The Misadventures of Lord Voldemort

The Misadventures of Lord Voldemort

'I was fuming. Actually I was stomping around my bedroom like the spoiled little girl that I am. That silly little Potter boy had thwarted me again. "Thwarted?" I think I may have taken in too much of that Wizarding Weed that Dumblydore smelled of.'

The Great Lord Voldemort would have continued to think on if he hadn't been bothered by a servant. "Err.. mm..master?" Wormtail was at the door. "Would you like me to get you some... uhh...robes?" he asks, while looking at the floor.

"Well blow me! Would you look at that!" Which of course Wormtail was doing anything but. Speaking of butts...

"Damn Voldie, you got it going on!" Lucius Malfoy says, as he walks in holding a plastic keg cup. "Why didn't you tell me you were so bloody delicious?"

What the hell is going on here?! Why was my deadliest Death Eater talking in a way that was, well let's face it, surprising the hell out of me. Me, delicious? And said by Lucius Malfoy? So I spoke, "Lucius, you have surprised the hell out of me. And that's saying something. I AM hell. Which means... erm ... ah, screw it... What is Merlin's name is going on? Is the DE rally all set up? Is everyone here? And has everyone noticed how my hands are doing this freaky trail of light sorta thing? Like, they're being followed, by light shadows of themselves. I mean, it's like were all beings of light, and only now, at this point in time, the quintessential point of MY life, and I see that there is only light inside me. No darkness. I believe in a thing called love." Having said what I meant to say I flounced out of the room, asking, "So where ma Biatches at?"

"What the hell happened after we left the cemetery, Wormtail? Did he completely lose it?" Lucius asked, still craning to get a glimspe of Voldie's fleeing white ass.

"All I know is that he went to Hogwarts so that he could finish off the boy, but met up with Dumbledore." At that name they both gave an involuntary shudder. "He's SO cool."

"Yeah."

"Anyways, after they dueled for a bit, with the Big D obviously winning, he came back here and told me to get the Death Eaters for a rally and discuss our new Plan." Wormtail finished.

"So do you think he'll mind me for bringing the Mai Tai's? I mean, we should partay after this d'y'think?" Lucius slurred, the drink in his hand being the fifth of the night. And the night was young.

"I think it will be good for the Master, since he only just got his body back and is in need of a good drink... and whatever follows." Wormtail gave a creepy grin.

"Wormtail, you are one completely disgusting fella whom I would never ever sleep with, even if you were the last git on earth. I wouldn't do ya with a ten-foot pole. And that's saying something. I'm Lucius." And saying that, he walked out of the room, purposely waggling his bum.

Wormtail sighed dejectedly and began to walk towards the Gathering Room. 'I wish Lucius liked me. Cause then I would be like, Voldemorts' second's second. Someone would definitely do me then! If I get Lucius really really mashed, maybe he'll tell everyone I'm a great shag!' Brightening at his prospects, Wormtail began to shimmy to the tune of 'I Want You to Want Me'.