) and his mate. But his mate was the one bleeding. Bleeding his life onto the floor.

A cry of rage and sheer helplessness tore from the wolf's throat.

~~~~~~~

Dawn was a mere half-hour after Ron's trip to the Infirmary. Remus had rushed out of the room, forgoing fixing himself and the room of the damage the wolf had wreaked.

Oh God. Ron... Ron was bleeding. A lot. But... he'll be fine. He is fine. I mean... my wrists feel funny. Did he break his wrists? Something... It doesn't matter. He's still alive. I know. I can feel it. And he'll be fine. I can feel that too.

"Harry? What's going on?"

Harry's face was dead white. "Professor! Remus! It's Ron... Ron's hurt..."

"I know," Remus broke in impatiently. If Harry looks so gloomy, it can't... it can't be good. "What's wrong with him?"

"Ron... well, he tried... it looks like he tried to kill himself. Slit his wrists. I found him... lying in a pool of blood in the boys bathroom."

No. No no no. That was not what Remus had just heard. Ron had hurt himself playing Quidditch, Draco Malfoy had attacked Ron, Ron had been injured in a prank gone wrong, Voldemort had attacked Ron for heaven's sake... Ron had not cut his wrists. Ron had not committed suicide. Ron didn't want to die. Did he?

"...but I know," Harry babbled on. "I know he wouldn't kill himself. He just wouldn't! He wasn't feeling his best, I know, he was kind of depressed, but suicide? He wouldn't!"

"Oh my God... This is all my fault..." Remus's knees buckled under him. He'd killed him, as surely as if he'd cut Ron himself. If he hadn't Claimed him, if none of this had happened...

"Oh, God no Remus! It's not you, it's not because of the bond!" Harry cried frantically. "It's... it's because... Ron... can See. Really See things." He hung his head. "I knew he was freaked about it, but he didn't want anyone to know. And I honestly thought he was getting it under control. He said he was coping... and I just took his word for it. I should have paid more attention to him. And now... now..."

Remus blood ran cold. "He can See? Doesn't he know how dangerous it is not to tell anyone? He could have hurt himself in a trance!" Calm down Remus, you won't help Ron by becoming hysterical. "How long has he been seeing?"

"He started zoning out a long time ago, but he's been seeing flashes of things since mid-September," Harry said meekly.

That long? How could I not have noticed? How could no one have noticed? He gritted his teeth. Maybe if we had a Divination teacher who had a single brain cell in her head she might have realized that someone in her class actually had the Sight! Her and all her Inner Eye bullshit...

"Professor Lupin...?"

"I'm fine Harry. Very angry, very concerned, but fine." There was so much blood. But Poppy's the best. The best. He'll be fine. He rubbed his collarbone. The damn thing never stopped aching anymore. I need to see him. "Go back to the common room. I'll tell Dumbledore everything you told me."

Harry nodded jerkily and turned around quickly.

"And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not your fault. If anyone's, it's mine."

"Remus..." Should I tell him?

"Back to the common room." I don't want your pity Harry.

"Yes Professor."

"Tell Ginny not to worry, and not to owl her mother if she hasn't all ready. He'll be fine."

But was Remus reassuring Harry . . . or himself?

What happens when your whole world crumbles around you? Out of all the people in the world, all the thousands of people I've met... Ron means something to me that no one else ever has. That no one has even come close to. There's a reason for that. The wolf... that the wolf wanted him was dumb luck. I love him. I do. Remus. Remus does, not just the wolf. Ron is everything to me. Everything.

~~~~~~~

"I need to see him." Is that my voice?

Even Poppy flinched. "Remus, he's been through something very traumatic. We don't even know why he tried to... to..." She couldn't say it. Probably because she hadn't seen it coming. She felt she had failed. "To commit suicide! It..."

"He was Seeing." Let's just cut to the chase. I want to see Ron.

"Seeing what?"

"Seeing. Actually Seeing."

She gasped. "Seeing? A real Seer? That... that would explain the invulnerability to the pain... the reason he cut himself in the first place... the severe headache last month... the poor dear!" She shook her head sadly. "True Seers, well, there's reasons they do the things they do. I wonder what he saw?" Clucking her tongue she began to trot down the hall. "Poor mite."

"Poppy?" Did you forget something? "I still need to see Ron."

