Trapped Behind the Window

Epilogue

This love
This love is a strange love
In that it can lift a love
This love

This love
I think I'm gonna fall again
And ever when you held the hand
And turn 'em in your fingers

Love

This love
Now rehearsed we stay, love
Doesn't know it is love
This love

This love
Doesn't have to feel love
Doesn't care to be love
It doesn't mean a thing
This love

This love loves love
It's a strange love, strange love
This love loves love

(This love)
This love is a strange love, strange love

- Craig Armstrong and Elisabeth Fraser, This Love

(Cruel Intentions Soundtrack)

~

Ginny and Harry arrived right in the middle of the kitchen of number twelve, Grimmauld Place only seconds after they had escaped the Death Eater back in the Estate of Nullah, still holding hands. Unable to keep up straight, due to their exhaustion, both swayed after the sudden landing, knees buckling and fell onto the floor weakly, gasping for breath. A sudden outburst of voices and people rushing towards them forced Ginny and Harry to let go of their hands; they were torn apart and being hugged and kissed from every side, tears were flowing like endless streams of rain and the noise around made them want to clap their hands over their ears in an attempt to block it out. Absolutely shocked by the tumult their arrival had caused - so obsessed by the thought of merely escaping, of merely being free, none of them had paused to think about seeing all the familiar faces again - and the level of all the happy noise around, Ginny and Harry were both too perplexed to say a single thing. Of course, even if they had wanted to say anything, it was dubious if anybody would have heard their soft, low voices; they had changed so much in these few months... the voices of imprisonment....

People were still flinging themselves at them constantly, hardly giving them time to breathe, yet alone speak - neither had said a single word since their arrival. They had the impression of floating high above the whole scene, observing what was happening from far away and weren't taking any of it in. It was too loud, the light from the stove and candles and torches was too bright, the whole of reality was crashing back onto them with such an enormous speed and weight that it threatened to tear them down at the same time. After what seemed like ages - though it was only a few minutes - a calm voice managed to interrupt the constant noise, speaking slowly, silently, but at the same time very firmly.

"Leave them alone, please. Yes, Molly, you as well. I think the last thing Ginny and Harry need right now is this. Remus?"

The voice paused.

"I think you should take them upstairs so they can get some rest... no, Molly, there is no need to prepare even more food, you can already feed the whole of Hogwarts with what you have managed to produce in the last hour," the voice continued, sounding amused but strangely serious at the same time.

Too confused with all that was happening, Ginny and Harry didn't even feel grateful towards the person; the words were just washing over them, they were hearing, but forgetting them the next second, listening to the sound of each word, but unable to connect it with the next, let alone connect the words to a whole, logical sentence.

Later on, they only had a vague recollection of what had been going on, could hardly remember being lifted up from the floor and passed through various pairs of eager hands until the door closed behind them. They followed a person, a young, but at the same time weary and fatigued-looking man up a few flights of stairs, slowly relaxing a little... they were used to following people, it had almost become second nature to do so without any thought. Once or twice, they tripped and held on to the other for support, but still not a word escaped their lips.

After all, they hadn't been addressed.

"Here. Try and get some rest," the person said and opened a door at the end of a dimly lit corridor. Harry and Ginny stepped in wordlessly, minds completely blank and jumped as the door was closed behind them softly.

Not being locked.

On the left side of the room, an open glass door led way to a small balcony, pale, white curtains swaying in a light breeze.

A window.

Open to reality.

Without speaking, without having to think about it at all, Ginny and Harry walked over, hand in hand, and stepped out onto the balcony into the fresh night. The stars glittered above them in the dark, velvety blue skies as the cool wind ruffled their hair and caused a light shade of pink to flush their cheeks. Spread out in front of them, twinkling, lay London, reflecting the lights of the heavens above it seemed; London City, so full of energy, so full of life. They both stared out into the world hungrily, comprehension starting to dawn. Free. It was relaxingly calm on the balcony, only interrupted by the sound of the wind and the distant buzz of cars far away; and finally, they could catch their breaths. The skies clouded over a little as soft pearls of rain fell almost lazily onto their faces. The waning moon only shone as a thin crescent through the curtain of misty clouds, but seeming so much closer than ever before. They hardly noticed they were clutching the balcony's railing so tightly that their knuckles stood out in a ghostly white, comparable to the faint glow of the crescent. The wind picked up again, and together with the drops of rain, it managed to wake them from their daze.

Ginny made the first move to speak, but all that escaped her was a dry, nearly terrified sob. Harry turned away from the city beneath him to see a single tear running down Ginny's cheek as she looked at him with her big, brown, cinnamon eyes. Their gaze locked and for a moment, all he saw, all he took in, was that deep pool of cinnamon, ready to drown in it forever, wherever it would be; he didn't care. The sudden noise of an ambulance's siren brought him back to reality, closer than he had been to it since he had arrived back in Grimmauld Place at all.

