Good Morning, Hogwarts

Do you ever get the feeling that everything in the wizarding world is completely fucked up? You know that feeling that the very origins of magic itself are about ready to just say "That's it. Forget it." I mean, think about it. Everything has been infected - the people, the Ministry, the schools - you name it. Speaking of schools, I was walking the Hogwarts halls the other day, caught up in the usual hustle and bustle, and I asked myself, "Is there life after school?" There had better be, because I can't face tomorrow, let alone one more year of this shite.

Yes, you got it folks. It's me again with a little attitude for all of you out there. All of you nice people living within the walls of this oh-so-wonderful school. And yes folks, you guessed it, today I'm ready for some real raw action, so keep reading and remember this is Radgie Robin Rush reminding you to shag on the lawn and prove your parents wrong.

---

"Hey! Give me that!"

"Oi! Let me see that!"

"Give it here!"

"Hey! He listens to Bowie!"

"Great. He listens to David Bowie and exploits his sexuality."

"Oh, you Slytherins have no taste."

They were flying around the Great Hall that morning just like every morning - pages of parchment covered front and back in crisp, black print. There weren't enough copies for everyone, there never were, so as soon as one person finished, another person had it. They all read it, even the Slytherins, although theirs was the only table where the newsletter's travels were anything near inconspicuous. It didn't matter who had it, though. All that mattered was how the hall was buzzing with commentary and speculations.

"Look at this!" Sirius hit the table with enough force that his friends had little choice but to look at the paper in his hands. He held it out to them, beaming as if they hadn't seen it already, even though a copy was currently still clutched in James' hands as well, Peter reading over his shoulder. "Radgie Robin! Every morning!"

"And you remind us," Remus sighed tiredly into his pumpkin juice, "every morning."

"He's insane! Seriously!"

"So are you."

Giving the parchment a noisy kiss, Sirius winked. "I think I'm in love, mate!"

Remus just rolled his eyes and yawned.

---

So it seems we can get down to it again. A bit of stolen Firewhiskey to keep me warm, an eagle feather quill to write to you lovely people, and I have that feeling. Yes, I have the familiar feeling that something is going all wrong.

"Who is this guy?"

Lily snorted, pulling the parchment over so she could read it better. "Who cares?"

I mean, really. Everywhere I look it seems like everything is a mess. My parents are a mess. My dad made a mess when he married into something he had no way to understand. My mum made a mess when she brought me into a world no one can understand. And then they made a real mess together when they accepted the invitation to have me attend this school. You want honesty? Well, truth is, they were the ones who set me up for every situation that ever went wrong in my life. Now believe me, I love them both with all my heart, but they have a thing or two to learn about parenthood. Unfortunately, that makes me the only sensible test subject for their little experiments in family togetherness and child raising.

So where does that leave me? Nowhere. This and a lonely wank in the dark are all I can count on. No offence, but sometimes it gets a bit boring sitting here writing to you lot every night. It almost feels as if I gave myself one more piece of homework just to keep you all happy. And that leads us to another question. How far will you all go to keep your beloved Robin happy? How much are you willing to do just to keep me writing this stupid thing?

"Anything," Sirius muttered to himself in the back of the classroom, eyes flicking hungrily over the page hidden among his Transfiguration notes. "Just keep writing and I'll do anything."

Remus quirked a brow as he gave his friend a sideways glance.

Well, shall we see? I have a letter here. "Dear Radgie Robin, I have this girl I really want to ask on a date, but she never even looks my way these days unless she wants to yell at me for something my friends and I have done. How do I prove my sincerity and get her to actually give me a chance?" Signed "Hopeless Chaser". Well, that right there is a good question, Chaser. Or should I just call you Hopeless? Listen, everybody. How much do you seriously think a troubled teen such as myself really knows about love? Remember that comment about the lonely wank? Do you really think I would sit here every night with parchment and a quill scribbling all of this out for you to read in the morning if I knew anything about love? No! If I understood love any better than any of you, my night would be spent making it, not reading letters about it. So how do you prove yourself? Well, your guess is as good as mine, mate.

"Take a guess and prove yourself to me, baby."

Remus shook his head as he packed his notes and books away. "How many times have you read that silly thing, Padfoot?"

"Does it matter?"

The response was an exasperated sigh, and Remus hitched his bag onto his shoulder as he headed out the door.

If the rest of you still want to see what I have say, though, just remember to drop your post in the far left corner of the Owlery. The birds always know where to find me. Replies are guaranteed.

Oh. Here we go with another one. "Dear Robin, Maybe you should try doing something productive with your time." My sentiments exactly, right? "Hogwarts is, as you must know, the best school of witchcraft and wizardry you could ever possibly attend. I see no reason for you to waste your time, as well as the time of your readers, with all of this meaningless drivel." Well, it seems to me that wasting my own time is my own choice, which means that by reading this each reader makes their own choice to waste their own time. Of course, my question is why you wasted time writing this letter to the author of a newsletter you obviously don't waste time reading. But to be honest with you, I do know that Hogwarts is the best school I could be attending. That, however, is merely determined by classes and test scores, and as my regular readers know the classes and test scores are not what bother me about this school.

Let me tell you. When I came to Hogwarts my first year, I was terrified. We all were, right? And we still are. The purebloods are wondering if they can live up to the family name, the halfbloods are wondering if they can live up to the expectations, and the muggleborns are wondering if they can live up to anything. I mean, what is there to do? We all just try to make our families, teachers, houses proud. But it always has to be in the same old ways. All of the amazing things happened before we were born. Nothing exciting is left for us. We were outdone long before we ever entered this race for house points and Quidditch cups, so why bother trying to be productive? Wasting time is just as effective for getting through life and, face it, feels far better. We have nowhere to go and nothing to do so why not just make a place in your mind and go there and do everything? All I do with this newsletter is put my daydreams and nightmares to use. What do you do with yours?

Well, I think I've been profound enough for tonight. What do you say? I swear, by the time I finish saying goodnight, I hear you all say good morning.

"We've been here for six years and this is definitely the most I've ever seen him read."

Remus glanced up, following James' gaze to where Sirius lay on his stomach in front of the Common Room fire. He was, much to the annoyance of his more studious friend, rereading that bloody parchment for the millionth time. What could it possibly be telling him now that it hadn't told him five minutes ago?

"What exactly does he find so fascinating about that newsletter that he has to read it two hundred times or more? He should have it memorized by now."

"He probably does." With a chuckle, James turned back to his Charms essay. "He's probably taking notes, though. He doesn't want to miss anything."

The werewolf's eyebrows moved upwards.

Peter looked up, rolling his eyes slightly. "He's apparently determined that whoever this Radgie Robin is has to be his one true love...or something like that. He says he won't give up until he figures out who it is."

"Oi." Remus shook his head, releasing a sigh that shortly turned into a yawn.

"At least it keeps him busy," James reminded them, glancing over the rim of his glasses, "which means maybe you can get some rest before the full moon rather than listening to him trying to sing at all hours because he's not tired and can't think of anything better to do. You've been looking exhausted since this whole Radgie Robin Rush thing got started."

There was a shrug as Remus collected his work and stood up. "Usually I take a nap when I get tired during the day. With all of the commotion over these daily papers, though, that hasn't been the easiest thing to accomplish." As he headed up to the dormitories he tossed a smirk back over his shoulder. "Whoever this Radgie Robin is, he apparently needs less sleep than I do."