Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 10:

February 5^th 9:00 pm

I have been neglecting you my old friend. Harry has been taking almost all of my time. I barely have time to do my homework, but I am finding that spending time with Harry is better than anything that I have ever experienced. There is so much more to the boy who lived than that scar he bears. So much more behind those green eyes that no one gets to see except for me. I am grateful for every second I spend with him, bearing our souls and revealing our demons. We are the prefect mix of light and dark, just the right combination of lust and love. We burn when we are together and we die when we are apart. I can feel my body ache for him now, our separation making it hard for me to breathe. I am trying to concentrate on writing so that the pain will lessen, the ache will dull. I find writing in you has always calmed the beast that rages in my head. To say that I just write in you would not give you all the glory you deserve. I write to you not just in you. Your pages have been my shelter, the ink staining you like the stains I wear upon my soul. You were the first to hear about my obsession with Harry, the first to hear when that obsession turned to love. You kept my secrets, hid my darkest thoughts, and took pleasure in my fantasies. You never judged my love, or told me I was wrong for loving Harry. You just opened yourself up and accepted me, accepted my writing. As the ink soaked in you so did my soul, and you took it without any objection. Do not fear that I don't need you anymore since I now have Harry. You were my first friend, my best friend. I will always write to you, and I hope you will always be there to accept my words and my soul.

February 14 12:01 am

"Draco wake up."

"No."

"Come on Draco, wake up."

"What is so important, Harry?"

" It's Valentines Day, Draco."

"Oh brother, leave it to me to fall for a hopeless romantic!"

"You love me, hopeless romantic and all. Admit it!"

"Never, Potter."

"Say you love me, Malfoy!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No, now go back to sleep."

"You suck, Malfoy."

"And you like it, Potter. Now go back to sleep." With that I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. I was super tired and I didn't have the patience to indulge you, but just when I thought you had let it go you leaned into me and whispered in my ear.

"I have something for you, Draco."

I sat up quickly almost knocking you from the bed.

"What? Did you just say you have something for me, Harry?"

"Yes. A present. Now tell me you love me and I will give it to you."

"Harry, you didn't have to get me anything!"

"I wanted to, Draco. Now say you love me!"

"I love you with or without presents you know that, Harry. Now give it to me!"

"My, my we are greedy, aren't we?"

"What did you expect? I am a Malfoy! Now hand it over, Potter!"

"Fine. I suppose you can have it." With that you handed me a brightly colored package. As greedy as a Malfoy can be this small package flipped my heart in my chest. It seemed all the gifts I have been given were nothing compared to this one small package that I now held in my hands. I carefully opened the little card taped to the top and I traced the message with my fingertips.

Yours forever, Harry. Harry Potter mine forever. Those words caused a tidal wave of emotions to flow through me and I fought to regain my control. I stared blankly at the card and retraced the letters of your name. Your handwriting was like you, perfect with a lack of knowledge of your perfection. I could see you in my mind, carefully writing and rewriting the card over and over again. Crumpled cards piled up on the desktop, each one perfect, but you believing they could have been better. Each card representing how you see yourself, each stroke of your handwriting telling you that you could be better. I am surprised you actually managed to get one card you felt was good enough to tape to my gift. I look up into your eyes and realize that I have the best present I could ever ask for staring at me.

"Aren't you going to open it, Draco?"

"Later, Harry. I will open it later."

"But you wanted it so bad and I took so long to pick it out and.."

"I am sure that it is wonderful, Harry. Anything you give me is going to be wonderful."

"I don't know about that, Draco. I am sure you have had tons of fancy presents, mine really is nothing special. Maybe I should have it back. I mean really, it is nothing wonderful." You reached for the package, your insecurities getting in the way again. I carefully moved the package from your reach and placed it behind me.

"Harry, I could be given a thousand fancy presents and not one of them could compare to a present from you. It could be a rock in this box and I would treasure it. Why? Because it came from you and your gift is one that comes from your heart. I have been given millions of things over the years, but never one that truly came from someone who cared about me. It touches me Harry that you would even think to get me a gift, but I have to say that the best present is you, Harry Potter. You here in my bed, in my soul, light in my dark world. I love you, Harry. Happy Valentine's Day." With that I pulled you into a kiss, not having a present to give you, I gave you the only thing I had to offer, myself.

"Open your present now Draco." I picked up the little wrapped package and carefully tore off the paper. I opened the box and pulled out its contents. Wrapped in silver tissue lay a handmade black leather journal. It had a green dragon embossed on the front cover, and underneath the dragon were my initials embossed in silver.

"Open it," you whispered.

Following your request I carefully opened the front cover and to my surprise I found another picture on the inside. This time there were two dragons, one green and one red. They had their paws locked together and they were curled up in each other's tails. Right below the picture there was a message also embossed in silver. It read, Born of two houses, united in love. I felt my throat get tight and the words that I wanted to say didn't seem to have a voice for them to be spoken. I looked up at you and felt the wetness begin to cloud my eyes.

"How did you know?" I asked when my voice had once again found me.

"I have watched you while you have been writing. You always thought I was asleep. It seemed you found peace when you wrote. The demons that haunt you I knew were being expelled through the words on those pages. You looked like the indestructible Draco in those moments. Fierce, determined and completely beautiful. It made me so happy to see this private side of you even if you never knew I was watching. I hope that maybe one day you will share what you have written with me, but until then I want you to just write Draco."

I was speechless and that is saying a lot. Never in all my years had anyone cared about my writing. I always had to hide my journal fearing that one day my father might find it. My journal had always meant the world to me, the one friend I could always count on. After all this time I finally had someone who understood why I wrote, who cared enough to want me to continue to write, who wanted to share in what I had written. Just when I thought I could not possibly love you anymore than I already do you give me one more reason to love you.

"Thank you, Harry. I don't know what else to say, but that."

"You are very welcome Draco. I do have one request though."

"What is it Harry?"

"Write when I can watch you. You are so beautiful when you write I want to see you."

"I think I can do that, Harry."

"Good. Now come to bed, it is almost 2 in the morning and we have a potions exam first period."

I curled up next to you in bed and I felt your arms wrap around my waist. I too wrapped my arm around you and took your hand into my own. I fell asleep thinking that lying together like this we must look like the two dragons in my journal. Happy Valentines Day, Harry.