"It actually worked, Gin," he whispered, so used to speaking silently, he could not fall out of his habit.

"Yes," she whispered back. "It worked."

She reached out for his hand and pulled him towards her slowly, captured in his emerald gaze. Harry slid his arms around her waist as Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck, just holding him close, breathing in the same tact as he was, as if the were not two separate people, but one single person, thinking the same, feeling the same, wishing for the same. His arms pulled her even closer, if that was possible at all, as he kissed her neck lightly and she shivered.

"We ought to go in," he whispered to her ear, but Ginny shook her head.

"No," she replied and looked up.

The rain was falling between them like a curtain as Ginny wiped a drop from his cold nose with her thumb. She felt her heart beating unusually fast; somewhere deep inside, her heart was aching in a strangely pleasant way, but hurting at the same time and the expression 'bittersweet' got a whole new meaning. Everything was so mixed up inside her mind and blurred, so confusing.... For an irritating moment, she felt as if they were two people just seconds before their first kiss and only when his lips had touched hers softly, did she manage to free herself from thought, sinking into pure bliss. This kiss, the first one in liberty, the first one in freedom after what seemed like years of darkness, was so much deeper and more emotional than anything she had ever experienced, anything she could remember; it felt like the first true kiss they had ever shared, as if their life had been on hold since Hallowe'en and all that had happened in between was just a bad dream, and now, she was kissing him for the first time ever, for the first time in her whole life. It was so tender and slow, full of feeling, and so intense... as if exploring a whole new world - or perhaps rediscovering it, just as they were rediscovering life, freedom and love, rediscovering everything after an awful dream, slowly awakening, finding the dream only to be a mere blur, becoming less and less clear and sharp by the second... drifting away into the clouds, drifting away to darkness....

~

Later that night, after a shower and long gazes out through the open balcony door, they actually managed to go down into the kitchen and get over with the first real meeting of their family and friends. It felt so hard to walk down the steps one after the next, dreading what was coming even more than being happy about it. There seemed to be such an incredible distance between them and their family and friends now; and they noticed it before even having met them properly. Nonetheless, they continued down the staircases and walked into the kitchen hand in hand. In contrast to their immediate arrival a few hours back, everyone became silent abruptly, stopping what he or she was doing at once and turning to look at them. Ginny and Harry stood in the doorframe for a long time, not saying anything, until Ginny cleared her throat.

"Thank you," she whispered.

It was all she managed to say. Harry nodded at her side and added a thank-you to Kreacher, even though the house-elf was not in the kitchen.

More silence followed their few words and Ginny and Harry stood immobile in the doorframe, still holding hands, clutching on to each other for support until, suddenly, Dumbledore was standing behind them (how had he got there?) and everybody started to get up and welcomed them back in a calmer, more systematic and civilized way than they had done beforehand, looking almost guiltily. Lupin, Molly and Arthur were the first ones, all with suspiciously shimmering eyes, but in the end, only Molly broke out into tears. She and Arthur were hugging their only daughter tightly, whispering words to her ear and not wanting to let her go. Harry found himself facing Lupin, who looked at him in such a way that reminded him so terribly of Sirius; proud and lovingly, but deep down, sad at the same time. Ginny's words where echoing in Harry's ear as he stood in front of him in silence... and, trembling, Harry made the first step towards Lupin, trembling, yes, but determined. Lupin did not need more of an explanation of Harry's feelings and embraced him tightly, eyes shining with delight and, for once, not with sorrow and anguish. Shortly afterwards, Molly and Arthur had also swept him into a long hug, Harry, their second lost child. Dumbledore did something that took both Ginny and Harry totally aback: he hugged them and they also noticed an odd gleaming in his eyes. Tonks and Moody were the only two other members of the Order that were at Grimmauld Place at that moment, but they had only just welcomed Ginny and Harry back ('Constant vigilance!'), when the door of the kitchen flew open and Hermione and Ron stepped in, stopping right in their tracks as they beheld Ginny and Harry, completely lost for words. Nobody had told them what was going on - they had been called from Hogwarts to Grimmauld Place in the middle of the week without any explanation. They stood opposite Ginny and Harry for a few silent seconds and then nearly ran towards them, lapsing into a long hug and torrents of tears. Ron would not let Ginny's hand go anymore and Hermione would start bursting into fresh tears every single time she looked at them. Somehow, Ginny and Harry found themselves sitting at the table and getting enormous plates full of food served, so they started eating slowly, nearly reluctantly and didn't get very far - the rest of the Weasley gang (at least those who were currently in England) had come charging into the room. Fred, George and Bill made an enormous fret about Ginny, but not quite as bad as Ron or Molly; although Bill did beat Ron in the 'who's allowed to sit next to our little sister'-game. Unable to eat more, simply because they weren't used to the amounts of food Molly served any longer, Ginny and Harry pushed away their plates soon after. For a moment, it was like in the old days, like in the summer holidays; people all around the table were engulfed in different conversations, talking in quiet tones to each other, clearing the table together and helping around. Tonks even managed to empty a big drawer full of cutlery all over the floor with a tremendous crashing noise and in the end, Ginny and Harry were only listening to the conversation half-heartedly, Ginny's head peacefully resting on Harry's shoulder, eyes closed.

