The First Train Ride

He was early. Always early. Even when he tried to be late, he ended up being early. This time was different, though. This time, he was early because he'd slept at the station all night, alone in the dark shadows of King's Cross.

He'd had a time of it hiding from the muggle authorities, though he felt certain no one would report him missing, especially his father. He had managed to slip into the train station just as it was closing for the night, making his way past guards, eventually hiding himself in a storage locker for an hour until he was certain he could hear no more footsteps or voices. Once he was certain it was safe, eleven year-old Severus Snape crept out of the locker and looked around for a dark corner to sleep.

Severus quickly learned that he wasn't the only person out on his own that night at King's Cross. Most of the muggles he saw around were adults, mostly men, grizzled, not entirely sober, poor and desperate. Like him, they huddled in dark niches seeking a little peace, a little stretch of concrete free from detection from anyone. And like these men, Severus did just the same.

This wasn't his first time alone at night away from home. There were many nights, these last several months in particular, where he found it necessary to get away. Living as he did with a violent-tempered and sadistic father, Severus quickly learned that the best way to avoid his father's wrath was simply not to be home at all. So, for the last several months, the moment he heard his father's drunken footsteps entering the house, Severus would climb out the window of their house and into the tree which butted against his window, then shimmy down and sneak out the back garden.

From there, well, he wasn't always sure where to go. Sometimes, he stayed away for a couple of hours, just long enough for his father to drink enough to make him pass out for the night. That had worked until recently. Problems at the office fueled Mr. Snape's antipathy, which made things worse for Severus and his mum. Some nights Severus just walked and walked until he was too tired to stand. Then he would curl up under some tall tree and go to sleep.

The last two nights, however, weren't so lucky. Severus' father had gotten home early--he'd been sacked from his job and had spent the better part of four hours getting tight in a local pub. By the time he had arrived home, he was drunk, enraged and looking for a fight. He stumbled up the stairs to Severus' room, only to find his son packing a tatty suitcase bought at a charity shop.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, boy?" he growled at Severus.

Severus blanched. "I...I'm going...to...to school, father. Remember? H...Hogwarts?"

Mr. Snape glowered. "And just when do you think this is going to happen?" He frowned at his son.

"In two days. You said I could go." Severus noted the fist and gripped the sides of his suitcase.

"If you think I'm sending my son to a witch school," Mr. Snape roared, closing in on his son.

* * * * *

He had to get away. The danger was too severe, and he feared he might miss his train ride to school. In spite of everything, or perhaps because of it, Severus was determined not to miss that train. Looking about the room, he saw that his suitcase lay on its side, with its contents strewn around the room. The books were all torn, ink splattered the walls and on his clothes, and his quills were all snapped in half.

With effort, Severus sat up. Tears fell down his bruised face, and a sob escaped his lips. Slowly, he stood up. It would have to be now, he thought, or I'll never. With a heavy heart and shaking hands, he gathered up all his things, most of which were now ink-stained, and placed them quietly into the suitcase.

There was no time to say good-bye to his mum. It was now or never. Without a sound, Severus grabbed his wand, which had rolled under his threadbare cot, stuffed it into his suitcase and headed for the window. He heaved the suitcase out the window and let it fall to the ground, hoping it wouldn't make too much of a sound. He waited a moment, to listen for any footsteps on the stairs, heading for his room. Nothing. This was it. Severus climbed out of the window, as he had done so many times before, and lowered his still aching body to the ground, where he picked up his suitcase and departed.

Severus had heard of something called the Knight Bus, and so he decided to give it a try. Holding out his wand hand, he waved as if he were grabbing a taxicab. Nothing. He did it again, and again, nothing. The street remained quiet and still and dark. Thoughts of never getting to Hogwarts overwhelmed Severus just then, and he sank down on the curb and dissolved into angry tears.

That's when he saw the lights. The bus had arrived after all! Severus dried his tears, picked up his suitcase and climbed aboard, asking for Diagon Alley. Problem. He had escaped so quickly from home that he had no money with him. But when the conductor saw the terrible condition of Severus' face and clothes, he smiled gently and let him ride for free.

