What Eyes Can See

Chapter 7 - Christmas

I couldn't sleep last night

My ears were ringing in my head

Best friends with the boogie man

I may be better off here dead

Running on empty once again

Too tired for tears I dread

Sink deep into those magic dreams

While I blast off in my bed

And you know I played it all in here

Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fear

And I threw my whole life down the drain

You know cause everyone says that I'm not the same

Since I changed my name

Three hours later and I'm staring at the ceiling still

Xanex does nothing more than calm the sleeping thrill

Turning the pillows round and round to find a cool spot for my head

Ah, bless my only friend

And you know I played it all in here

Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fear

And I threw my whole night down the drain

You know cause everyone says that I'm not the same...

I feel my body's lost control

My knees get weak as I drift away

And it gets darker, darker

Dreaming's where I am...

~Sugarcult, I Changed My Name

~~~~~~~

Remus lay quietly on the bed. Christmas Eve. Ron slept peacefully next to him, exhausted by the icy Quidditch match and snowball fight the students had indulged in earlier. Stuffed with hot chocolate and cookies he dropped off to sleep almost instantly. Pretty good way to spend it all in all.

He looks adorable when he sleeps. Like an angel almost. My angel... Ron...

"Remus..." Ron sighed. He moved forward, his hand coming up to rest on Remus's chest, curling into his shirt. Ron smiled happily in his sleep. He snuggled his face closer, pushing into the crook of Remus's neck. "Remus..."

Remus froze, his heart constricting painfully. Ron was sleeping in his arms! Not next to him, but actually sleeping in his arms! Could he possibly... maybe... not hate him after all? He cautiously wrapped his arms around Ron, then buried his nose in the ginger hair, breathing in that scent, that spicy, summery musk that was all Ron. Remus smiled lopsidedly. When he woke up tomorrow he'd be sure to have a crick in his neck but it was worth it to hold Ron again.

He looked down at his mate regretfully. If only they could start over... but there was no going back, only building with what was there. Ron murmured softly in his sleep and Remus held him tighter in response.

"I love you." Maybe someday I'll be able to show you.

Beautiful, the wolf said quietly. Remus silently agreed.

Surrendering to the dreams that always came swiftly at his mate's side Remus dozed off, arms still wrapped around Ron.

~~~~~~~

Remus smiled over at the newly awoken Ron, who yawned and stretched loudly, popping the bones in his neck and back. "Merry Christmas."

Christmas? Oh right... Christmas!

"Merry Christmas to you too." Ron slid out of bed, unable to keep a grin off his face. Christmas. Impossible to be in a bad mood on Christmas. He fairly skipped into the bathroom.

Remus smiled. Ron was in a good mood this morning. Remus had been up well before he was, and with a pang he realized Ron probably he had no idea he'd slept in Remus's arms. And he wouldn't tell him. Poor kid would probably get embarrassed. I'll never ask for more than he's willing to give. Want, yes, but never ask.

Remus glanced out the window. It was practically a blizzard outside. Nervously he went and took his present for Ron out from behind the bureau. Stupid to be nervous. Either he'd like it or he wouldn't. He set it down on the table and went back to his coffee. The comforts of caffeine.

Ron came out of the bathroom as smiley as when he went in.

"Oh. Hey. You got a present." Ron felt a surge of jealousy. Who had given Remus a present? If it was anyone other than Dumbledore, they'd be having words... What was who-ever-it-was thinking, giving his mate presents?

Remus smiled. "No, you got a present."

It took a second for that to sink in. "You... got me a present?"

"Uh-huh." He doesn't look mad. That's good.

Ron wasn't anywhere near mad. He was in the land of the Royally Stunned, beyond the Valley of the Confused. Remus had gotten him a present?

Ok, don't read too much into this. You're setting yourself up for a disappointment. It's just because it's Christmas. He's being, I don't know, polite. Considerate.

Slowly, Ron stepped toward the table. A long thin box. God knows what it was. He peeled back the wrapping paper reverently, setting it aside carefully. He watched Remus from the corner of his eye. He looked kind of fidgety. Ron pulled the top of the box of cautiously...

