The Quibbler Stories

The Quibbler

March 15^th, 2005 topics:

Flaming Bumblegirds sighted!

By

Luna Lovegood (Editor's daughter)

Jeremy Constalintine, Head of Imaginary Resources, spotted two Flaming Bumblegirds on Thursday, April 22^nd.

"I feel proud to know that I found a rare species of bird that many people think are fake," says Constalintine. "They really are quite beautiful."

Constalintine described the birds a crystal blue, with a crown of blue flames on their head.

"It seems strange that they were sighted," commented Tori Brown, Gryffindor first-year. "I've read in a magazine that they are fairly shy and they stay hidden in burning brush, trees, or anything, for that matter."

True, Flaming Bumblegirds are exceedingly shy. It is a very rare moment when they are spotted. Constalintine was truly lucky.

"Luck had nothing to do with my sighting," stated Constalintine. "It was my Flaming Bumblegird call. Bumble-bumble-giiiiiiird!"

Indeed, that is the cry. Though none came, because nothing was burning.

"Would you bring back some pictures?" asked Mr. Wimugglear, Assistant-To-Head, very eager.

"Yes, of course," said Mr. Constalintine. "It would be a shame not to."

Yes, it would be. We'll put in the picture when we receive it. It'll be difficult, of course, because Constalintine would spot them again, and take a picture; they are incredibly shy of cameras--wizarding or Muggle.

Luna Lovegood

Harry Potter--Boy-Who-Lived or Heartbroken Youngster?

By

Rita Skeeter (Now in Association with The Quibbler)

Many, of course, know of young Harry Potter. He defeated the Dark Lord at the age of 1.

But is this boy a true hero? It was discovered that his mother had protected him by love.

"He is, of course, a hero," stated Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic.

Fudge was in no favor of the boy when Harry stated that the Dark Lord was back.

"W-well," stuttered Fudge. "Was I honestly to take that? He wanted attention."

It did seem like that.

"I was indeed heartbroken," admitted Harry, grinning embarrassedly. "I had a crush on a girl at Hogwarts, but she liked someone else. But I was telling the truth."

And, the fact that Harry had his parents killed without even knowing them properly. This could be part of his mischief making in school, told to me by none other than the school's Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"I believe Harry has many of James' characteristics," he chuckled. "Not a bad thing, either. In his fourth year, he saw Bartemus Crouch Jr. steal some things from Professor Snape's office."

"Wow," I had replied, amazed. "How, exactly?"

"The Marauder's Map," explained Dumbledore. "It's a map that shows all of Hogwarts and its grounds, and the people."

Amazing, yes. But has it been proven that Harry Potter is a Heart Crushed Coward? Certainly not.

"In his first year, he defeated Voldemort and got back the Sorcerer's Stone," said Dumbledore. "In his second year, he defeated Tom Riddle (Voldemort) in the Chamber of Secrets, not to mention the Basilisk. In his third year, he found the real traitor for a terrible murder. In his fourth Year he met Voldemort again and escaped, not to mention competed in the Triwizard Tournament. Oh, and he can conjure a Patronus. A stag, isn't that lovely? I remember my Patronus...."

So, Harry Potter may be heartbroken, but is still a Hero.

Rita Skeeter.

Fudge Won't Quit!

By

Ginny Weasley (Luna's Friend)

We all know about Fudge assassinating goblins. Horrible, of course.

"We are all terribly afraid," said Gobblestono, Head Goblin. "Not only of Fudge, but of his friends and supporters, too. They are coming after us, also."

The goblins are frightened, and it is because of Fudge. Not only is he going after goblins, but unicorns, house-elves, and trolls, too.

"Oh, it is terrible," Tori Brown translated for a unicorn. "We have many magical properties, but what is the reason to kill us? We ask you, sincere, and afraid."

That seriously brought tears to my eyes. Seeing such a beautiful creature afraid and hurt.

"We is frightens, Miss," squeaked a House-elf. "Fudge won'ts stop at goblins, no, he won'ts."

"Please helps, Miss," cried another. I almost choked with grief. "Fudge wills assassinate us befores you knows it. Please helps!"

We found another troll interpreter that would happily explain their grief.

"Giants and us gots the same troubles," they said. "Because we are big and vicious. No reason, though. Give us a place happily to live and we will stay there."

I hurried over to Fudge, who denied the accusations nervously.

"What do you mean?" he stuttered. "I-I has absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Assassinating? Me? And with unicorns, house-elves, trolls, and goblins? Why would I do such a thing?"

"I ask you," I snapped. "They are frightened, and hurt, and here you are, going to KILL them! How dare you!"

"How dare I?" howled Fudge. "How dare I? How dare YOU, Ginerva Weasley! Even your father is respectable, which I'm surprised he can afford."

I had had enough, and attacked him--for my family and the creatures that were suffering.

"Now you know how the poor creatures feel," I said when I was done with him.

"...I still am innocent," said Fudge. "Now get out."

The creatures that are being assasinated need our help! Please do!

...They need us.

Ginny Weasley

Take our quiz! Are you a bookworm, hero, or loser?

By

Rachel Rush

What do you do in your spare time?

What would you do if you got a detention?

Would you ask your friends if you could copy their homework?

If you could bring anything to an island--just one thing--what would it be?

What do you think about your other? (If you're a bookworm, a hero and loser. If you're a hero, a bookworm and loser. If you're a loser, a hero and bookworm.)

Results:

Mostly a: You are an all around bookworm. No nonsense, intelligent, model student. You should meet Hermione Granger sometime.

Mostly b: You are a brave hero! You stick up for your friends, and try to defeat your enemies. Meet Harry Potter, for an in-depth experience.

Mostly c: Heh, heh. Sorry, you're classified a "loser." Not that bad...sometimes...maybe. You are grumpy and don't do your homework. Wanna meet someone like you? Go find Ron Weasley.

Rachel Rush