He'd never know why she let him in. Because of his voice maybe, which was crystal clear and sharp as glass. Because he of the way he said Ron's name, which spoke of things he could not talk about. Maybe because she knew more than she let on; she nearly always did. But she did let him go in, and he didn't push.

"Ron?"

He looked so fragile. Like a porcelain doll, far too pale and still. The ache in Remus's arm was gone. He guessed this meant Ron wasn't in pain any longer.

"Ron, why didn't you tell me?"

You know why he didn't tell you. He hates you. You hurt him. You dragged him into the Claiming. We've been down this road before. It's called 'Your fault' and it's why he didn't tell. Why should he trust you? All those names people called you, all the slurs and insults they've tossed in your face... Monster. It's true. You've been in denial. You are a monster.

"Ron. I think maybe I know... why you did the things you did. I used to do it too, at first. When the wolf got too strong, or his voice got too loud... I used to cut myself. Then I could concentrate on that and not worry about the wolf for a while." He stepped closer to the bed. Ron looked like he was barely breathing. "The wolf scared me because I knew what it was capable of, and that it was always there, ready to break out and killmaimdestroy. It terrified me. Are your visions... like that? Do you see horrible things?" Remus reached out to take Ron's hand. Can you even hear me? "But you can't stop it. You can't run away from it. You can't run away from yourself. And it is a part of you. You just have to accept that." Unseen, a tear trailed down Remus's face. "Accept this Ron! You don't, you'll die. As simple as that." As difficult as that. "This goes beyond the Claiming, beyond everything. And I couldn't stand it if you died. You'd take me with you. As simple as that." And it really is. "I love you so much Ron. I wish... you'd let me tell you that." Preferably when you're conscious.

It wasn't all that humorous, but Remus felt he needed to smile for something.

~~~~~~~

Not a vision. Not a dream. Where...?

"Do you remember what happened?"

Ron spun around. That voice... "Remus?"

"Not exactly." The dream figure smiled.

What do you mean by not exactly?

"Why am I here?" Here being a forest of strange-looking trees and shadows...

"Where do you think you should be?"

"That's not what I asked."

"What made you think I would answer?"

"Could you make any less sense?"

"If you ask the right questions you receive the answers you wish."

"Ooooook..." Then- "I'm not dead, am I?"

"No. Not yet."

"So I'm dying?" Great way to find out...

"Only if you want to."

Ron opened his mouth to protest, then shut it more slowly. Did he want to die?

"And if I die... Is there a heaven? Or what? I mean..."

"Some things are not for you to know until you know them," dream-Remus said mildly. "Is this not true?"

"Yes. I suppose it is."

Dream-Remus laughed quietly. "You know what you must do, Ronald Weasley. You must choose which world you wish to go to. The land of the living or the land of the dead. The ones who See or the ones who See no more. You look to me for answers; I have none. The choice is yours and yours alone."

"If I go back, I'll still See." It was a statement, not a question, but dream-Remus answered anyway.

"Yes. There is no running from who you are."

"I hate Seeing."

"Why? You could do so much with it. You could save those you See die. If you develop your gift enough, you could look into the future at will. You could stop Voldemort, stop tragedy, stop needless pain and suffering."

"I..."

Dream-Remus smiled. "Of course you must be equally sure to remember that no man can do everything. It is a double-edged sword, and you have tasted of only one side. Everything in life is a give and take, a bargain. Do you have no one to live for? Think you that I wear this face by accident?"

"Remus..."

"You love him, do you not? And still you say you have nothing to live for. Don't be a fool. Make your choice. Now."

"I want to live."

~~~~~~~

Things are coming into focus again. It's so fucking bright though. And who the hell's walking by in the hallway? They sound like a goddamn elephant. Don't they know there's sick people in here? God. Ron sighed appreciatively. Isn't life wonderful?

"Ron?"

Ron turned over, a wide grin on his face. "Hey."

"Are you... all right?"

"Yes. I am now."

"Did you... mean to kill yourself?" The question was asked hesitantly, like he didn't want to know the answer.

"No. I meant to cut myself, yeah, I admit it. But not as much as I did. Not like I did. I didn't - I don't want to die."

"Good. Really, really good."

"Umm... not to sound ungrateful or anything... but don't you have classes?"