Oh my God. Oh my God oh my God. He was a near illiterate idiot with a small vocabulary but his was an amazingly happy idiot. Oh my God!

There, lying unassumingly in the box, was a Firebolt, Silver Edition. For him. For Ronald Weasley. Ronald Weasley, who for once owned a brand new broom of his very own. A broom better than anyone elses in the school's. Even Harry.

"I thought the shape was too obvious if I didn't put in a box. Hope you like it."

"..." Ron had opened his mouth with the intention of saying something but nothing came out. He just turned toward Remus, completely and utterly speechless.

Remus spoke quietly. "I overheard you and Harry talking about brooms last month. I thought you wanted one. So, the newest Firebolt. Best money can buy."

"A whole lot of money!" Ron squeaked. Oh great, I'm going through puberty again.

A smile flickered across Remus's face. "It's nothing. Sirius actually left me quite a bit of money. And I find things so much more interesting than coins."

I... it's just... he thought about this. Really thought about what I'd like. Didn't just buy me some stupid book or something. He spent a lot of money on me. I guess... he really does like me after all. At least a bit.

With a nerve Ron didn't even know he had, he walked over and kissed Remus. Pressed his lips right to him, briefly, chastely, but affectionately nonetheless, then stepped back and surveyed the damage. Remus was looking at him with a shocked expression.

"Thank you." For that at least. For everything else too.

Then he took his broom and with one more look strode out of the room.

Damn boy does that a lot. Does something completely unexpected and leaves! Like kissing me! Where did that come from? Then... he kissed me! Kissed me! Finally! Ok, that was a little unfair. It wasn't like it had been forever. But you share a bed with someone, and that kiss seemed a long time in coming. Ron kissed me! He had to restrain himself from jumping around in sheer joy. As it was he'd be grinning like an idiot for the rest of the day.

Merry Christmas indeed.

~~~~~~~

Ron tapped on the Fat Lady's portrait politely. She snorted, her lavender sleeping gown still fluttering from her snoring, and opened one eye irritably.

"Password?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Sexy werewolf." Seamus and Dean's idea of a joke. Idiots. At least no one outside of the seventh year boys had caught on yet.

It was a rather charming tableau actually. Harry and Hermione were sitting in front of the fire, mugs of something in their hands sending spirals of steam up into the air around their faces. They were chatting quietly, a quiet moment filled with such obvious love. Damn it. Do Remus and I have a shot at that? Not just the whole 'being able to carry on a conversation' thing... but the love part. And the sex part. Anything but whatever the hell this is now. Ron gave them a few more moments before walking over to join them. (((Hey, he can be considerate too ya know!)))

"Whoa, where'd you get the broom?" Harry asked breathlessly. Broom envy! A Silver Firebolt...

"Remus gave it to me."

Harry and Hermione exchanged grins at the sheer amount of awe in Ron's voice.

"I told you he cares about you," Harry said confidently. "See? This just proves it."

Ron grinned, a slow, shy small that looked almost out of place on him. "Yeah. I guess so."

Hermione started to tear up. "Rooo-on!" she wailed. He's so in love with Remus. And he looked so cute when he smiled like that. He's... he's like a flower! A frail, delicate flower! That was it. She burst into full-fledged sobs.

Now it was Ron and Harry's turn to exchange looks. Why is she crying? Ron mouthed.

I have no idea, Harry returned, clearly uneasy with Hermione's sobs.

"Hermione? Are you all right?"

Gulping, she nodded shakily. "I'm fine. Really. It's just... flower!" And with that she started to sob again. "And maybe... I'm kind of hormonal right now." At that both of the boys drew back a little. She rolled her eyes. "It's not catching you know." Sniffling, she gave them both a watery smile. "I love you both, you know that?"

"We love you too 'Mione."

She pitched forward and pulled them both into tight hugs. "Now let's open presents, ok? And I'll try not to cry again."

"Deal." With wide smiles the three of them fell upon the pile of wrapped packages. A half an hour later they sat amidst a pile of papers and various gifts.

"I'm not touching the candies the twins sent me."

"Same here. We could leave them someplace for Crabbe and Goyle to find. They'll eat anything."

"Good idea. Hermione?"

"Go ahead and take mine too. I wonder if they're the new Camel Caramels Fred was working on?"

"Like Canary Creams?"

"Yup."

"Camels? Canaries and Camels? Fred and George are just twisted."

"Thank you Captain Obvious."

"Eww, a Camel Crabbe?"

"He looks like a camel all ready."

"That would explain the hump on his back."

"He is kind of Qausimodo-like isn't he?"

"But Qausimodo was misunderstood. Crabbe really is just stupid."

"Of course. How silly of me." The group's crazy bantering put Ron at ease. He gradually drifted off into his own thoughts, which seemed to be starting a bit of an argument.

Here's a thought Ron. Why did you run after you kissed him?

Because I'm a coward? he thought back weakly.

Damn right you are. Care to explain why you're so cowardly?

Because... because I knew he was still kind of stunned. And I didn't want him to be all... disgusted. Or kind. And pitying. Kind and pitying would have killed me. So I left before then. That way I won't have to deal with it, at least not until tonight.

But maybe he wasn't disgusted? Or pitying? Maybe he wanted you to kiss him.

Maybe. Or maybe he was too stunned to do or say anything. He didn't return the kiss after all.

It was a short kiss! You surprised him!

But -

"Ron? Ron?" Harry came over and tapped him on the forehead. "Are you awake in there?"

"Ah. Yeah. Sorry. What were you saying?

"It's too late for breakfast. Did you want to go to the kitchens or just stay here and binge on chocolate?"

"Do you really need to ask? Chocolate!" Deep thoughts can wait.