"You sure you don't need St. Mungo's Hospital, boy?" he asked. "Or maybe the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"

Severus shook his head and retreated to the back of the bus. One harrowing ride later, he was dropped off at Diagon Alley with wishes of good luck and have a good year at Hogwarts. Standing in the middle of the bustling shopping district, Severus could only stare with wonder at everything going on around him. There were so many people there, even though it was so early in the morning. Witches in beautifully coloured robes traveled in little gaggles, and there were so many young people around. As he walked past the shops, he saw people in pairs, trios, groups, gangs. Everyone seemed to be with someone else. Except for Severus.

With his bruised face and his ink-stained muggle clothes, he felt conspicuous, odd, grimy. He hadn't washed his hair in days because the pipes at home were broken and Mr. Snape was too cheap to have them repaired. Severus felt sure he didn't smell too good, and that the stains on his clothes stood out like beacons for all to see and mock. Suddenly, he didn't much feel like being out in public any more, so, with the heavy suitcase in tow, he meandered down the street until he stopped in front of a dark street called Knockturn Alley.

His mum had warned him about that place. Very dangerous, very dodgy. Very tempting. Filled with fury at his father, Severus took a turn through Knockturn Alley, looking in the windows, dreaming of what he wanted to do. Antlers would be fun. A purple beard. Lava boils all over the face would be painful and embarrassing. But wasn't Severus embarrassed and in pain from the cuts and bruises his father routinely gave him? It was hard for Severus to shake off these bad thoughts, but he knew he had to. His mum had always told him revenge was beneath him. Severus wanted to believe her, but found it increasingly hard to do so.

Either way, he still had no money, and he knew that revenge wasn't free. Deflated once again, Severus lugged his suitcase back to Diagon Alley. Tired from all his walking about, he sat on the edge of the suitcase for a moment to rest his legs. In the distance, he spotted a group of boys about his age, laughing and chatting and having a grand time as they shopped for all their school things. They looked rich, pampered, loved. Severus couldn't hear what they said, but he could spot the excitement in their happy, handsome faces. One boy had jet black hair, just like Severus, and another had shaggy brown hair that looked sort of wind-blown, like he'd just gotten off a broomstick. Severus smiled a little as he watched their little group. He hoped.

* * * * *

The morning of September 1, Severus awoke around six. He had found a inconspicuous nook behind the storage lockers where he had bunked for the night. His sleep had been marred by terrible nightmares of his father's angry face, his strong, heavy fists, the sounds of violence in his parents' room. Finally, Severus couldn't take the horrific dreams any more, and so he got up, dusted himself off and headed for the gents, where he tried to make himself look as presentable as he could.

Severus was stunned by his reflection. His left eye was swollen and bruised, and there was a welt along his right cheek. He panicked, covered in humiliation. How could he get on that train, looking as he did? His hair was limp and dirty and greasy, and no matter how he tried to comb it, it looked terrible. The ink stains were visible on his sleeves and collar, and there were blood stains on his shirt as well that he couldn't hide. Severus thought about forgetting about school and returning home, going to muggle school and finding some other way of making a life for himself. He shuddered at the thought of being laughed at by the likes of those handsome, well cared for boys he'd seen at Diagon Alley, feeling certain that the hideous sight of the battered, grimy urchin would be hilarious to them.

Severus steeled himself, determined not to let his fears and insecurities get the better of him. Even if he went to muggle school, he reasoned, he would still end up as an object of ridicule. At least at a place like Hogwarts, he could indulge his curiosity about dark magic and his vengeful fantasies against his father.

And so, Severus hauled his suitcase out of the loo and all the way to platform 9¾, where he boarded the train, kept his head down and started to search for a place to sit where he didn't have to talk to anyone. Compartment after compartment was full or nearly full. Finally, in the second car, Severus found a compartment with only three boys in there. He gasped. They were the boys he had seen the other day. For a moment, he wondered if he should go in, and then, placing an apprehensive hand on the handle, he opened the door. Severus hoped they'd let him sit in the spare seat in the corner.

Before he could ask if there was spare room, the boy with the shaggy hair stood up and looked Severus up and down, an expression of mirth on his attractive face.

"Compartment's full," he said, a bratty snarl in his voice.