"Nope. Dumbledore let me off and said I could stay down here until you woke up."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Uh, Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"The scars... on your wrists... Madame Pomfrey was going to spell them away, but Remus stopped her. Was... was that ok?"

Ron stared down at the pale lines on his arms. "Yeah." Maybe Remus understands more than I think he does. "Hey Harry, in case I haven't told you lately... and near-death experience and all... I love you mate."

Harry grinned for the first time that day. "Love you too Ron. You really scared us all, you know that? I'd never seen Remus like that, not even when Sirius died..." He let that hang in the air for a moment.

"Where is he? Remus?" I mean, he's not here. Not that I've given him a reason to be here. Stupid Ron. Stupid stupid stupid... I'm just... I'm going to tell him. Just tell him. It's got to be done. Sometime. I mean, what more can I do? I'm going to tell him and then head for the far reaches of nowhere. Hang with Charlie for the summer or something...

"Remus-"

"-Is right here."

Ron turned around in the bed again. Oh. Standing right there in the doorway. For how long?

Harry, bless his sensitive heart, stood immediately and headed for the door. "I'd best be getting back to report to Hermione and Ginny, tell them Ron's fine and everything. I'll see you both... later?" With another grin and a wink for Ron he fairly skipped out the door, a mess of robes and foppish hair.

They stared at each other for a moment, Ron half sitting half lying in the hospital bed, still a bit pale and ragged around the edges, dressed in the jeans and shirt he'd been in when Harry had found him. Remus looking rumpled and unkempt, a man with nowhere near enough sleep and a barely leashed temper.

"You can See."

What's the point in lying now? "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Ok, no lying, but dodging questions is ok. "I didn't want to tell anyone."

Truth. Sort of. "Feel up to a walk? Poppy's all ready given her permission." Which had taken a large amount of begging.