~~~~~~~

"Hey."

"Hello."

Ok, you kissed this man this morning. You've had sex with him! Why is it so bloody difficult to talk to him?!

"About... this morning..." Did you mean it Ron?

Oh god. Here it comes. The pity, the kindness. The 'I don't really think of you that way'. I guess all we really had was a one-night stand with complications. Really big, horribly complicated complications. Idiot.

Ron put on a false smile. God, he was getting good at those. "About that. I just... got caught up in the Christmas spirit." He turned away, fighting down the bile that rose in his throat. "Just a thank you. I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything. I mean, it wasn't meant *that way*. No big, right?" He blinked rapidly. No big deal. I mean, I love you in a want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you-even-without-this-stupid-bond way, and you love me in a you're-a-student-of-mine-and-I-care-for-your-well-being-kind-of way.

"Oh. I... right. Of course. That's what I thought." Ron was too busy wallowing in self-pity to notice the hurt in Remus's voice. You don't love me. That's just the way you kiss Hermione, or Harry. Remus felt the small bud of jealousy grow. Hell, you spend more time with them than you do with me. I guess... this is just a big mistake. I love you, damn it, but I'm just another friend. Strictly platonic. Another brother, for Christ's sake, although I'd think you'd had enough of them.

They slipped into bed much more troubled than when they'd let it in the morning.

~~~~~~~

Christmas vacation passed and the beginnings of spring came. Ron and Remus rarely spoke, their nights of sharing Remus's bed broken only by the infrequent full moons. Harry and Hermione wondered about Ron's sudden withdrawal, but he wouldn't talk to them about Remus anymore. He staunchly refused. He seldom met Remus's eyes in class or the hall. He lost weight, he didn't sleep properly. He was falling apart before everyone's eyes.

~~~~~~~

Avada Kedavra... Mudblood... filthy... my Lord... green... pain... red eyes... red... dark... scared... where's papa... hush now... hush... green light... girl... hush now... hush hush... don't cry... don't cry...

"Ahhhh!" With an anguished scream Ron flew back, clutching his head tightly.

"Mr. Weasley!" Professor McGonagall gasped. "Whatever is the matter?"

Fuck this! Fuck Seeing! I can't control my own life, what the hell do I know about the future?

"I... a headache Professor. Bad one. Could I... could I go to the Infirmary?" Is that my voice? Ron thought wearily, all his venom suddenly gone. I sound tired.

"Of course you may." She looked down on his curiously. "Do you need someone to assist you?"

