Twisted!

SCENE ONE--INTRODUCTION AND CHAT ON TRAIN

(screen is black)

Narrator: J.K. Rowling created a phenomenon with her book series, Harry Potter. Experts were surprised to see more and more children turn off their TVs, video games, and computers in order to pick up books and read. So what did they do? Turn the books into a movie so that these kids can go back to their old, lazy habits! Anyway, the story begins when Harry learns that he is a wizard after spending ten miserable years with his verbally abusive aunt and uncle. He then packs up to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where he plans to work hard and enhance his wizarding skills. You know how schools motivate kids to work hard and succeed in everything they do. Young Harry travels to Kings Cross Station to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, where he catches the Hogwarts Express. It is here where our story begins.

(Harry is sitting in train compartment, Ron enters)

Ron: I´m a loser and nobody likes me! Can I sit here?

Harry: Sure! (motions to seat) I´m Harry Potter.

Ron: HARRY POTTER? Wicked! Can I see your scar?

Harry: I´d rather not, thanks.

Ron: Oh, come on, please?

Harry: Who are you? I don´t even know you!

Ron: Ron Weasley. Can I PLEASE see your scar?

Harry: Fine, fine. (points to lighting bolt scar on forehead) It´s right there, I don´t know how you missed it.

Ron: Oh, sorry. I know so much about you! The whole wizarding world does!

Harry: But I don´t know much about the wizarding world. For instance, look at this money! It comes in six different colors, each with a picture of a grotesque monster.

Ron: What? Let me see. (takes money from Harry) Harry, this isn´t wizarding money, and that´s just the royal family.

(Voice cries) The train will be arriving in thirty seconds!

Ron: Well, we´re at Hogwarts now.

(Ron and Harry get out of the compartment)

SCENE TWO--THE GREAT HALL

(group of students enter into Great Hall)

McGonagall: Welcome to Hogwarts! Before we begin the school year, you must be sorted into your houses--Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Now, when I call your names, please come forward and prepare to be sorted.

Ronald Weasley! (Ron walks forward, looking nervous) (McGonagall puts hat on Ron´s head) Every first year student puts on the hat so they can share something in common when they start school here.

Sorting Hat: Gryffindor!!

McGonagall: LICE! (smiles broadly as first year students touch their heads and begin to scream)

McGonagall: (puts a finger to her lips, signaling the students to be quiet) Harry Potter! (Harry walks forward, grabs the hat and puts it on his head, sits down on stool)

Sorting Hat: Slytherin!

Harry: NO!

Sorting Hat: Okay then, Hufflepuff!

Harry: NO!

Sorting Hat: (sounding agitated) Ravenclaw, and that´s my final offer!

Harry: That´s not good enough!

Sorting Hat: FINE! GRYFFINDOR!

Harry: (smiles, stands up and throws the Sorting Hat back onto the stool. As he begins to walk forward, he stops and turns back, facing the stool) I think that you made the right decision, Mr. Hat. (first year students double over in laughter)

(show Harry and Ron sitting at the Gryffindor table as Hermione walks over)

Hermione: So, you´re Harry Potter? I heard you were coming.

Harry: Oh, yeah, that´s me. And, you are....?

Hermione: I´m Hermione Granger. The smartest witch in all the world!

Ron: So, you´re the smartest witch in the world, are you?

Hermione: Yes, of course! Oh, and don´t even try to argue with me, because I´m always right, as well.

(Ron and Harry roll their eyes at each other as Hermione sits down)

(Draco, Crabbe & Goyle walk over from the Slytherin table)

Draco: So, you´re Harry Potter? I heard you were coming.

Ron: I think I´ve heard that before, must just be a case of deja vu.

Harry: no, Ron, Hermione just said that.

Draco: Hermione Granger? My father told me about her...how dare you compare me to that mudblood!

Hermione: (excited) He´s told you about me? Did he tell you about how brilliant I am? I can give you an autograph, if you would like!

Draco: Actually, baby, I´d rather have your phone number...I mean, are you mad? I just insulted you!

Hermione: So I´m guessing that´s a no on the autograph.

Draco: Yes!

Hermione: So you DO want one?

Draco: No, I do NOT want a bloody autograph!

Hermione: (saddened, near tears, pouting) oh.

Draco: Well, anyway, I´m Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. This is Crabbe & Goyle.

Harry: I only see you and one other person.

Draco: Crabbe & Goyle is one person. Well, they were two people, before the accident.

Hermione: Accident? What kind of accident?

Draco: (sarcastically) Well, you´re the smartest witch that ever lived, so why don´t you find that out on your own?

Hermione: Let´s not talk about me anymore, I want to talk about your friend, or friends, whichever.

Draco: I´m not going to tell you, so just drop it! Anyway, you three better watch your backs while you´re here. (sarcastically) It would be a shame to see any of you step into a dangerous situation. (Turns on heel, walks back to Slytherin table)

SCENE THREE-POTIONS

(students seated in class room, working)

Ron: I heard potions was a terribly difficult class, but that´s not nearly as bad as the teacher! Professor Snape wants to be number one, but he never will be. He´s unliked by almost everyone. Consider him to be the wizarding world´s Al Gore.

(Laughter as Snape storms into the classroom)

Snape: There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don´t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion making. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death--if you aren´t as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach.

(looks at Harry, who is furiously scribbling on a piece of paper)

Snape: Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity! Tell me, what do you get when you mix two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom?

Harry: Oh, I know! That´s water!

Snape: (looking very angry) Well, dear boy, that was just a test! Here´s the real question. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Harry: (puzzled) I don´t know, sir.

Draco: (bratty) What does that have to do with potions?

Snape: (yells) QUIET! Clearly, fame isn´t everything, is it, Mr. Potter?

SCENE FOUR--SOMETHING´S HIDDEN IN THE CASTLE

(Harry, Hermione, and Ron in library, studying and playing chess)

Hermione: Oh my goodness! There´s something hidden in the castle! It must be the Sorcerer´s Stone!

Harry: What? Where did you come up with that?

Hermione: You twit! It´s the title of the movie!

Harry: (embarrassed) Oh.

Hermione: Well, shouldn´t we do something about it?

Harry: I don´t know! You are the smartest witch in the world, so why don´t you tell me?

Hermione: Well, perhaps we should do something, but this history of magic assignment needs to be finished first!

Harry: Well, have fun! (Harry and Ron go back to playing chess)

Hermione: Ugh!

SCENE FIVE--FLYING LESSONS

(kids talking among each other)

Harry: What class is this again?

Ron: Flying lessons!

(Professor Quirrell runs into the courtyard)

Quirrell: S-s-s-sorry for the d-delay. G-g-got caught up in the s-s-security c-check points. Unfortunately, your r-regular teacher c-c-could n-not make it because of a s-s-slight h-h-holdover.

(laughter)

Harry: yeah, this is air travel.