Monsters In My Head

Vile lyrics were circling the room. Harry had his nose in a text book and barely acknowledged Draco's existence. "I was here first, and now it turns out I'll be here longer. They don't want me to go live with them, so I'm stuck with you all Summer."

"You say that like you hate me, Potter. You should be nicer to the person who's making the nightmares go away." Draco turned the volume down. He didn't want to hear some woman talking about oral sex to a beat. "God, what is this crap?"

"It's 20 Fingers. You know, Short Dick Man? It was real popular last year." 1994. Not a very stellar year for Harry, but things seemed to get worse. "Why won't you just leave me alone? You don't want me around, same as everyone else, so just go away! Get your own damn room."

"What are you talking about, Potter? The whole fucking world, minus my house and the Death Eaters, loves you." Draco wondered if Harry had taken a blow to the head recently.

"Not the people who matter!" Harry's hands clenched into fists. "My own godfather doesn't want me, and I'm sure as hell the Dursleys don't. Why should I expect them to want me? I'm just a death magnet, and they have enough problems of their own." He sounded.... defeated.

"Potter-"

"Shut up, Malfoy! To top it all off, I keep seeing Cedric die, and that's only when I'm not having Voldie induced visions."

"You call..." Draco couldn't help but sputter. "You call the Dark Lord... Voldie?"

"He's not going to kill me for calling him Voldie." Harry smiled a little. "He's going to kill me for existing."

"At least..." Draco gave up holding in his laughter. "At least you still have a sense of humor."

"Thanks." Harry turned his music back up.

"Your... godfather?" Did he have a godfather? Lucius had never mentioned one. "Why doesn't he want you to stay with him?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe you should find out."

"Maybe I don't want to know what's so horrible about me." He opened his book again. "Maybe he blames me..."

"For what?"

Harry wasn't about to trust a Malfoy with his secrets. "None of your business, Malfoy."

"Be that way." Draco hated secrets.

"What you did to my dreams... Can you do it to the visions too?" Harry spoke after a moment of silence.

"Maybe." Well, he knew he could, but he wasn't going to. To do that, he'd have to go much deeper into Harry's mind than he had, and Draco knew what the consequences of *that* would be.

"Will you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"It has some... side effects. But the next time you break something, come see me. After I mock you, I'd probably fix it."

"What kind of side effects?" Now Harry was curios.

"The kind I'm not going to suffer through for you." Touching Pansy's mind last year had made him realize he could never do it for anyone else. If he went into Harry, or anyone's mind, he wouldn't be able to control his actions.

"How did you stop my dream then?"

"Don't have to go as deep, yet. Eventually, you'll start getting immune, and I'd have to go deeper. That's when the trouble starts." Trouble he *definitely* wasn't getting into with Harry.

"Who else dreams like I do?"

"Pansy. When we were younger, she snuck into a place she didn't belong." Draco hesitated, then decided to trust his ex-worst enemy. "She witnessed a ritual execution and sacrifice. I can't get rid of her memory of it, not matter how hard I tried. I think you'll always dream of Cedric, don't think I can cure it for good. She used to have a shrink that called it Post Traumatic Stress."

"Are you two dating?" Draco and Pansy had gone to the dance together, hadn't they?

"I'm supposed to marry her, and I'd do just about anything for her, so I guess that means we're dating." It was a Muggle concept he didn't really understand. He was going to be with her for the rest of their lives. Why spend all their time together now?

"You're fifteen!"

"Almost."

"Almost. But still. You two already decided to get married?" It was ridiculous. Nobody did that anymore.

"Who says we get to decide anything? I mean, it worked out fine but.... Your parents are dead, but you can't tell me no one has ever pointed out a good match for you."

"Should they have?" Now Harry was confused. "You mean to say wizards still have arranged marriages?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"No!" Was it still the eighteenth century or something?

"Well, that's how it is in pureblood families." Draco shut the music off again. "I can't help you, Potter. It would be too weird."

"I don't understand." He hit play just for spite and the music blared into life again. "And leave my music alone."

"She's offensive."

"So are you, but I don't see a mute button."

"I'm not-" Draco considered it for a moment. "Okay, so maybe I'm not offensive, but at least I'm not a bigot like that woman you're listening to."

Harry peered over his glasses. "Yeah, and tomorrow, I'm going to go out and join the Death Eaters."

"I hope I never see the day you and You-Know-Who join forces. One green-eyed moster is enough, thank you very much."

"Are we bonding?"

It was time to face facts. "I think so."

"Damn it."

He patted Harry on the shoulder. "I still hate your music, though."

"Really?" Harry looked hopeful.

"Really."

"Thank Merlin for that."
-----
That night, Voldemort executed a Squib and his family. Draco watched Harry. It was a conflict of morals for him. He was a healer, but raised on the dark side. How many Death Eaters had come to their door over the past four years? How many Quidditch injuries had he healed? He could stop Harry's visions, but the cost seemed too high. It was still spiraling through his brain when he fell asleep, and dreamed of *HER*.

"Why didn't you go with them?" Harry's voice woke him. The other boy was sitting up in bed in the early dawn light.

"The Lady asked me not to." It just slipped out. Draco realized how stupid and psychotic it sounded, he really did.

"Lady?"

"I don't have nightmares. I think..." Oh yeah, tell Harry Potter about your favorite coping mechanism. "She's a dream I have, about a woman that's protecting me, or at least my mind. I think maybe I knew her once. She's that one that told me never to join Voldemort."

"I have dreams like that. About my parents." Harry gave him a small smile. "I don't think you're crazy or anything."

"Like you're the Paragon of sanity." The worst enemy of the Dark Lord was a scared fourteen year old boy. Great, just great. Moral conflict resolved. Fuck the consequences. "I'll stop the visions tomorrow night."

"Why?" Harry wasn't sure he wanted to owe Draco anything.

"We're sickeningly alike." Draco snorted. "Besides, it would make my father unhappy."

"What are the side effects?" Draco didn't answer, and Harry worried.
-----
They were trying the Quidditch thing again. Hauling the equipment out onto the field, a bludger burst free and headed straight for the back of Draco's head. Harry did what came naturally to a Gryffindor. He threw himself at Draco yelling, "Down!"

The bludger hit his skull with a sickening crack.