"I..." He was tempted to say he could do it himself but suddenly he didn't feel up to it. "Yes. Please."

"Mr. Potter? Take Mr. Weasley to the Infirmary please."

"Yes Professor." Harry moved forward to grab Ron, moving his arm around his shoulders. "Here. Lean on me."

"Thanks." I... fuck. Fuck this is painful. Breaking my leg, getting hexed, puking slugs. Getting spelled in the Department of Mysteries. Nothing compared to this. Feels like my head's been Splinched. Think I'm gonna puke. Fuck. This hurts. The screaming. God, the screaming. I can still -

~~~~~~~

"Remus? Is there something wrong? Remus? Remus?"

"I... Excuse me..."

I've got to find Ron. Something's wrong. I... I think... this way.

Uncertainly, Remus walked down a hallway towards the South Wing. Deep down, he knew something was off. His skin tingled, there was a prickling on the back of his neck; he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hoped he was wrong. Ron couldn't be sick. Ron couldn't be hurt. Ron couldn't be-

Dead.

~~~~~~~

(((CLIFFHANGER! )))

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(((Naww... just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you.)))

~~~~~~~

"What's wrong with him?"

"Looks like he's lost some weight. Stressful time of year too. Mr. Potter said he complained of a headache and was heading down here. He's probably just worked himself too hard." Satisfied that her patient wasn't on Death's doorstep, Madame Pomfrey tucked the covers more securely around Ron. "Why are you here Professor?"

"It's not often we have students faint dead away Poppy. You must admit he did look like Death warmed over." Ron... you gave me a heart attack. Trying to kill off the new DADA teacher? *Sigh*... bit of a weak joke there. Please don't do that to me again.

"He did look pretty bad, didn't he?" Clucking maternally, she patted Remus on the back. "I'm sure he'll be fine once he wakes up. Nox." Extinguishing the lamp, Madame Pomfrey led Remus out of the sick room.

And abandoned Ron to his nightmares.

~~~~~~~

Filthy Mudbloods.

A farm. Big barn. Cows sleeping. Chickens. A pig? A dog maybe, sleeping over there under the eaves.

My Lord. What is it you wish?

Kill them all.

The man is not afraid. He isn't scared. He picks something up off the table. Long. Metallic. He meets Death with eyes open.

A flash of green light.

The children cry. A little girl and boy. They're scared. Scared and alone. The boy is taller. Older. He pulls the girl into the closet, and he sings hoarsely.

Hush now. Don't cry.

Where's poppa? Where's poppa? I'm scared.

Don't cry. Hush hush my baby. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry don't cry don't cry. Be quiet now Marie, don't cry. If you don't make a noise they can't find us. They can't find us. Don't cry.

I'm scared.

Me too.

The girl ///Marie?\ snuggles closer to the boy. Footsteps. Heavy footsteps.

It's not poppa.

The door slides open. Slowly. The sudden flood of light blinds them. Deer caught in the headlights. And like deer they are sacrificed. Cut open with no ceremony, not even a word to mark their passing. The blood runs. And runs and runs and runs. It coats the floor and stains the quilt, stains the quilt that their momma made last summer before she went away to where they couldn't follow and couldn't see and all the neighbors brought food and its those same neighbors that find them tomorrow find them lying in the closet arms wrapped around each other the boy's still singing and the girl still afraid and she's always so very afraid -

"Huuuuuuuuuuh." Ron breathes in, desperately, like he can't believe he's alive. He can't believe that he can breathe, can't believe that he's not lying there in the closet with them. Doesn't know why he's alive and they're not. He just doesn't know. He doesn't know if he wants to know. He wants to forget. He wants to forget the pitiful faces and the boy's slight resemblance to Remus around the mouth. He closes his eyes and pretends he doesn't see the quilt, that beautiful quilt so full of love. Soaked with blood. He doesn't see it, and he doesn't feel it, but most of all he pretends it simply doesn't exist.

(((A/N A liiiiitle bit disturbing, yah. Don't worry. Chapters 8 and 9 reveal all! MWA HAHA!

Oh yeah, and Hemy, that whole 'Hermione flower-thing' is in there just for you all right?)))