However, after a while, they noticed that it had become very quiet indeed and they opened their eyes again, looking around into the familiar faces. Hermione burst out into a new lapse of tears and Fred, who was sitting by her side, patted her back awkwardly.

"There, there, Hermione," he said.

Molly was also sobbing again, clutching Arthur's hand and Lupin, sitting opposite Ginny and Harry seemed uncertain about asking questions or not. Mad-Eye Moody (surprisingly enough, both of his eyes were directed at them) was seated next to an extremely calm Dumbledore, who was looking at them with his light-blue, somehow omniscient stare, but didn't breathe a word. Tonks played with a bottle of butterbeer absent-minded and nearly spilled it all over the tablecloth.

"What happened?" Ron finally asked into the silence, his voice trembling.

Slowly, Ginny and Harry started to explain, talking softly and silently; but it was so quiet in the room that nobody missed out on a single word. When one would get tired of speaking, the other would jump in and it went on like that for nearly half an hour. They tried to mention everything they knew, for it was clear that the Order would need all information they could get about the Estate of Nullah in the attempt to defeat the dark side. Afterwards, they explained what they had heard from Kreacher about the ritual one thousand days after the rise of Lord Voldemort. At this point, everybody listened with even more raped attention than before, if that was possible at all; they all seemed to be holding their breaths. The house-elf was not to be seen in the kitchen, which worried them, but Lupin assured everybody that Kreacher was in the house because he had seen him just shortly before. Ginny and Harry finished their report tiredly. Without having talked to each other about it, they had not mentioned the issue of the attempted rape. The others seemed to be having enough problems as it was to digest their little adventure; Molly and Hermione were crying silently again and Lupin was holding Harry's hand from across the table. Dumbledore inquired about certain things they didn't understand why he wanted to know (as usually), but they answered his questions as well as they could. Finally, he stopped the others from asking anymore and with a last round of hugs, and, in Molly's and Hermione's case, tears, everybody went to bed.

~

Harry lay in bed, wide awake, on his own. He was grateful for not having to sleep in the room he used to share with Ron, but he was still finding it hard to get to sleep at all. Moreover, it might have had to do with the fact that he was in Sirius's old room; it certainly made a chill run down his spine. If one thing would really have been able to comfort him after the ordeal he had lived through with Ginny, it would have been Sirius's face. Harry blinked into the darkness and swallowed the sudden urge to cry. Ginny was right. It was true he couldn't let Sirius go, and he knew it himself, but the thought of what she had said about Lupin was nagging at him as well.

Remus.

Not Lupin.

Remus.

Harry felt too warm and pushed his covers aside almost angrily. He would have a talk with Remus sometime soon. He had to. Mentally closing the Sirius/Remus topic, Harry searched his mind and realised what the other problem was. He slipped out of bed and crept to the door silently, pulling it open. Still as a statue, he peered out into the corridor for a while, listening to the darkness and then started tiptoeing down the black hallway, only stopping once he was in front of the room he had been in earlier with Ginny, the room Ginny was sleeping in now. She was not in the room she usually shared with Hermione either - they had both requested to not have to sleep in their old beds. Harry pressed his ear against the door, not wanting to disturb Ginny if she was really asleep, when the sound of somebody tossing about in bed restlessly met his ear. He smiled to himself sadly, opened the door and stepped into the room.

~

"Hey," Ginny whispered, before he had even closed the door behind him noiselessly. She had known he was going to come. "I've been waiting for you," she added, sitting up in bed, squinting through the darkness at his shadowy figure.

Harry walked over, grinning almost apologetically. "I-"

"-Couldn't sleep?" she finished the sentence for him. "Me neither."

Ginny smiled back and shifted over, motioning him to lie down next to her. Harry sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped under the sheets with her, like they were used to doing it; like they had done it for the last few months. It was curious how people got used to things to such an extent that they couldn't live without them. Ginny snuggled up against him contently, and, placing his arms around her waist with a small, light kiss on her forehead, Harry closed his eyes, letting himself fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

The End