"I... all right."

~~~~~~~

Remus led Ron far up into the castle, pausing every few flights to give Ron a chance to catch his breath despite his claims of being fine. They finally came to a large wooden door. Remus pushed through it and Ron, slightly confused, followed him.

"Ohh," he gasped in surprise. Never knew this was here, even with all our late night explorations. Beautiful...

The door had led to the roof of Hogwarts and the view, a good ten stories up, was spectacular. Ron felt a little of his fatigue fade away as he stared at the horizon. It was only midday and the sun looked spectacular. Too spectacular; Ron looked away quickly. Damn white spots...

Remus leaned up against the wall. He had brought Ron here for some privacy, and this was practically the only place in the school that only he (and Albus, he was sure) knew of that could give them that. But he had no idea exactly how to bring Ron's problem up.

"Ron. About Seeing..." Remus trailed off, unsure of how or what to ask and at the same time knowing he had too. Ron took the decision from him.

"I See lots of things. Little things, like the scores of Quidditch matches or that it's going to rain. And... big things. People dying. People dying in really bad ways. Death Eater attacks. Cut throats. Using Cruciatus. The Killing Curse... things. Just things."

Remus stared at the bowed head in troubled silence. Seeing people die? Knowing they would die... yet not being able to do anything? Hell must have a place like that...

"Ron," Remus moved his hands helplessly. I want to hold him, to comfort him. But will he take it the wrong way? Will he just run? What... Ron... God...

"It's hard to explain what it's like. Each one gets clearer... but I don't want to see them better. You know? I don't wanna see the little details. I don't want to know that the little girl had bright blue eyes or that the man always wore his wedding band on a chain around his neck since his wife died. I don't want to know those things; I don't want to know their names or that they're going to die. I. Don't. Want. This. It made life seem... faster. Better. More alive... and yet made dead seem so much more dead." Tracing his scars hesitantly, Ron continued to confess what he thought of as his 'sins', pacing quicker and quicker all the while. "And then... the voices got too bad. I'd get headaches. Horrible ones. The visions would come in dreams. So I stopped sleeping. Watched you sleep instead, the whole night long. Then I discovered... if I hurt myself, the voices stopped. The screaming stopped. The visions went away. That's why I couldn't be near you. Things had to hurt. But later it wasn't enough. Things had to hurt more. I used 'Incendio' mostly. A few other nasties I'd learnt over the years. Last night was the first time I ever cut myself. It worked though... it worked really well," he trailed off.

Horrified, Remus grabbed Ron's shoulders roughly. "Ron! Stop! Just stop! None of this is your fault! Don't do this to yourself," he whispered brokenly. "You can't help this. It's... it's just something you have to live with. But you can't live like you have been. You can't... you can't not sleep and hurt yourself! Promise me... Promise me you won't cut yourself again."

"I promise. I won't do it anymore. I know... everything's a give and take. And I can use the Seeing. It's a gift. He... he told me... it's a double-edged sword. It can hurt or help. I've been looking at it the wrong way," Ron said earnestly.

"He?"

Ron flushed and shrugged off Remus's hands. "When I dreamed. I dreamed that I had a choice. Live or Die. See or don't See. I chose life. I had... well, if nothing else, there was something I had to tell someone."

Remus's heart sank. Something he had to tell someone. "I... think I understand."

"Do you?" Ron asked desperately. I don't think you do. His temples pounding, Ron sat down near the wall. Crouching in the shadow under the ledge he looked like nothing if not a gargoyle. Remus, equally troubled, leaned against the wall a few feet away.

In all my seventeen years on this earth, I have only two words to say: Life. Sucks. Yup. That's it. That's the whole of my fricking existence... just... just...

"A boy..." Ron whispered brokenly. "Just... just a boy."

Remus snapped his head up. "What?"

Ron looked at him blankly, pale and still, eyes wide and his pulse jumping frantically. "A boy. In the woods... tall trees... almost blue colored, he thinks how odd it is for trees to be blue colored. Such a different color. He's never seen trees like this before... he's lost. He sees the men in strange robes. What are they, come kind of cult? The one in the middle turns. His face... the eyes... and the laughter. It's just a crazy, crazy, old man. But it scares him... chills him... chills him to the bone... He runs. He thinks later, much later, he will laugh and tell his friends of how he was scared by an old hermit. A strange man... with red eyes. Of course they aren't really red. But they seem it... and he runs. Runs as fast as he ever has... run Michael, run. Run. Running. Breathe. Remember to breathe Michael, breathe with the rhythm of your legs, that's what his coach used to tell him. Breathe as you run. And Michael is running so very fast. But he can never run fast enough. Can't run long enough... can't hide. Green light. Green, green light. The birds stop singing. And the men in robes pick up the body. Pick up the body that is where Michael was a second ago. Among the blue colored trees. Michael... Michael... his friends look for him. They will never find him... never... not where they've taken him... never never never... Not among the blue trees... Some cry amongst the trees... cry... but no tears bring him back. Cry... cry all you want... you won't find him. The birds start singing again. But he's not there. They sing... but Michael... Michael can't hear them anymore."

Boneless, Ron pitched forward. Remus caught him, stumbling slightly under his weight. A heavy beat pulsed in his temples. My God... My God Ron... It was now painfully clear to Remus that suicide might truly not be all that far from Ron's mind. He couldn't be sure he wouldn't have attempted it himself had he been in Ron's position.

~~~~~~

"... serious. I think informing the Ministry would be foolish indeed. And we can't notify his parents without his permission. Do you think he'll give it?"

"I don't know. I think not. He kept his gift from everyone but Harry and Hermione. Even I didn't know..."

Dumbledore's tone softened. "Remus..."

"Don't! Don't. I can't... I can't stand it. What is there for us Albus? He's terrified of me. He tolerated my touch only because it kept the pain away. We can't talk, we never talk. He tenses up the moment I enter a room, he doesn't... I just wish things were different. You know? I love him so much... and..." Frustrated, Remus slammed his hand into the wall. He breathed heavily through his nose once. "I'll try to convince him to let you owl his parents. Might want to drop our bomb on them as well. Two big shocks, but only one awkward period."

"Remus..."

"I told you Albus. Don't."

Albus Dumbledore smiled sadly, and turned and walked back to his office. "You know where to find me."

Drowsily, Ron lifted his head up from the pillow. And now I'm hallucinating... hearing things...

"Remus..."