"But there's..." Severus started.

The boy advanced on Severus, which instinctively made him step back. "I said, greaseball, this compartment is FULL." The boy's black-haired friend sniggered, flashing Severus the same mirthful look.

"Oh. OK." Severus stepped back into the corridor and continued his search. The door slammed behind him.

Three compartments down, he found one with just two people--two girls. At that point, Severus wanted to just sit in the corridor and forget it. But there were several people right behind him, trying to get by, and so Severus again steeled himself and entered the compartment. The girls looked over at him--their faces were kind, lovely, pretty.

"Hi!" said one girl, a redhead with bright green eyes.

"Is there room in this..."

"Sure!" she said. "Join us! My name is Lily Evans, and this is Alice Bones."

"Hi," said Alice. Like Lily, she had ginger hair, but her almond eyes were a lovely amber. "What's your name?"

Severus set down his suitcase. "Severus. Severus Snape."

"What a cool name!" Lily said. "Are you the first in your family to go to Hogwarts? I'm the first in mine. My parents were pretty stunned when I got my letter, but they were excited, too. My sister, though, her name's Petunia, and she was positively horrified!"

"My mum went to Hogwarts," said Severus, settling in his seat. He could feel his body relaxing as he talked with the girls. They didn't seem to be judging him at all. It felt good. "But my dad didn't. He's a muggle."

"Both my parents went," Alice said, twirling a long strand of ginger hair around her fingers. "My whole family's been in Hufflepuff House for generations."

"You're a pureblood?" Severus asked with a little excitement.

"Yeah. But it's no big deal. At least that's what my parents always say. They hate all that stuff about purity of blood, I mean, who really cares? What house was your mum?"

"Ravenclaw."

"I wouldn't mind being in Ravenclaw," said Lily. "Or Gryffindor. But not Slytherin."

"Why not?" asked Severus. "That's the house I want. Ravenclaw would be OK, but Slytherin is the best."

"No way!" Lily chirped. "That's where all the dark wizards come from!"

"Not all of them are like that. And they know how to get what they want from life. They know how to take control," Severus said.

Before they could continue the conversation, however, the door opened with a snap. Two of the boys from the other car appeared, checking out the girls and giving taunting looks at Severus.

"I thought I saw a grease trail," the black-haired boy quipped. The other laughed.

"Hello, ladies," the shaggy haired boy said. "My name is James Potter. This here is Sirius Black, but don't let his last name make you nervous." They both chuckled.

Severus noticed that Lily and Alice gave the newcomers flirtatious looks--they had looked at him only with pity.

"What's this doing here?" James asked, indicating Severus. "Do you ladies want me to get it out of here? The air will smell better." Sirius laughed, but the girls did not. Severus flushed.

Lily stood up. "The air will clear up the minute you two get out of here!" she snapped.

James sat down next to her. "Oh come on now, we're not so bad."

"Well I don't like boys who are rude and mean," Lily said plainly.

James snorted. "You mean about him over there?" He jerked his thumb in Severus' direction.

"He has a name! His name is Severus!"

With that, both James and Sirius burst into hysterical, hooting laughter. "What a name!" Sirius barked. "Severus!"

Severus jumped to his feet. "I think the girls asked you two to leave," he hissed, barely keeping his fury in control.

James stood up and looked Severus dangerously in the eye. He was taller than Severus, a little husky. Severus fought the temptation to step back, reminding himself that this was another boy, not his father. Severus stepped forward, reaching for his wand. He pointed it directly in James' face.

"You wouldn't dare," James said cockily.

"Aquamenti," Severus whispered. Just then, a rush of water surged from his wand, spraying James in the face. The girls screamed with laughter.

But James responded, and not with his wand. He grabbed Severus by the lapels, and just as he was about to throw a punch, the witch with the lunch trolley came by.

"Exactly what is going on here?" she screeched.

James let go of Severus and straightened his shirt. Severus did the same. Sirius stood up, trying to look as innocent as he could.

"You boys had better get back to your compartment," she said sternly. "I wouldn't want to have to speak to the conductor, now would I?"

"No, ma'am," James and Sirius said together. "We'll see you all later." And with that, they were gone.