He slipped back into sleep.

~~~~~~~

"Ron, are you sure you're all right?" Remus asked anxiously. "Madame Pomfrey wanted you to stay another night in the Hospital Wing, and now I'm not so sure..."

"I'm fine," Ron interjected. "Besides, the pain's building. It's been a month... since I slept in here. It hurts all the time. I need this. You need this." I need more than this... but as always, I'll settle.

If that's what he wants... "All right."

The silence settled in upon them again.

I've got to tell him. I've got to. How do I say this? 'I love you even though you hate me'? 'Why don't you love me'? Ron thought bitterly.

"Why do you hate me?" Fuck. So NOT what I was trying to say.

Shock. Where the hell had that come from?

"I don't hate you Ron." I could never hate you. "What would make you think that?"

Ron shrugged, wishing he had never brought up the topic. "I don't know, I mean... you're so... you're kinda distant. Like you don't want to be near me. I thought... it's...you let me get close and then you push me away. I don't understand it. I don't understand you. I thought... you hated me. Or at least disliked me a whole hell of a lot. And then when... things started to go right, I pushed you away. And you didn't say anything. It was as if you couldn't care either way." That's right Ron, bare you soul. God. I am such a fucking idiot.

God. I... Remus moved up next to Ron, disbelief written all over his face. He hugged Ron fiercely. Ron, shocked, stood stiffly a moment before accepting the embrace. "I told you Ron, I don't hate you. I thought... I'm distant because I don't want to scare you. I don't get close to you because I'm afraid of what I'll do. I've hurt you so much, and I just couldn't chance doing it again. What if I completely drove you away? I didn't... didn't want to hurt you again." I love you, and I didn't want to alarm you.

"Hurt me? You're worried about hurting me?" Incredulous, Ron pushed Remus away. "I love you, you idiot! And all you did was keep me at a distance! Could you possibly have hurt me more?" He was ashamed to find tears in his eyes. Fuck. You stupid, stupid man. Stupid, stupid me...

"H-How long?" Good God, could I have messed this up much more?

"How long what?" Ron spat, quickly wiping tears from his eyes.

"How long have you loved me?"

"Since before the school year started. Sometime during the summer. It was... part of the reason I broke up with Terry. I thought it was a stupid crush but..." He hiccuped. "It's love, for all the good it's done me." Angry tears continued to seep from the corners of his eyes.

Remus sat, completely stunned. How could he have missed this? This was one huge mistake. Hell, mistake didn't cover what this was. They'd have to invent a whole new fucking word.

"Ron... there has never been a moment I hated you or resented you. Never, not once. I love you. I love you more than words can say; I have since the summer. We mated for life Ron. It's for life because of the love I had for you at the Claiming. I never thought... you would love me back." He sighed quietly. "There's only one person in my heart, for now and eternity. You Ron. Always. I was foolish. I never thought you could love me, a werewolf. Half a man. I don't know... if you can forgive me. I hope you can, but I just..."

"Oh no," Ron yelled. He sat up abruptly and launched himself at Remus, knocking him over. "Don't give me that shit! You are not half a man! Don't you ever think that! And what makes you so unworthy of love? Of my love? Don't you dare play the martyr! Don't you dare!" He stared down at Remus, furious. "You think I don't know I love you? Don't know my own mind? Stop it Remus. Just stop it. You are stuck with me, because I want to be with you. I don't care about the stupid Claiming. Fuck the Claiming! I love you. You love me. It's all on the table now, and... and there's nothing else to talk about!" And with that he bent his head down, carefully fitting his lips to Remus's. He found his mate's mouth open and hungry.

Ron. God. How many times have I almost lost you? I'm never giving you the chance again.

Remus pressed Ron to him, able to feel every one of his ribs even through the fabric of his robes. Christ. What Ron had been through... what he'd had done to him, what he'd done to himself. He'd have to take care of him, not that he minded. Remus would take care of Ron until the end, whenever that was.

Encouraged, Ron swung his leg around Remus and straddled him brazenly. "It's the day after the full moon. Peak energy time," he whispered seductively. "What am I to do with all of it?" Remus's only answer was a husky moan.

When had Ron become the dominant one? That had to be righted. Remus bit playfully at Ron's neck, testing the waters. With a growl Ron began to strip Remus, his nimble fingers making quick work of the buttons.

This is right. Very, very right.

Remus slipped out of his shirt, Ron's hands moving over and around him. Ron sighed. Remus was exactly how he remembered him. Beautiful... gorgeous and wild... hard and tight and muscled. This was Remus. His Remus.

Pushing Ron's shirt off of him roughly, Remus scraped his teeth over the bitemark on Ron's collarbone.

"God, Remus. Please..." There was that damn whimper again. But that wasn't Ron of course. "Remus..."

Remus worked his way down Ron slowly, biting, teasing, kissing. "Mine." Ron arched up against him. "God, Remy..."

But Remus stopped suddenly, his fingers brushing up against the raised scars on Ron's wrists. Ron met his eyes steadily, despite the haze of desire that covered his brain.

"It was a stupid mistake. One I will never make again," he said seriously. "Seeing... it's bad, I won't lie. But hurting myself over it was stupid. Hurting you over it was worse yet. I love you Remus. And I mean that."

Remus let go of Ron's arms, reaching up to gently trace his lower lip. "Do you know how long I've wanted to hear those words?"

"Do you know how long I've wanted to say them?" Ron teased back.

"Too long," Remus rasped before leaning down and kissing Ron again.

Note to self: Tease Remus as often as possible. Whoa. Wait a second... where did my pants go? That's some serious skill at quick undressing. Not that...

Sigh.

I'm...

Moan.

Complaining.

"Ron..." Remus reached down to gently kiss him. "Ron. Are you sure..."

"Remus, I love you... but if you don't do something very, very soon I may have to hurt you."

He laughed shortly. "If that's what you want."

"Yes. That's what I want."

"Well. I should give you what you want."

"Yeah," Ron gasped. "You really, really should."

And he did. Remus's arms were wrapped tightly around Ron. He never wanted to let go. Not now, not ever. Ron moaned slightly, and when Remus kissed him this time it was a mess of teeth and tongue. And this time Ron didn't mind the white spots, because if they reminded him of the moon, well, what did he care? Remus's fingers traced Ron's scar over and over again. Ron moved slowly against Remus, and afterwards the both of them lay panting in each other's arms. And gradually, eventually, they slept.