The witch looked Severus over with great concern. "Did they give you those bruises, dear?"

Severus shook his head no.

"Here, my dear, have a sandwich, on me," she said, handing him a fat roast beef sandwich. She patted him on the head and moved on.

Severus sat back down and opened up the sandwich. "Do you want to share this with me?" he asked the girls.

"No thanks," they said.

"Sorry if I got you wet," Severus said apologetically.

"They deserved it," Alice said. "It was worth it!"

"They deserved worse," Lily said. She offered them both a chocolate truffle, which Severus gladly accepted. "How did you get those bruises, Severus?" she asked. "I mean, if you want to say."

"I don't, really," Severus said. "It's a long story. A bit boring."

"Well I hope you're okay now," Lily said.

"I'll just be glad when we get to Hogwarts. Mum talks about it all the time." Severus finished the first half of his sandwich and started on the second half.

After he had finished eating, his hands were sticky with mayonnaise and mustard, so he excused himself to go to the gents to wash up. His mood had greatly improved since he boarded the train. These girls were really nice, and they seemed to like him. He had never had female friends before. He hadn't had too many friends at all, in fact.

Severus looked himself over in the mirror. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. Maybe they liked the dark, dangerous type. Maybe he could use the cuts and bruises as a sort of signature, as a way of portraying himself as a rough-and-tumble sort of bloke. Girls liked that sort of thing, didn't they? He straightened his shirt, dried his hands and went back into the corridor, back to the compartment.

The door stood open, and inside came screams of laughter, female and male. A party! That sounded good. When Severus approached the door of the compartment, however, he blanched in horror. His suitcase, which he had neglected to put up on the rack, now lay wide open. James and Sirius were rifling through it, holding up his ink-stained, tatty, second-hand clothes as if they were high fashion. They tossed his underwear and his shirts back and forth like a quaffle, beat each other with his one, moth-eaten jumper.

And the girls laughed. They laughed and laughed as if the last hour had never happened, as if everything they had said was all a lie.

All Severus could do was stand there in the doorway, livid, unable to move or speak or think. Once they noticed his presence, the girls stopped laughing. The boys did not.

"Oh, sorry, mate, was this yours?" James asked snidely, holding up a pair of grey, ink stained underpants. Sirius rocked back and forth with gleeful laughter. Even Lily and Alice found it hard to stifle a smirk.

"You'll be sorry," Severus seethed.

James tossed the underpants over his shoulder and signaled for Sirius to follow him. "Yeah, right," he said as they passed Severus and stepped back into the corridor. "Over my dead body."

Severus narrowed his eyes at James. "That can be arranged."

James and Sirius threw Severus a derisive glare and slouched back toward their own compartment.

The train rolled on toward Hogwarts, on toward a year of lessons and adventures. Severus abandoned the girls, his suitcase and his ragged, dirty clothes and slumped toward the end of the car, where he looked blankly out the window, his eyes burning, seeing none of the passing countryside, plotting all the way.

When the train finally rolled into Hogsmeade station and came to a stop, everyone clambered out, bags in tow, jockeying for the best positions as they got off the train. Severus didn't move an inch. He could feel Lily and Alice behind him, wanting to say something, but he refused to turn and face their guilty faces. Along with everyone else, they finally left, leaving Severus alone. He turned back toward the compartment, ready to gather his things together once again, just as he had done after his father had ransacked his suitcase.

There it stood, in the doorway of the compartment, packed and ready. Severus felt a little pang of regret just then, wishing he had faced the girls, now prepared to accept their apologies. But they were gone now, likely sharing a boat with James and Sirius.

Severus picked up the heavy suitcase, lugged it once again down the now empty corridor, and stepped out onto the platform, steeling himself one more time, ready to face a year of uncertainty and challenge. He had been through the worst in life, he thought. He had endured years of abuse and humiliation at the hands of his father, and this was his one chance to start again, free from pain, free from shame. Severus tried to work himself into boyish excitement. He tried to ignore the presence of James and Sirius. He tried to focus his attentions on Lily and Alice, on new studies, on the possibility of being sorted into Slytherin.

Hope was all he had.

The End