~~~~~~~

"So you understand now?"

"I think I do. I don't have everything figured out though."

"Does anyone? There are things even we don't understand."

"Comforting."

"Sarcasm does not become you," dream-Hermione chided.

"Oh, well. We all like what's not good for us."

Dream-Harry and dream-Hermione both cracked rare smiles.

"That is the way of mortals it seems. Amusing."

"Am I missing something here?" Ron asked, a bit lost.

"Are you? Missing something, that is. Don't you have everything you ever wanted?"

Ron pictured Remus curled up next to him, a smile upon his face, the first real smile Ron had seen in months. And Ron knew that wherever he himself slept, he was smiling too.

"Yes. Everything."

"You won't see us again. Not with these faces. Not for a long time. Until then remember, Ronald Weasley, 'ware the Binding. Remember, 'ware the Binding."

" 'Ware the Binding?"

"Yes. 'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness."

" 'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness."

"Yes."

"I don't understand."

"I thought we covered this all ready," dream-Harry said quietly. "You don't have to know everything. No one does. No one needs to. Certainly not you."

"Remember," dream-Hermione whispered. " 'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness."

" 'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness."

~~~~~~~

" 'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness."

"What?"

Ron twisted around, sliding his arms back around Remus, who was barely awake. "Nothing. Just... thinking about the future."

"It's looking better than it was a few days ago."

"It looks better each minute."

"Mhmmm."

"Not to complain..." Ron stressed, shivering theatrically, "...but I'm freezing my ass off out here."

Remus laughed and teased him. "I could warm it up for you."

"Tempting. Very tempting. But I'm waiting until we have a bed. So get up, c'mon..."

"Now who's the slave driver?"

Ron got a rather sharp gleam in his eye. "You want to see a slave driver? Then get your ass into our room right now."

"So now you're the alpha male? You're not even a werewolf, love."

"Tough shit. I've got you beat. That makes me alpha male by default."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, let's not forget who's had who here."

"Hmm. That can change you know."

"Now who could resist a challenge like that?"

This is fun. More than fun. I'm going to be a very demanding teenage lover. Poor Remus has no idea what he's in for.

Poor Ron. Now that I know he's mine, there's really no need to control myself, is there? He has no idea what he's in for.

"Love you Remus."

"I love you too Ron."

'Ware the Binding. 'Ware the Past. 'Ware the Darkness.

Ron knew that as long as Remus was at his side, he had nothing to fear. Nothing at all.

"Love you so much."

(((See? Loosey goosey, happy go lucky, who gives a good goddamn happily ever after!!! Never let it be said that I don't go through with my promises)